Re: [6lo] [Last-Call] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-6lo-use-cases-12

[Lars Eggert <[e-mail]>]

Peter, thank you for your review. I have entered a No Objection ballot for this document.

Lars


> On Apr 6, 2022, at 09:33, Peter Yee via Datatracker <[e-mail]> wrote:
> 
> Reviewer: Peter Yee
> Review result: Ready with Issues
> 
> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
> Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
> by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
> like any other last call comments.
> 
> For more information, please see the FAQ at
> 
> <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>.
> 
> Document: draft-ietf-6lo-use-cases-12
> Reviewer: Peter Yee
> Review Date: 2022-04-05
> IETF LC End Date: 2022-04-06
> IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat
> 
> Summary: This informational document describes various networking technologies
> that can be used in 6lo networks, their characteristics, and example use cases.
> There some issues and nits that should be address prior to publication. [Ready
> with issues]
> 
> Major issues: None
> 
> Minor issues:
> 
> Page 7, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: “Internet” is not an application. And use
> of the Internet does not imply a requirement for high data rates either. I’d
> drop that so-called “application”.
> 
> Page 7, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: This is not a good reference. That is a
> specification that makes the claim given in the sentence, but it is not
> substantiated here or there. Furthermore, being based on the broken security in
> IEEE 802.15.4 (ask Tero Kivinen) at the time of IEEE 1901.2’s publication is
> probably not a selling point now. If IEEE 1902.2 supports layering over an IEEE
> 802.15.4-2020 network possibly with IEEE 802.15.4y (aka Security Next
> Generation, which added stronger crypto), then it might be worth mentioning.
> 
> Page 7, 4th paragraph, last sentence: in regards to “frequencies”, I assume
> that the 500 kHz is not in reference to the AC frequency but rather the
> signaling frequency. It wasn’t completely clear in this context but may not be
> worth addressing either.
> 
> Page 8, Table 2: for security requirement, how does “high” security differ from
> other security? These terms are a bit nebulous.
> 
> Page 8, Table 2: for data rate, how does “small” compare to “infrequent”? I
> don’t know how to rank these terms. I’m not sure “Data Rate” is the right row
> header for the values given.
> 
> Page 11, 1st bullet item, 4th sentence: instead of “different levels of
> security”, consider using “other security mechanisms”. I have troubles
> comparing the levels of “hardware-level security” and “certificates for initial
> booting process”.
> 
> Page 12, 12th bullet item: what does “energy friendliness” mean? Perhaps you
> could use “low energy usage” if that’s what you are trying to convey?
> 
> Page 16, section 5.3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: I will point out that in the
> home environment, these cordless telephone base stations are almost never
> connected to a data network. Thus, it seems that pre-existing Fixed Parts
> aren’t particularly valuable to this scenario. Use of DECT-ULE for 6lo use
> cases will almost certainly require a Fixed Part that has a data network
> connection.
> 
> Page 18, section 5.5, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: I’m confused here. You just
> mentioned wearable devices. Now you say that these devices are densely
> installed at home. Which one is it? Or are these *other* devices that are
> talking about in this sentence? If so, change “The” to “Other”.
> 
> Page 18, section 5.5, 3rd paragraph, last sentence: why do the hackers have to
> be hidden? LTE traffic can be heard for quite a distance. A listening hacker
> wouldn’t have to be hidden. Where a hidden listener would be required would be
> near an NFC connection because of the very short distances involved and the
> difficulty with placing a listening device near enough to pick up the
> emanations.
> 
> Page 26, Appendix A: I don’t understand how these dimensions fit in with
> section 3. Why aren’t they merged? These seem like additional considerations.
> If they don’t belong in section 3, then how do they tie back to the rest of the
> document?
> 
> Page 27, 4th bullet item, 2nd sentence: a buffering mechanism isn’t strictly
> required. Another option would be to tell the application to throttle its
> generation of data, if appropriate to the application. Or compression of the
> data might suffice.
> 
> Page 27, 7th bullet item, 1st sentence: I would delete “6lo”. I would think
> that time synchronization would be importance to the application making up the
> use case, regardless of the use of 6lo. For the second sentence, I don’t
> understand what “transferred with time synchronization” means. If it has been
> recorded with “exact time”, then a timestamp presumably exists. Then it’s not
> clear what time synchronization is required for.
> 
> Page 27, 9th bullet item, last sentence: How do continuous and periodic work
> together? The latter would seem to imply a discontinuity. It’s not clear what
> this sentence means.
> 
> Page 27, 10th bullet item: What are these “external operations”?
> 
> Page 28, 1st bullet item: Are you implying that PLC and MS/TP devices don’t
> require firmware updates because they aren’t “over the air”?
> 
> Page 28, 2nd bullet item, last sentence: These aren’t necessarily
> contradictory. You’ve already pointed out the PLC networks are easy to deploy
> because of the existing power wires. And these devices are mains powered. Smart
> grid meters, on the other hand, are mains powered but use a wireless connection
> for easy and quick deployment. I’d probably delete this sentence or consider
> rethinking it.
> 
> Nits/editorial comments:
> 
> General:
> 
> For each use of “e.g.” (particularly) and “i.e.”, ensure that a comma follows.
> 
> Drop all uses of “etc.”. In almost every case, it appears after something else
> in the sentence that already was indicative of the incomplete nature of the
> preceding list.
> 
> Specific:
> 
> Page 3, first (partial?) paragraph, 2nd sentence: Change “2016” to “2021” in
> “IEEE Std 802.15.9-2016”. The 2016 specification was a Recommended Practice and
> has been replaced by the 2021 version, which is a Standard. Insert “a” before
> “multiplexing”.
> 
> Page 3, first (partial?) paragraph, 5th sentence: append an “s” to
> “specification”.
> 
> Page 3, last bullet item: change “of” to “about”.
> 
> Page 4, section 2.1, last sentence: delete “The”.
> 
> Page 4, section 2.2, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “The” before
> “Bluetooth SIG”.
> 
> Page 4, section 2.2, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: append an “s” after
> “connection”.
> 
> Page 4, section 2.2, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: change “is being” to “has
> been”, considering that RFC 9159 has been published.
> 
> Page 5, section 2.3, 1st paragraph: change “low power” to “low-power”. Change
> “circuit switched” to “circuit-switched”. Change “packet mode” to “packet-mode”.
> 
> Page 5, section 2.3, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert “and” before security.
> 
> Page 5, section 2.3, 5th paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma to “However”.
> 
> Page 6, section 2.5, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert a hyphen between
> “consumer” and “level”.
> 
> Page 6, section 2.6, 2nd paragraph: move “below” after “table”.
> 
> Page 7, Table 1: insert a space into the IEEE specification names (e.g.,
> IEEE1901 -> IEEE 1901).
> 
> Page 7, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert “it” before “is”. Before the word
> “effective”, considering inserting “only” or “also” depending on what makes
> sense in the context of the “but”.
> 
> Page 7, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: append an “s” after “rate”. Delete the
> colon. Make “Audio” and “Gaming” lower case.
> 
> Page 7, 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert “IEEE 1901” at the beginning of the
> sentence unless all broadband networks operate on OFDM. If that’s the case,
> then delete the sentence entirely.
> 
> Page 7, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: change “less” to “a lower”.
> 
> Page 7, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete the colon. Rewrite the applications
> in lower case. Insert “and” before “smart grid”.
> 
> Page 7, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete “standard”.
> 
> Page 8, section 2.7, 1st sentence: insert “the” before “above”. Change
> “clauses” to “subsections”. IETF doesn’t use the term clause like IEEE does.
> 
> Page 8, section 2.7, 2nd sentence: insert “the” before “dominant”.
> 
> Page 9, section 3, title: insert “an” before “IPv6”.
> 
> Page 9, section 3, 1st paragraph, last sentence: insert “the” before “6LoWPAN”.
> 
> Page 9, 1st bullet item, 1st sentence: insert “the” before “Addressing” and
> make “Addressing” lower case. Append a comma after “addresses”.
> 
> Page 9, 1st bullet item, last sentence: insert “for” before “when”. Append a
> comma to “broadcast”. Delete “and”. Change “try” to “trying”.
> 
> Page 9, 2nd bullet item, 3rd sentence: change “most” to “greatest”. Change
> “optimum” to “optimal”.
> 
> Page 9, 2nd bullet item, 4th sentence: insert “and” between “[RFC8163]” and
> “[RFC8105]”.
> 
> Page 10, 3rd bullet item, last sentence: append “RFC” after “latter” to make it
> clear what is the latter.
> 
> Page 11, 1st partial paragraph, 1st partial sentence: insert “and” between
> “[RFC8163],” and “[RFC8105]”.
> 
> Page 11, 1st partial paragraph, 1st full sentence: change “to” to “also”.
> Change “compress” to “compressing”. Delete the “also” following that. Put a
> period at the end of the sentence.
> 
> Page 11, 1st bullet item, 4th sentence: insert “The” before “6lo”. Change “is
> working” to “has worked”. Change “at” to “in the”.
> 
> Page 11, 1st bullet item, 4th sentence: insert “the” before “initial”.
> 
> Page 11, 2nd bullet item, 2nd sentence: insert “the” before “ESC”.
> 
> Page 11, section 4.1, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: delete “the”. Delete
> “standard”.
> 
> Page 11, section 4.1, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert “mains-“ before
> “powered”. Both types of devices are powered. You could also use “grid-“, I
> guess, since “mains” is more of a British usage.
> 
> Page 11, section 4.1, bullet list: don’t capitalize the items in the bullet
> list beyond the first word except where those are well-known terms that require
> the capitalization. Even AMI doesn’t appear to be consistently used with
> capitalization.
> 
> Page 12, 6th bullet item: append a comma after “Conditioning”.
> 
> Page 12, 8th bullet item: change “IEEE802” to “IEEE P802” or “IEEE 802”. The
> “P” standards for project. Insert “and” before “ETSI”.
> 
> Page 12, 14th bullet item: change “long term” to “long-term”.
> 
> Page 12, last paragraph: expand the use of “FAN”. I presume it is “Field Area
> Networks”.
> 
> Page 13, section 4.3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change the hyphen in
> “highly-reliable” to a space.
> 
> Page 13, section 4.3, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: delete an extraneous space
> after appending the previously noted comma after “e.g.”.
> 
> Page 13, section 4.3, bullet list: Use lower case after the first word in each
> item.
> 
> Page 14, section 4.4, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert “the” before
> “HomePlug”. Change “long distance” to “long-distance”.
> 
> Page 15, 1st paragraph: insert “The” before “Netricity”. Delete “PLC standard”.
> 
> Page 15, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “an” before “IPv6”.
> 
> Page 15, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: expand the acronym “MRHOF”. Change “the
> own” to “their own”.
> 
> Page 15, section 5.1, 2nd paragraph: change “Variety” to “A variety”. Append a
> comma after “curtains”.
> 
> Page 16, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: change “specially” to “especially”.
> 
> Page 16, section 5.2, 1st paragraph, last sentence: append a comma following
> “wellness”.
> 
> Page 16, last paragraph, last sentence: change “the” to “this”.
> 
> Page 17, section 5.3, 3rd sentence: change “specially” to “especially”. Insert
> “and” before “healthcare”.
> 
> Page 17, section 5.4, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma after “open”.
> 
> Page 17, section 5.4, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert a hyphen between
> “low” and “cost”. Then append a comma after “low-cost”. Delete the hyphen in
> “inter-connect”.
> 
> Page 17, section 5.4, 1st paragraph, last sentence: change “high speed” to
> “high-speed”.
> 
> Page 18, 1st paragraph, last sentence: append a comma after “home-run”. Change
> “Cat-5 style” to “Cat 5-style”
> 
> Page 18, 3rd paragraph, last sentence: change “low cost” to “low-cost”.
> 
> Page 18, section 5.5, 2nd paragraph, 4th sentence: change “LCDs” to “displays”
> so that there isn’t an unnecessary constraint on the display technology in the
> example.
> 
> Page 19, section 5.6, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: make the list of items
> following “area of” lower case. Append a comma after “management”.
> 
> Page 19, section 5.6, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “a” before “WAN”.
> Append a comma following “Ethernet”.
> 
> Page 19, section 5.6, 4th paragraph, 1st sentence: insert “and” between “labor”
> and “operational”.
> 
> Page 19, section 5.6, 4th paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “charge” to
> “charging”. Append a comma after “theft”.
> 
> Page 19, section 5.6, last paragraph, 1st sentence: append an “s” to “rate”.
> Then append a comma to “rates”.
> 
> Page 20, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert “A” before “WASA”. Append an “s”
> to “amount”. Insert “a” before “wide”.
> 
> Page 20, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma after “controlling”.
> 
> Page 26, Appendix A, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: Delete “The”.
> 
> Page 27, 4th bullet item, 1st sentence: change “more” to “a higher”.
> 
> Page 27, 6th bullet item, 2nd sentence: insert “be” before “moved.
> 
> Page 27, 8th bullet item: append a comma after “example”. Delete “service”.
> 
> Page 27, 9th bullet item, 2nd sentence: append an “s” to “case”. Append an “s”
> to “length”.
> 
> Page 27, 10th bullet item: change the second “the” to “a”.
> 
> Page 28, 1st bullet item, 2nd sentence: append a comma after “cases”. Change
> “are” to “is”.
> 
> Page 28, 2nd bullet item, 2nd sentence: append an “s” after “requirement”.
> Insert “the” before “6lo”.
> 
> 
> 
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