From nobody Mon Jul 11 18:32:02 2022 Return-Path: X-Original-To: 6lo@ietfa.amsl.com Delivered-To: 6lo@ietfa.amsl.com Received: from localhost (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by ietfa.amsl.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id 723D6C157B53; Mon, 11 Jul 2022 18:32:01 -0700 (PDT) X-Virus-Scanned: amavisd-new at amsl.com X-Spam-Flag: NO X-Spam-Score: -2.103 X-Spam-Level: X-Spam-Status: No, score=-2.103 tagged_above=-999 required=5 tests=[BAYES_00=-1.9, DKIM_SIGNED=0.1, DKIM_VALID=-0.1, DKIM_VALID_AU=-0.1, DKIM_VALID_EF=-0.1, FREEMAIL_FROM=0.001, HTML_MESSAGE=0.001, RCVD_IN_DNSWL_BLOCKED=0.001, RCVD_IN_ZEN_BLOCKED_OPENDNS=0.001, SPF_HELO_NONE=0.001, SPF_PASS=-0.001, T_SCC_BODY_TEXT_LINE=-0.01, URIBL_BLOCKED=0.001, URIBL_DBL_BLOCKED_OPENDNS=0.001, URIBL_ZEN_BLOCKED_OPENDNS=0.001] autolearn=ham autolearn_force=no Authentication-Results: ietfa.amsl.com (amavisd-new); dkim=pass (2048-bit key) header.d=gmail.com Received: from mail.ietf.org ([50.223.129.194]) by localhost (ietfa.amsl.com [127.0.0.1]) (amavisd-new, port 10024) with ESMTP id K7b6aVTjistg; Mon, 11 Jul 2022 18:32:00 -0700 (PDT) Received: from mail-pj1-x102e.google.com (mail-pj1-x102e.google.com [IPv6:2607:f8b0:4864:20::102e]) (using TLSv1.3 with cipher TLS_AES_128_GCM_SHA256 (128/128 bits) key-exchange X25519 server-signature RSA-PSS (2048 bits) server-digest SHA256) (No client certificate requested) by ietfa.amsl.com (Postfix) with ESMTPS id E1A36C14CF0E; Mon, 11 Jul 2022 18:31:59 -0700 (PDT) Received: by mail-pj1-x102e.google.com with SMTP id p9so6296179pjd.3; Mon, 11 Jul 2022 18:31:59 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=gmail.com; s=20210112; h=mime-version:references:in-reply-to:from:date:message-id:subject:to :cc; bh=MnvPK8AIunCT9BOFKiP+J1CFU7Jw4SljF7xXv5yjvqk=; b=ZDzIabrHW13D7KBFN8SYAM1XZPs0+E9fwlEZFbdia1gSakBQpwq7yx3j81SFxVQGF9 lXj9j/CCmKI2plrIOyxT/Iu9NWyzjvBizLqgCT69SyCN5mZqKCb3pclCNqV4Ayb73A0/ 7x75kvCVTdRVfKvmTZ8MDpcLJbWcHLKELcodG80p5jwQ+wEhrPVgUDqqVck2jxdw4QSG 2MCkfLttzNpAbBNUygB8bd+XPS1jRJVVWJ8OiHKZSOoYmxRGQi5u+HDC6bAEch/DzPL8 Z7XMqYQLU0fTPROUiF1eeoe4WHj3cBScXP7M+sb5otZMe+r8gf2ey2T6pt1jl7YSGPfQ TuGg== X-Google-DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=1e100.net; s=20210112; h=x-gm-message-state:mime-version:references:in-reply-to:from:date :message-id:subject:to:cc; bh=MnvPK8AIunCT9BOFKiP+J1CFU7Jw4SljF7xXv5yjvqk=; b=X4v0Hj2UXkQjR2KzaEn07xW9zQJoffz32Uk167QJg7PaoS7m4caLbS9bzFz7h/OXbn itxYYH9h4TWc3WYclkZIhhYacIg+EHRkkSj7rTRt30jmPtKWIz8q0JVPHsRf92EtcxNz uC+lzTfR0VRm+/vDIHm7sMyz6N3b+wzLZiBx+QzokUcL+Vb9yK3s5JYH8RcMcanKpHrE xW06Bidcq0YNOimhAVAkBREVDfwXDcjEYbZBnTLBYO8/66+vCGJ3ws94A2HT5iVl2Zrl +z1J7p9d8wuUbQgzxnsJgokje9+WCtyCNP/QFy3lGLYBRRl6eqKYIGPl3SAzQcJszANs scwQ== X-Gm-Message-State: AJIora9F3ShjyMvrUvtuTH3fYPw0wna+3txAy/yuZl3V0Bur7f6S8afH VQlmg6uZOPsypVxf2U8YEm/C5UYcbxi4rSQnpWrYX4b1GOgs3w== X-Google-Smtp-Source: AGRyM1tWIGSaeAOL2Ay1X88NwaIDiGdUZNznFoJZJ++HqXLApCuYIVnNGisa+hhnIsa8r7KLDk1RvZ7ZEZ/EpuuorTo= X-Received: by 2002:a17:902:720b:b0:16b:decd:5a66 with SMTP id ba11-20020a170902720b00b0016bdecd5a66mr21215865plb.33.1657589518808; Mon, 11 Jul 2022 18:31:58 -0700 (PDT) MIME-Version: 1.0 References: <164922681668.19418.17473471229907975510@ietfa.amsl.com> In-Reply-To: <164922681668.19418.17473471229907975510@ietfa.amsl.com> From: Yong-Geun Hong Date: Tue, 12 Jul 2022 10:31:47 +0900 Message-ID: To: Peter Yee Cc: gen-art@ietf.org, lo <6lo@ietf.org>, draft-ietf-6lo-use-cases.all@ietf.org, last-call@ietf.org Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="00000000000073bba605e391a2c6" Archived-At: Subject: Re: [6lo] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-6lo-use-cases-12 X-BeenThere: 6lo@ietf.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.39 Precedence: list List-Id: "Mailing list for the 6lo WG for Internet Area issues in IPv6 over constrained node networks." <6lo.ietf.org> List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , X-List-Received-Date: Tue, 12 Jul 2022 01:32:01 -0000 --00000000000073bba605e391a2c6 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="UTF-8" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Dear Peter Yee. Thanks for your valuable reviews and comments on this draft. And sorry for the late reply. I have acknowledged your email but due to other business, I lost the chance to reply immediately. During the update of this draft, I tried to resolve your comments in the revision. It is appreciated to check my response for your comments in lines. You could find the revised version of this draft in here : https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-6lo-use-cases I appreciated your detailed reviews and comments. Best regards Yong-Geun. 2022=EB=85=84 4=EC=9B=94 6=EC=9D=BC (=EC=88=98) =EC=98=A4=ED=9B=84 3:33, Pe= ter Yee via Datatracker =EB=8B=98=EC=9D=B4 =EC=9E=91=EC= =84=B1: > Reviewer: Peter Yee > Review result: Ready with Issues > > I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area > Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed > by the IESG for the IETF Chair. Please treat these comments just > like any other last call comments. > > For more information, please see the FAQ at > > . > > Document: draft-ietf-6lo-use-cases-12 > Reviewer: Peter Yee > Review Date: 2022-04-05 > IETF LC End Date: 2022-04-06 > IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat > > Summary: This informational document describes various networking > technologies > that can be used in 6lo networks, their characteristics, and example use > cases. > There some issues and nits that should be address prior to publication. > [Ready > with issues] > > Major issues: None > > Minor issues: > > Page 7, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: =E2=80=9CInternet=E2=80=9D is not an= application. And > use > of the Internet does not imply a requirement for high data rates either. > I=E2=80=99d > drop that so-called =E2=80=9Capplication=E2=80=9D. > [Yong-Geun] Drop "application" > > Page 7, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: This is not a good reference. That i= s > a > specification that makes the claim given in the sentence, but it is not > substantiated here or there. Furthermore, being based on the broken > security in > IEEE 802.15.4 (ask Tero Kivinen) at the time of IEEE 1901.2=E2=80=99s pub= lication > is > probably not a selling point now. If IEEE 1902.2 supports layering over a= n > IEEE > 802.15.4-2020 network possibly with IEEE 802.15.4y (aka Security Next > Generation, which added stronger crypto), then it might be worth > mentioning. > [Yong-Geun] Drop the two sentences (Usage example and security parts). Delete RFC 8036 > Page 7, 4th paragraph, last sentence: in regards to =E2=80=9Cfrequencies= =E2=80=9D, I assume > that the 500 kHz is not in reference to the AC frequency but rather the > signaling frequency. It wasn=E2=80=99t completely clear in this context b= ut may > not be > worth addressing either. > [Yong-Geun] Change "frequencies" to "frequency bands" > > Page 8, Table 2: for security requirement, how does =E2=80=9Chigh=E2=80= =9D security differ > from > other security? These terms are a bit nebulous. > [Yong-Geun] Delete "Security Requirement" due to ambiguity > > Page 8, Table 2: for data rate, how does =E2=80=9Csmall=E2=80=9D compare = to =E2=80=9Cinfrequent=E2=80=9D? I > don=E2=80=99t know how to rank these terms. I=E2=80=99m not sure =E2=80= =9CData Rate=E2=80=9D is the right > row > header for the values given. > [Yong-Geun] Change "Data Rate" to "Transmission Frequency Feature" Change "Small" in NFC to "Infrequent" > > Page 11, 1st bullet item, 4th sentence: instead of =E2=80=9Cdifferent lev= els of > security=E2=80=9D, consider using =E2=80=9Cother security mechanisms=E2= =80=9D. I have troubles > comparing the levels of =E2=80=9Chardware-level security=E2=80=9D and =E2= =80=9Ccertificates for > initial > booting process=E2=80=9D. > [Yong-Geun] Change "different levels of security" to "other security mechanisms" > > Page 12, 12th bullet item: what does =E2=80=9Cenergy friendliness=E2=80= =9D mean? Perhaps > you > could use =E2=80=9Clow energy usage=E2=80=9D if that=E2=80=99s what you a= re trying to convey? > [Yong-Geun] Change =E2=80=9Cenergy friendliness=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Clow e= nergy usage=E2=80=9D > > Page 16, section 5.3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: I will point out that > in the > home environment, these cordless telephone base stations are almost never > connected to a data network. Thus, it seems that pre-existing Fixed Parts > aren=E2=80=99t particularly valuable to this scenario. Use of DECT-ULE fo= r 6lo use > cases will almost certainly require a Fixed Part that has a data network > connection. > [Yong-Geun] Reflect the comment and add the sentence. "In this case, additionally, the Fixed Part must have a data network connection" > > Page 18, section 5.5, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: I=E2=80=99m confused h= ere. You > just > mentioned wearable devices. Now you say that these devices are densely > installed at home. Which one is it? Or are these *other* devices that are > talking about in this sentence? If so, change =E2=80=9CThe=E2=80=9D to = =E2=80=9COther=E2=80=9D. > [Yong-Geun] Change the sentence =E2=80=9CThe 6lo devices are densely insta= lled at home for movement detection.=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9COther 6lo devices are densely installed at home for movement de= tection.=E2=80=9D > > Page 18, section 5.5, 3rd paragraph, last sentence: why do the hackers > have to > be hidden? LTE traffic can be heard for quite a distance. A listening > hacker > wouldn=E2=80=99t have to be hidden. Where a hidden listener would be requ= ired > would be > near an NFC connection because of the very short distances involved and t= he > difficulty with placing a listening device near enough to pick up the > emanations. > [Yong-Geun] We tried to capture the natural behavior of hackers. They don=E2=80=99t want to show their features in public. We delete the expression =E2=80=9CHidden=E2=80=9D > > Page 26, Appendix A: I don=E2=80=99t understand how these dimensions fit = in with > section 3. Why aren=E2=80=99t they merged? These seem like additional > considerations. > If they don=E2=80=99t belong in section 3, then how do they tie back to t= he rest > of the > document? > [Yong-Geun] In old versions of this document, the content in Appendix A is located in the main body. During progressing this document and resolving the comments, it is moved to Appendix A. If you prefer the moving of these contents, I agree with your suggestion. I would ask the directions in the next meeting. > > Page 27, 4th bullet item, 2nd sentence: a buffering mechanism isn=E2=80= =99t > strictly > required. Another option would be to tell the application to throttle its > generation of data, if appropriate to the application. Or compression of > the > data might suffice. > [Yong-Geun] Add other options such as telling the application to throttle its generation of data and compression of the data. > > Page 27, 7th bullet item, 1st sentence: I would delete =E2=80=9C6lo=E2=80= =9D. I would think > that time synchronization would be importance to the application making u= p > the > use case, regardless of the use of 6lo. For the second sentence, I don=E2= =80=99t > understand what =E2=80=9Ctransferred with time synchronization=E2=80=9D m= eans. If it has > been > recorded with =E2=80=9Cexact time=E2=80=9D, then a timestamp presumably e= xists. Then it=E2=80=99s > not > clear what time synchronization is required for. > [Yong-Geun] Change the first sentence =E2=80=9CThe requirement of time synchronization of the upper layer service is dependent on the 6lo use case.=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9CThe requirement of time synchronization of the u= pper layer service is dependent on the use case.=E2=80=9D [Yong-Geun] If the timestamp exists, the expression of =E2=80=9Cmust be tra= nsferred with time synchronization=E2=80=9D is not necessary and it can be removed. > > Page 27, 9th bullet item, last sentence: How do continuous and periodic > work > together? The latter would seem to imply a discontinuity. It=E2=80=99s no= t clear > what > this sentence means. > [Yong-Geun] Change the sentence =E2=80=9CSome 6lo use case may require con= tinuous data and periodic data transmission.=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9CSome 6lo use case= may require continuous data transmission and discontinuous data transmission.=E2=80=9D > > Page 27, 10th bullet item: What are these =E2=80=9Cexternal operations=E2= =80=9D? > [Yong-Geun] The external operation is the operations which are provided by other layers or other components except for 6lo functions. > > Page 28, 1st bullet item: Are you implying that PLC and MS/TP devices don= =E2=80=99t > require firmware updates because they aren=E2=80=99t =E2=80=9Cover the ai= r=E2=80=9D? > [Yong-Geun] No, it is literally a wired connection such as PLC and MS/TP. We don=E2=80=99t describe the requirements of firmware updated in this bull= et. > > Page 28, 2nd bullet item, last sentence: These aren=E2=80=99t necessarily > contradictory. You=E2=80=99ve already pointed out the PLC networks are ea= sy to > deploy > because of the existing power wires. And these devices are mains powered. > Smart > grid meters, on the other hand, are mains powered but use a wireless > connection > for easy and quick deployment. I=E2=80=99d probably delete this sentence = or > consider > rethinking it. > [Yong-Geun] Agree, delete the last sentence. > > Nits/editorial comments: > [Yong-Geun] I reflect your comments almost. > > General: > > For each use of =E2=80=9Ce.g.=E2=80=9D (particularly) and =E2=80=9Ci.e.= =E2=80=9D, ensure that a comma > follows. > > Drop all uses of =E2=80=9Cetc.=E2=80=9D. In almost every case, it appears= after something > else > in the sentence that already was indicative of the incomplete nature of t= he > preceding list. > > Specific: > > Page 3, first (partial?) paragraph, 2nd sentence: Change =E2=80=9C2016=E2= =80=9D to =E2=80=9C2021=E2=80=9D > in > =E2=80=9CIEEE Std 802.15.9-2016=E2=80=9D. The 2016 specification was a Re= commended > Practice and > has been replaced by the 2021 version, which is a Standard. Insert =E2=80= =9Ca=E2=80=9D > before > =E2=80=9Cmultiplexing=E2=80=9D. > > Page 3, first (partial?) paragraph, 5th sentence: append an =E2=80=9Cs=E2= =80=9D to > =E2=80=9Cspecification=E2=80=9D. > > Page 3, last bullet item: change =E2=80=9Cof=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Cabout= =E2=80=9D. > > Page 4, section 2.1, last sentence: delete =E2=80=9CThe=E2=80=9D. > > Page 4, section 2.2, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert =E2=80=9CThe=E2= =80=9D before > =E2=80=9CBluetooth SIG=E2=80=9D. > > Page 4, section 2.2, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: append an =E2=80=9Cs=E2= =80=9D after > =E2=80=9Cconnection=E2=80=9D. > > Page 4, section 2.2, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: change =E2=80=9Cis bei= ng=E2=80=9D to > =E2=80=9Chas > been=E2=80=9D, considering that RFC 9159 has been published. > > Page 5, section 2.3, 1st paragraph: change =E2=80=9Clow power=E2=80=9D to= =E2=80=9Clow-power=E2=80=9D. > Change > =E2=80=9Ccircuit switched=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Ccircuit-switched=E2=80=9D.= Change =E2=80=9Cpacket mode=E2=80=9D to > =E2=80=9Cpacket-mode=E2=80=9D. > > Page 5, section 2.3, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cand=E2= =80=9D before > security. > > Page 5, section 2.3, 5th paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma to > =E2=80=9CHowever=E2=80=9D. > > Page 6, section 2.5, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert a hyphen between > =E2=80=9Cconsumer=E2=80=9D and =E2=80=9Clevel=E2=80=9D. > > Page 6, section 2.6, 2nd paragraph: move =E2=80=9Cbelow=E2=80=9D after = =E2=80=9Ctable=E2=80=9D. > > Page 7, Table 1: insert a space into the IEEE specification names (e.g., > IEEE1901 -> IEEE 1901). > > Page 7, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cit=E2=80=9D before = =E2=80=9Cis=E2=80=9D. Before the > word > =E2=80=9Ceffective=E2=80=9D, considering inserting =E2=80=9Conly=E2=80=9D= or =E2=80=9Calso=E2=80=9D depending on what makes > sense in the context of the =E2=80=9Cbut=E2=80=9D. > > Page 7, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: append an =E2=80=9Cs=E2=80=9D after = =E2=80=9Crate=E2=80=9D. Delete the > colon. Make =E2=80=9CAudio=E2=80=9D and =E2=80=9CGaming=E2=80=9D lower ca= se. > > Page 7, 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert =E2=80=9CIEEE 1901=E2=80=9D a= t the beginning > of the > sentence unless all broadband networks operate on OFDM. If that=E2=80=99s= the case, > then delete the sentence entirely. > > Page 7, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: change =E2=80=9Cless=E2=80=9D to =E2= =80=9Ca lower=E2=80=9D. > > Page 7, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete the colon. Rewrite the > applications > in lower case. Insert =E2=80=9Cand=E2=80=9D before =E2=80=9Csmart grid=E2= =80=9D. > > Page 7, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete =E2=80=9Cstandard=E2=80=9D. > > Page 8, section 2.7, 1st sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cthe=E2=80=9D before = =E2=80=9Cabove=E2=80=9D. Change > =E2=80=9Cclauses=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Csubsections=E2=80=9D. IETF doesn=E2= =80=99t use the term clause like IEEE > does. > > Page 8, section 2.7, 2nd sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cthe=E2=80=9D before = =E2=80=9Cdominant=E2=80=9D. > > Page 9, section 3, title: insert =E2=80=9Can=E2=80=9D before =E2=80=9CIPv= 6=E2=80=9D. > > Page 9, section 3, 1st paragraph, last sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cthe=E2= =80=9D before > =E2=80=9C6LoWPAN=E2=80=9D. > > Page 9, 1st bullet item, 1st sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cthe=E2=80=9D befor= e =E2=80=9CAddressing=E2=80=9D and > make =E2=80=9CAddressing=E2=80=9D lower case. Append a comma after =E2=80= =9Caddresses=E2=80=9D. > > Page 9, 1st bullet item, last sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cfor=E2=80=9D befo= re =E2=80=9Cwhen=E2=80=9D. Append > a > comma to =E2=80=9Cbroadcast=E2=80=9D. Delete =E2=80=9Cand=E2=80=9D. Chang= e =E2=80=9Ctry=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Ctrying=E2=80=9D. > > Page 9, 2nd bullet item, 3rd sentence: change =E2=80=9Cmost=E2=80=9D to = =E2=80=9Cgreatest=E2=80=9D. Change > =E2=80=9Coptimum=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Coptimal=E2=80=9D. > > Page 9, 2nd bullet item, 4th sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cand=E2=80=9D betwe= en =E2=80=9C[RFC8163]=E2=80=9D and > =E2=80=9C[RFC8105]=E2=80=9D. > > Page 10, 3rd bullet item, last sentence: append =E2=80=9CRFC=E2=80=9D aft= er =E2=80=9Clatter=E2=80=9D to > make it > clear what is the latter. > > Page 11, 1st partial paragraph, 1st partial sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cand= =E2=80=9D between > =E2=80=9C[RFC8163],=E2=80=9D and =E2=80=9C[RFC8105]=E2=80=9D. > > Page 11, 1st partial paragraph, 1st full sentence: change =E2=80=9Cto=E2= =80=9D to =E2=80=9Calso=E2=80=9D. > Change =E2=80=9Ccompress=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Ccompressing=E2=80=9D. Delet= e the =E2=80=9Calso=E2=80=9D following that. Put a > period at the end of the sentence. > > Page 11, 1st bullet item, 4th sentence: insert =E2=80=9CThe=E2=80=9D befo= re =E2=80=9C6lo=E2=80=9D. Change > =E2=80=9Cis > working=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Chas worked=E2=80=9D. Change =E2=80=9Cat=E2= =80=9D to =E2=80=9Cin the=E2=80=9D. > > Page 11, 1st bullet item, 4th sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cthe=E2=80=9D befo= re =E2=80=9Cinitial=E2=80=9D. > > Page 11, 2nd bullet item, 2nd sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cthe=E2=80=9D befo= re =E2=80=9CESC=E2=80=9D. > > Page 11, section 4.1, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: delete =E2=80=9Cthe=E2= =80=9D. Delete > =E2=80=9Cstandard=E2=80=9D. > > Page 11, section 4.1, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cmains-= =E2=80=9C before > =E2=80=9Cpowered=E2=80=9D. Both types of devices are powered. You could a= lso use =E2=80=9Cgrid-=E2=80=9C, I > guess, since =E2=80=9Cmains=E2=80=9D is more of a British usage. > > Page 11, section 4.1, bullet list: don=E2=80=99t capitalize the items in = the bullet > list beyond the first word except where those are well-known terms that > require > the capitalization. Even AMI doesn=E2=80=99t appear to be consistently us= ed with > capitalization. > > Page 12, 6th bullet item: append a comma after =E2=80=9CConditioning=E2= =80=9D. > > Page 12, 8th bullet item: change =E2=80=9CIEEE802=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9CIE= EE P802=E2=80=9D or =E2=80=9CIEEE 802=E2=80=9D. > The > =E2=80=9CP=E2=80=9D standards for project. Insert =E2=80=9Cand=E2=80=9D b= efore =E2=80=9CETSI=E2=80=9D. > > Page 12, 14th bullet item: change =E2=80=9Clong term=E2=80=9D to =E2=80= =9Clong-term=E2=80=9D. > > Page 12, last paragraph: expand the use of =E2=80=9CFAN=E2=80=9D. I presu= me it is =E2=80=9CField > Area > Networks=E2=80=9D. > > Page 13, section 4.3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change the hyphen in > =E2=80=9Chighly-reliable=E2=80=9D to a space. > > Page 13, section 4.3, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: delete an extraneous > space > after appending the previously noted comma after =E2=80=9Ce.g.=E2=80=9D. > > Page 13, section 4.3, bullet list: Use lower case after the first word in > each > item. > > Page 14, section 4.4, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cthe=E2= =80=9D before > =E2=80=9CHomePlug=E2=80=9D. Change =E2=80=9Clong distance=E2=80=9D to =E2= =80=9Clong-distance=E2=80=9D. > > Page 15, 1st paragraph: insert =E2=80=9CThe=E2=80=9D before =E2=80=9CNetr= icity=E2=80=9D. Delete =E2=80=9CPLC > standard=E2=80=9D. > > Page 15, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert =E2=80=9Can=E2=80=9D before = =E2=80=9CIPv6=E2=80=9D. > > Page 15, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: expand the acronym =E2=80=9CMRHOF= =E2=80=9D. Change > =E2=80=9Cthe > own=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Ctheir own=E2=80=9D. > > Page 15, section 5.1, 2nd paragraph: change =E2=80=9CVariety=E2=80=9D to = =E2=80=9CA variety=E2=80=9D. > Append a > comma after =E2=80=9Ccurtains=E2=80=9D. > > Page 16, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: change =E2=80=9Cspecially=E2=80=9D = to =E2=80=9Cespecially=E2=80=9D. > > Page 16, section 5.2, 1st paragraph, last sentence: append a comma > following > =E2=80=9Cwellness=E2=80=9D. > > Page 16, last paragraph, last sentence: change =E2=80=9Cthe=E2=80=9D to = =E2=80=9Cthis=E2=80=9D. > > Page 17, section 5.3, 3rd sentence: change =E2=80=9Cspecially=E2=80=9D to= =E2=80=9Cespecially=E2=80=9D. > Insert > =E2=80=9Cand=E2=80=9D before =E2=80=9Chealthcare=E2=80=9D. > > Page 17, section 5.4, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma after > =E2=80=9Copen=E2=80=9D. > > Page 17, section 5.4, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert a hyphen betwee= n > =E2=80=9Clow=E2=80=9D and =E2=80=9Ccost=E2=80=9D. Then append a comma aft= er =E2=80=9Clow-cost=E2=80=9D. Delete the hyphen > in > =E2=80=9Cinter-connect=E2=80=9D. > > Page 17, section 5.4, 1st paragraph, last sentence: change =E2=80=9Chigh = speed=E2=80=9D to > =E2=80=9Chigh-speed=E2=80=9D. > > Page 18, 1st paragraph, last sentence: append a comma after =E2=80=9Chome= -run=E2=80=9D. > Change > =E2=80=9CCat-5 style=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9CCat 5-style=E2=80=9D > > Page 18, 3rd paragraph, last sentence: change =E2=80=9Clow cost=E2=80=9D = to =E2=80=9Clow-cost=E2=80=9D. > > Page 18, section 5.5, 2nd paragraph, 4th sentence: change =E2=80=9CLCDs= =E2=80=9D to > =E2=80=9Cdisplays=E2=80=9D > so that there isn=E2=80=99t an unnecessary constraint on the display tech= nology in > the > example. > > Page 19, section 5.6, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: make the list of item= s > following =E2=80=9Carea of=E2=80=9D lower case. Append a comma after =E2= =80=9Cmanagement=E2=80=9D. > > Page 19, section 5.6, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert =E2=80=9Ca=E2= =80=9D before =E2=80=9CWAN=E2=80=9D. > Append a comma following =E2=80=9CEthernet=E2=80=9D. > > Page 19, section 5.6, 4th paragraph, 1st sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cand=E2= =80=9D between > =E2=80=9Clabor=E2=80=9D > and =E2=80=9Coperational=E2=80=9D. > > Page 19, section 5.6, 4th paragraph, 2nd sentence: change =E2=80=9Ccharge= =E2=80=9D to > =E2=80=9Ccharging=E2=80=9D. Append a comma after =E2=80=9Ctheft=E2=80=9D. > > Page 19, section 5.6, last paragraph, 1st sentence: append an =E2=80=9Cs= =E2=80=9D to > =E2=80=9Crate=E2=80=9D. > Then append a comma to =E2=80=9Crates=E2=80=9D. > > Page 20, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert =E2=80=9CA=E2=80=9D before = =E2=80=9CWASA=E2=80=9D. Append an > =E2=80=9Cs=E2=80=9D > to =E2=80=9Camount=E2=80=9D. Insert =E2=80=9Ca=E2=80=9D before =E2=80=9Cw= ide=E2=80=9D. > > Page 20, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma after =E2=80=9Ccontr= olling=E2=80=9D. > > Page 26, Appendix A, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: Delete =E2=80=9CThe=E2= =80=9D. > > Page 27, 4th bullet item, 1st sentence: change =E2=80=9Cmore=E2=80=9D to = =E2=80=9Ca higher=E2=80=9D. > > Page 27, 6th bullet item, 2nd sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cbe=E2=80=9D befor= e =E2=80=9Cmoved. > > Page 27, 8th bullet item: append a comma after =E2=80=9Cexample=E2=80=9D.= Delete =E2=80=9Cservice=E2=80=9D. > > Page 27, 9th bullet item, 2nd sentence: append an =E2=80=9Cs=E2=80=9D to = =E2=80=9Ccase=E2=80=9D. Append an > =E2=80=9Cs=E2=80=9D > to =E2=80=9Clength=E2=80=9D. > > Page 27, 10th bullet item: change the second =E2=80=9Cthe=E2=80=9D to =E2= =80=9Ca=E2=80=9D. > > Page 28, 1st bullet item, 2nd sentence: append a comma after =E2=80=9Ccas= es=E2=80=9D. > Change > =E2=80=9Care=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Cis=E2=80=9D. > > Page 28, 2nd bullet item, 2nd sentence: append an =E2=80=9Cs=E2=80=9D aft= er =E2=80=9Crequirement=E2=80=9D. > Insert =E2=80=9Cthe=E2=80=9D before =E2=80=9C6lo=E2=80=9D. > > > > --00000000000073bba605e391a2c6 Content-Type: text/html; charset="UTF-8" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
Dear Peter Yee.

Thanks for y= our valuable reviews and comments on this draft.
And=C2=A0sorry f= or the late reply. I have acknowledged your email but due to other business= , I lost the chance to reply immediately.

<= div>During the update of this draft, I tried to resolve your comments in th= e revision.
It is appreciated to check my response for your comments i= n lines.

You could find the revised version of this draf= t in here :
https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-6lo-use-cases
=

I appreciated your detailed reviews and comments.=

Best regards

Yong-Geun.<= br>


2022=EB=85=84 4=EC=9B=94 6=EC=9D=BC (=EC=88=98) =EC=98=A4=ED=9B=84 3:= 33, Peter Yee via Datatracker <norep= ly@ietf.org>=EB=8B=98=EC=9D=B4 =EC=9E=91=EC=84=B1:
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review result: Ready with Issues

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
by the IESG for the IETF Chair.=C2=A0 Please treat these comments just
like any other last call comments.

For more information, please see the FAQ at

<https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq&g= t;.

Document: draft-ietf-6lo-use-cases-12
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review Date: 2022-04-05
IETF LC End Date: 2022-04-06
IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat

Summary: This informational document describes various networking technolog= ies
that can be used in 6lo networks, their characteristics, and example use ca= ses.
There some issues and nits that should be address prior to publication. [Re= ady
with issues]

Major issues: None

Minor issues:

Page 7, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: =E2=80=9CInternet=E2=80=9D is not an a= pplication. And use
of the Internet does not imply a requirement for high data rates either. I= =E2=80=99d
drop that so-called =E2=80=9Capplication=E2=80=9D.
[Yo= ng-Geun] Drop "application"
=C2=A0

Page 7, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: This is not a good reference. That is = a
specification that makes the claim given in the sentence, but it is not
substantiated here or there. Furthermore, being based on the broken securit= y in
IEEE 802.15.4 (ask Tero Kivinen) at the time of IEEE 1901.2=E2=80=99s publi= cation is
probably not a selling point now. If IEEE 1902.2 supports layering over an = IEEE
802.15.4-2020 network possibly with IEEE 802.15.4y (aka Security Next
Generation, which added stronger crypto), then it might be worth mentioning= .
[Yong-Geun] Drop the two sentences (Usage example an= d security parts).=C2=A0
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0Delete RFC 8036
=C2=A0
Page 7, 4th paragraph, last sentence: in regards to =E2=80=9Cfrequencies=E2= =80=9D, I assume
that the 500 kHz is not in reference to the AC frequency but rather the
signaling frequency. It wasn=E2=80=99t completely clear in this context but= may not be
worth addressing either.
=C2=A0[Yong-Geun] Change &quo= t;frequencies" to "frequency bands"

Page 8, Table 2: for security requirement, how does =E2=80=9Chigh=E2=80=9D = security differ from
other security? These terms are a bit nebulous.
=C2=A0= [Yong-Geun] Delete "Security Requirement" due to ambiguity
<= blockquote class=3D"gmail_quote" style=3D"margin:0px 0px 0px 0.8ex;border-l= eft:1px solid rgb(204,204,204);padding-left:1ex">
Page 8, Table 2: for data rate, how does =E2=80=9Csmall=E2=80=9D compare to= =E2=80=9Cinfrequent=E2=80=9D? I
don=E2=80=99t know how to rank these terms. I=E2=80=99m not sure =E2=80=9CD= ata Rate=E2=80=9D is the right row
header for the values given.
=C2=A0[Yong-Geun] Change = "Data Rate" to "Transmission Frequency Feature"
= =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0Change "Small" in NFC to "Infrequent"

Page 11, 1st bullet item, 4th sentence: instead of =E2=80=9Cdifferent level= s of
security=E2=80=9D, consider using =E2=80=9Cother security mechanisms=E2=80= =9D. I have troubles
comparing the levels of =E2=80=9Chardware-level security=E2=80=9D and =E2= =80=9Ccertificates for initial
booting process=E2=80=9D.
=C2=A0[Yong-Geun] Change &qu= ot;different levels of security" to "other security mechanisms&qu= ot;

Page 12, 12th bullet item: what does =E2=80=9Cenergy friendliness=E2=80=9D = mean? Perhaps you
could use =E2=80=9Clow energy usage=E2=80=9D if that=E2=80=99s what you are= trying to convey?
=C2=A0[Yong-Geun] Change =E2=80=9Ce= nergy friendliness=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Clow energy usage=E2=80=9D

Page 16, section 5.3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: I will point out that in= the
home environment, these cordless telephone base stations are almost never connected to a data network. Thus, it seems that pre-existing Fixed Parts aren=E2=80=99t particularly valuable to this scenario. Use of DECT-ULE for = 6lo use
cases will almost certainly require a Fixed Part that has a data network connection.
=C2=A0[Yong-Geun] Reflect the comment and = add the sentence.
"In this case, additionally, the Fixed Part mus= t have a data network connection"

Page 18, section 5.5, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: I=E2=80=99m confused her= e. You just
mentioned wearable devices. Now you say that these devices are densely
installed at home. Which one is it? Or are these *other* devices that are talking about in this sentence? If so, change =E2=80=9CThe=E2=80=9D to =E2= =80=9COther=E2=80=9D.
=C2=A0[Yong-Geun] Change the sen= tence =E2=80=9CThe 6lo devices are densely installed at home for movement d= etection.=E2=80=9D=C2=A0
to =E2=80=9COther 6lo devices are densel= y installed at home for movement detection.=E2=80=9D

Page 18, section 5.5, 3rd paragraph, last sentence: why do the hackers have= to
be hidden? LTE traffic can be heard for quite a distance. A listening hacke= r
wouldn=E2=80=99t have to be hidden. Where a hidden listener would be requir= ed would be
near an NFC connection because of the very short distances involved and the=
difficulty with placing a listening device near enough to pick up the
emanations.
=C2=A0[Yong-Geun] We tried to capture the = natural behavior of hackers. They don=E2=80=99t want to show their features= in public.=C2=A0
=C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2= =A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 =C2=A0 We delete the expression =E2=80=9CHidden=E2= =80=9D

Page 26, Appendix A: I don=E2=80=99t understand how these dimensions fit in= with
section 3. Why aren=E2=80=99t they merged? These seem like additional consi= derations.
If they don=E2=80=99t belong in section 3, then how do they tie back to the= rest of the
document?
=C2=A0[Yong-Geun] In old versions of this do= cument, the content in Appendix A is located in the main body. During progr= essing this document and resolving the comments, it is moved to Appendix A.= If you prefer the moving of these contents, I agree with your suggestion. = I would ask the directions in the next meeting.

Page 27, 4th bullet item, 2nd sentence: a buffering mechanism isn=E2=80=99t= strictly
required. Another option would be to tell the application to throttle its generation of data, if appropriate to the application. Or compression of th= e
data might suffice.
=C2=A0[Yong-Geun] Add other option= s such as telling the application to throttle its generation of data and co= mpression of the data.

Page 27, 7th bullet item, 1st sentence: I would delete =E2=80=9C6lo=E2=80= =9D. I would think
that time synchronization would be importance to the application making up = the
use case, regardless of the use of 6lo. For the second sentence, I don=E2= =80=99t
understand what =E2=80=9Ctransferred with time synchronization=E2=80=9D mea= ns. If it has been
recorded with =E2=80=9Cexact time=E2=80=9D, then a timestamp presumably exi= sts. Then it=E2=80=99s not
clear what time synchronization is required for.
[Yong= -Geun] Change the first sentence =E2=80=9CThe requirement of time synchroni= zation of the upper layer service is dependent on the 6lo use case.=E2=80= =9D to =E2=80=9CThe requirement of time synchronization of the upper layer = service is dependent on the use case.=E2=80=9D
[Yong-Geun] If the timest= amp exists, the expression of =E2=80=9Cmust be transferred with time synchr= onization=E2=80=9D is not necessary and it can be removed.=C2=A0

Page 27, 9th bullet item, last sentence: How do continuous and periodic wor= k
together? The latter would seem to imply a discontinuity. It=E2=80=99s not = clear what
this sentence means.
=C2=A0[Yong-Geun] Change the sent= ence =E2=80=9CSome 6lo use case may require continuous data and periodic da= ta transmission.=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9CSome 6lo use case may require continu= ous data transmission and discontinuous data transmission.=E2=80=9D

Page 27, 10th bullet item: What are these =E2=80=9Cexternal operations=E2= =80=9D?
=C2=A0[Yong-Geun] The external operation is th= e operations which are provided by other layers or other components except = for 6lo functions.

Page 28, 1st bullet item: Are you implying that PLC and MS/TP devices don= =E2=80=99t
require firmware updates because they aren=E2=80=99t =E2=80=9Cover the air= =E2=80=9D?
=C2=A0[Yong-Geun] No, it is literally a wir= ed connection such as PLC and MS/TP. We don=E2=80=99t describe the requirem= ents of firmware updated in this bullet.

Page 28, 2nd bullet item, last sentence: These aren=E2=80=99t necessarily contradictory. You=E2=80=99ve already pointed out the PLC networks are easy= to deploy
because of the existing power wires. And these devices are mains powered. S= mart
grid meters, on the other hand, are mains powered but use a wireless connec= tion
for easy and quick deployment. I=E2=80=99d probably delete this sentence or= consider
rethinking it.
=C2=A0[Yong-Geun] Agree, delete the las= t sentence.

Nits/editorial comments:
=C2=A0 [Yong-Geun]=C2=A0 I re= flect your comments almost.=C2=A0

General:

For each use of =E2=80=9Ce.g.=E2=80=9D (particularly) and =E2=80=9Ci.e.=E2= =80=9D, ensure that a comma follows.

Drop all uses of =E2=80=9Cetc.=E2=80=9D. In almost every case, it appears a= fter something else
in the sentence that already was indicative of the incomplete nature of the=
preceding list.

Specific:

Page 3, first (partial?) paragraph, 2nd sentence: Change =E2=80=9C2016=E2= =80=9D to =E2=80=9C2021=E2=80=9D in
=E2=80=9CIEEE Std 802.15.9-2016=E2=80=9D. The 2016 specification was a Reco= mmended Practice and
has been replaced by the 2021 version, which is a Standard. Insert =E2=80= =9Ca=E2=80=9D before
=E2=80=9Cmultiplexing=E2=80=9D.

Page 3, first (partial?) paragraph, 5th sentence: append an =E2=80=9Cs=E2= =80=9D to
=E2=80=9Cspecification=E2=80=9D.

Page 3, last bullet item: change =E2=80=9Cof=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Cabout=E2= =80=9D.

Page 4, section 2.1, last sentence: delete =E2=80=9CThe=E2=80=9D.

Page 4, section 2.2, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert =E2=80=9CThe=E2=80= =9D before
=E2=80=9CBluetooth SIG=E2=80=9D.

Page 4, section 2.2, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: append an =E2=80=9Cs=E2= =80=9D after
=E2=80=9Cconnection=E2=80=9D.

Page 4, section 2.2, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: change =E2=80=9Cis being= =E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Chas
been=E2=80=9D, considering that RFC 9159 has been published.

Page 5, section 2.3, 1st paragraph: change =E2=80=9Clow power=E2=80=9D to = =E2=80=9Clow-power=E2=80=9D. Change
=E2=80=9Ccircuit switched=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Ccircuit-switched=E2=80=9D. C= hange =E2=80=9Cpacket mode=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Cpacket-mode=E2=80=9D.

Page 5, section 2.3, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cand=E2=80= =9D before security.

Page 5, section 2.3, 5th paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma to =E2=80= =9CHowever=E2=80=9D.

Page 6, section 2.5, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert a hyphen between =E2=80=9Cconsumer=E2=80=9D and =E2=80=9Clevel=E2=80=9D.

Page 6, section 2.6, 2nd paragraph: move =E2=80=9Cbelow=E2=80=9D after =E2= =80=9Ctable=E2=80=9D.

Page 7, Table 1: insert a space into the IEEE specification names (e.g., IEEE1901 -> IEEE 1901).

Page 7, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cit=E2=80=9D before =E2= =80=9Cis=E2=80=9D. Before the word
=E2=80=9Ceffective=E2=80=9D, considering inserting =E2=80=9Conly=E2=80=9D o= r =E2=80=9Calso=E2=80=9D depending on what makes
sense in the context of the =E2=80=9Cbut=E2=80=9D.

Page 7, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: append an =E2=80=9Cs=E2=80=9D after = =E2=80=9Crate=E2=80=9D. Delete the
colon. Make =E2=80=9CAudio=E2=80=9D and =E2=80=9CGaming=E2=80=9D lower case= .

Page 7, 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert =E2=80=9CIEEE 1901=E2=80=9D at = the beginning of the
sentence unless all broadband networks operate on OFDM. If that=E2=80=99s t= he case,
then delete the sentence entirely.

Page 7, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: change =E2=80=9Cless=E2=80=9D to =E2= =80=9Ca lower=E2=80=9D.

Page 7, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete the colon. Rewrite the applicat= ions
in lower case. Insert =E2=80=9Cand=E2=80=9D before =E2=80=9Csmart grid=E2= =80=9D.

Page 7, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete =E2=80=9Cstandard=E2=80=9D.

Page 8, section 2.7, 1st sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cthe=E2=80=9D before =E2= =80=9Cabove=E2=80=9D. Change
=E2=80=9Cclauses=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Csubsections=E2=80=9D. IETF doesn=E2= =80=99t use the term clause like IEEE does.

Page 8, section 2.7, 2nd sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cthe=E2=80=9D before =E2= =80=9Cdominant=E2=80=9D.

Page 9, section 3, title: insert =E2=80=9Can=E2=80=9D before =E2=80=9CIPv6= =E2=80=9D.

Page 9, section 3, 1st paragraph, last sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cthe=E2=80= =9D before =E2=80=9C6LoWPAN=E2=80=9D.

Page 9, 1st bullet item, 1st sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cthe=E2=80=9D before = =E2=80=9CAddressing=E2=80=9D and
make =E2=80=9CAddressing=E2=80=9D lower case. Append a comma after =E2=80= =9Caddresses=E2=80=9D.

Page 9, 1st bullet item, last sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cfor=E2=80=9D before= =E2=80=9Cwhen=E2=80=9D. Append a
comma to =E2=80=9Cbroadcast=E2=80=9D. Delete =E2=80=9Cand=E2=80=9D. Change = =E2=80=9Ctry=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Ctrying=E2=80=9D.

Page 9, 2nd bullet item, 3rd sentence: change =E2=80=9Cmost=E2=80=9D to =E2= =80=9Cgreatest=E2=80=9D. Change
=E2=80=9Coptimum=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Coptimal=E2=80=9D.

Page 9, 2nd bullet item, 4th sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cand=E2=80=9D between= =E2=80=9C[RFC8163]=E2=80=9D and
=E2=80=9C[RFC8105]=E2=80=9D.

Page 10, 3rd bullet item, last sentence: append =E2=80=9CRFC=E2=80=9D after= =E2=80=9Clatter=E2=80=9D to make it
clear what is the latter.

Page 11, 1st partial paragraph, 1st partial sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cand= =E2=80=9D between
=E2=80=9C[RFC8163],=E2=80=9D and =E2=80=9C[RFC8105]=E2=80=9D.

Page 11, 1st partial paragraph, 1st full sentence: change =E2=80=9Cto=E2=80= =9D to =E2=80=9Calso=E2=80=9D.
Change =E2=80=9Ccompress=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Ccompressing=E2=80=9D. Delete = the =E2=80=9Calso=E2=80=9D following that. Put a
period at the end of the sentence.

Page 11, 1st bullet item, 4th sentence: insert =E2=80=9CThe=E2=80=9D before= =E2=80=9C6lo=E2=80=9D. Change =E2=80=9Cis
working=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Chas worked=E2=80=9D. Change =E2=80=9Cat=E2=80= =9D to =E2=80=9Cin the=E2=80=9D.

Page 11, 1st bullet item, 4th sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cthe=E2=80=9D before= =E2=80=9Cinitial=E2=80=9D.

Page 11, 2nd bullet item, 2nd sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cthe=E2=80=9D before= =E2=80=9CESC=E2=80=9D.

Page 11, section 4.1, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: delete =E2=80=9Cthe=E2= =80=9D. Delete
=E2=80=9Cstandard=E2=80=9D.

Page 11, section 4.1, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cmains-= =E2=80=9C before
=E2=80=9Cpowered=E2=80=9D. Both types of devices are powered. You could als= o use =E2=80=9Cgrid-=E2=80=9C, I
guess, since =E2=80=9Cmains=E2=80=9D is more of a British usage.

Page 11, section 4.1, bullet list: don=E2=80=99t capitalize the items in th= e bullet
list beyond the first word except where those are well-known terms that req= uire
the capitalization. Even AMI doesn=E2=80=99t appear to be consistently used= with
capitalization.

Page 12, 6th bullet item: append a comma after =E2=80=9CConditioning=E2=80= =9D.

Page 12, 8th bullet item: change =E2=80=9CIEEE802=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9CIEEE= P802=E2=80=9D or =E2=80=9CIEEE 802=E2=80=9D. The
=E2=80=9CP=E2=80=9D standards for project. Insert =E2=80=9Cand=E2=80=9D bef= ore =E2=80=9CETSI=E2=80=9D.

Page 12, 14th bullet item: change =E2=80=9Clong term=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Cl= ong-term=E2=80=9D.

Page 12, last paragraph: expand the use of =E2=80=9CFAN=E2=80=9D. I presume= it is =E2=80=9CField Area
Networks=E2=80=9D.

Page 13, section 4.3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change the hyphen in
=E2=80=9Chighly-reliable=E2=80=9D to a space.

Page 13, section 4.3, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: delete an extraneous spa= ce
after appending the previously noted comma after =E2=80=9Ce.g.=E2=80=9D.
Page 13, section 4.3, bullet list: Use lower case after the first word in e= ach
item.

Page 14, section 4.4, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cthe=E2= =80=9D before
=E2=80=9CHomePlug=E2=80=9D. Change =E2=80=9Clong distance=E2=80=9D to =E2= =80=9Clong-distance=E2=80=9D.

Page 15, 1st paragraph: insert =E2=80=9CThe=E2=80=9D before =E2=80=9CNetric= ity=E2=80=9D. Delete =E2=80=9CPLC standard=E2=80=9D.

Page 15, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert =E2=80=9Can=E2=80=9D before = =E2=80=9CIPv6=E2=80=9D.

Page 15, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: expand the acronym =E2=80=9CMRHOF=E2= =80=9D. Change =E2=80=9Cthe
own=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Ctheir own=E2=80=9D.

Page 15, section 5.1, 2nd paragraph: change =E2=80=9CVariety=E2=80=9D to = =E2=80=9CA variety=E2=80=9D. Append a
comma after =E2=80=9Ccurtains=E2=80=9D.

Page 16, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: change =E2=80=9Cspecially=E2=80=9D to= =E2=80=9Cespecially=E2=80=9D.

Page 16, section 5.2, 1st paragraph, last sentence: append a comma followin= g
=E2=80=9Cwellness=E2=80=9D.

Page 16, last paragraph, last sentence: change =E2=80=9Cthe=E2=80=9D to =E2= =80=9Cthis=E2=80=9D.

Page 17, section 5.3, 3rd sentence: change =E2=80=9Cspecially=E2=80=9D to = =E2=80=9Cespecially=E2=80=9D. Insert
=E2=80=9Cand=E2=80=9D before =E2=80=9Chealthcare=E2=80=9D.

Page 17, section 5.4, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma after =E2= =80=9Copen=E2=80=9D.

Page 17, section 5.4, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert a hyphen between<= br> =E2=80=9Clow=E2=80=9D and =E2=80=9Ccost=E2=80=9D. Then append a comma after= =E2=80=9Clow-cost=E2=80=9D. Delete the hyphen in
=E2=80=9Cinter-connect=E2=80=9D.

Page 17, section 5.4, 1st paragraph, last sentence: change =E2=80=9Chigh sp= eed=E2=80=9D to
=E2=80=9Chigh-speed=E2=80=9D.

Page 18, 1st paragraph, last sentence: append a comma after =E2=80=9Chome-r= un=E2=80=9D. Change
=E2=80=9CCat-5 style=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9CCat 5-style=E2=80=9D

Page 18, 3rd paragraph, last sentence: change =E2=80=9Clow cost=E2=80=9D to= =E2=80=9Clow-cost=E2=80=9D.

Page 18, section 5.5, 2nd paragraph, 4th sentence: change =E2=80=9CLCDs=E2= =80=9D to =E2=80=9Cdisplays=E2=80=9D
so that there isn=E2=80=99t an unnecessary constraint on the display techno= logy in the
example.

Page 19, section 5.6, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: make the list of items<= br> following =E2=80=9Carea of=E2=80=9D lower case. Append a comma after =E2=80= =9Cmanagement=E2=80=9D.

Page 19, section 5.6, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert =E2=80=9Ca=E2=80= =9D before =E2=80=9CWAN=E2=80=9D.
Append a comma following =E2=80=9CEthernet=E2=80=9D.

Page 19, section 5.6, 4th paragraph, 1st sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cand=E2= =80=9D between =E2=80=9Clabor=E2=80=9D
and =E2=80=9Coperational=E2=80=9D.

Page 19, section 5.6, 4th paragraph, 2nd sentence: change =E2=80=9Ccharge= =E2=80=9D to
=E2=80=9Ccharging=E2=80=9D. Append a comma after =E2=80=9Ctheft=E2=80=9D.
Page 19, section 5.6, last paragraph, 1st sentence: append an =E2=80=9Cs=E2= =80=9D to =E2=80=9Crate=E2=80=9D.
Then append a comma to =E2=80=9Crates=E2=80=9D.

Page 20, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert =E2=80=9CA=E2=80=9D before =E2= =80=9CWASA=E2=80=9D. Append an =E2=80=9Cs=E2=80=9D
to =E2=80=9Camount=E2=80=9D. Insert =E2=80=9Ca=E2=80=9D before =E2=80=9Cwid= e=E2=80=9D.

Page 20, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma after =E2=80=9Ccontrol= ling=E2=80=9D.

Page 26, Appendix A, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: Delete =E2=80=9CThe=E2=80= =9D.

Page 27, 4th bullet item, 1st sentence: change =E2=80=9Cmore=E2=80=9D to = =E2=80=9Ca higher=E2=80=9D.

Page 27, 6th bullet item, 2nd sentence: insert =E2=80=9Cbe=E2=80=9D before = =E2=80=9Cmoved.

Page 27, 8th bullet item: append a comma after =E2=80=9Cexample=E2=80=9D. D= elete =E2=80=9Cservice=E2=80=9D.

Page 27, 9th bullet item, 2nd sentence: append an =E2=80=9Cs=E2=80=9D to = =E2=80=9Ccase=E2=80=9D. Append an =E2=80=9Cs=E2=80=9D
to =E2=80=9Clength=E2=80=9D.

Page 27, 10th bullet item: change the second =E2=80=9Cthe=E2=80=9D to =E2= =80=9Ca=E2=80=9D.

Page 28, 1st bullet item, 2nd sentence: append a comma after =E2=80=9Ccases= =E2=80=9D. Change
=E2=80=9Care=E2=80=9D to =E2=80=9Cis=E2=80=9D.

Page 28, 2nd bullet item, 2nd sentence: append an =E2=80=9Cs=E2=80=9D after= =E2=80=9Crequirement=E2=80=9D.
Insert =E2=80=9Cthe=E2=80=9D before =E2=80=9C6lo=E2=80=9D.



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