Re: [6tisch] [E] [IoT-DIR] Iotdir early review of draft-ietf-6tisch-enrollment-enhanced-beacon-05

"Chakrabarti, Samita" <samita.chakrabarti@verizon.com> Mon, 28 October 2019 16:31 UTC

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From: "Chakrabarti, Samita" <samita.chakrabarti@verizon.com>
Date: Mon, 28 Oct 2019 12:31:18 -0400
Message-ID: <CAHYRG6PZLSo0jzw8OuwtwBOg-qmeZxjhqH6vWbf5B7a2E_WATA@mail.gmail.com>
To: Carles Gomez <carlesgo@entel.upc.edu>
Cc: Iot-dir@ietf.org, 6tisch@ietf.org, draft-ietf-6tisch-enrollment-enhanced-beacon.all@ietf.org
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Subject: Re: [6tisch] [E] [IoT-DIR] Iotdir early review of draft-ietf-6tisch-enrollment-enhanced-beacon-05
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Thank you Carles very much for the review of
draft-ietf-6tisch-enrollment-enhanced-beacon
draft in such a short notice!
Appreciated.

Best regards,
-Samita

On Thu, Oct 24, 2019 at 12:01 PM Carles Gomez via Datatracker <
noreply@ietf.org> wrote:

> Reviewer: Carles Gomez
> Review result: Ready with Issues
>
> Thanks to the authors for writing this document.
>
> I did not identify technical problems. (There are comments below that do
> have a
> technical side, but the issues might just be editorial.)
>
> There is a number of suggestions provided below, mostly editorial and about
> presentation.
>
> Title
> - "IEEE802.15.4" --> "IEEE 802.15.4"
> - "Informational Element" --> "Information Element"
> - "6tisch" --> "6TiSCH"
>
> Abstract: I'd suggest adding a comma after "In TSCH mode of IEEE STD
> 802.15.4".
>
> Section 1.
> - "As further details" --> "As further detailed"
> - Introduce the acronym "EB" the first time that "Enhanced Beacon" appears.
> (Then use "EB" thereafter in the document.)
>
> Subsection 1.2.
> - After "synchronization of ASN and Join Metric," perhaps you may insert
> "carrying" and reorganize a bit the rest of the sentence. - "existance" -->
> "existence" - "There are a limited number...". --> "There is a limited
> number..." - "... by each router". Perhaps, to give more context, "by each
> router in the network".
>
> Subsection 1.3.
> - Title: please add ":" after "synchronization".
> - Title: capitalize "solicitations" and "advertisements"
> - On the first use of RS, RA, NS and NA, please use the expanded form and
> introduce the acronym, and use the acronym thereafter. - "consuming a
> broadcast
> aloha slot with unencrypted traffic" appears to be one of the reasons
> mentioned, but it is a bit hidden between parenthesis. You may want to
> reorganize the sentence to emphasize that this is actually the crucial
> point. -
> Second bullet in the list: did you mean "RA" instead of "Router
> Soliciation" -
> Third bullet in the list: "If it must listen for a RS as well..." Did you
> mean
> "listen for an RA" ?
>
> - It might be nice to close Section 1 by adding something along the lines
> of
> "This document defines...". However, this would not be specific to
> subsection
> 1.3. Therefore, some reorganization of Section 1 might improve the
> document.
>
> Section 2.
> - Even if there is a single figure in the whole document, it might be good
> to
> add a figure number and a caption the format for the new IE subtype. -
> After
> the figure, is there a particular reason why the fields of the format are
> presented in a different order from the one in the format? - Please add a
> ":"
> after the name of each field and its definition/description. - "this field
> indicates the willingness to act as join proxy". Perhaps "the willingness
> of
> the sender to act..."? - "Lower value indicates willing to act as a Join
> Proxy..." Perhaps "Lower value indicates greater willingness to act as..."
> -
> "Values range 0 (most willing)..." --> "Values range 0x00 (most
> willing)..." -
> In the figure, one field is called "Join Proxy lower-64". In the text, it
> has a
> different name... - "if the Proxy Address P-flag is set, then the lower
> 64-bits
> of the Join Proxy’s Link Layer address..." Did you mean "link-local"
> instead of
> "Link Layer? - "the layer-2 address of any IPv6 traffic to the
> originator". Did
> you mean "the destination layer-2 address..." ? - "if the P bit is set,
> then 64
> bits (8 bytes) of address are present." I had trouble understanding this
> sentence. Please consider rewriting it. - "this is an variable length
> field"
> --> "this is a variable length field".
>
> Section 5.
> - "Registry IETF IE Sub-type ID." Please cite RFC 8137 here as well.
>
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