Return-Path: X-Original-To: 6tisch@ietfa.amsl.com Delivered-To: 6tisch@ietfa.amsl.com Received: from localhost (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by ietfa.amsl.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id 5176A12089B for <6tisch@ietfa.amsl.com>; Mon, 28 Oct 2019 09:31:35 -0700 (PDT) X-Virus-Scanned: amavisd-new at amsl.com X-Spam-Flag: NO X-Spam-Score: -2.699 X-Spam-Level: X-Spam-Status: No, score=-2.699 tagged_above=-999 required=5 tests=[BAYES_00=-1.9, DKIM_SIGNED=0.1, DKIM_VALID=-0.1, DKIM_VALID_AU=-0.1, HTML_MESSAGE=0.001, RCVD_IN_DNSWL_LOW=-0.7, SPF_HELO_NONE=0.001, SPF_PASS=-0.001] autolearn=unavailable autolearn_force=no Authentication-Results: ietfa.amsl.com (amavisd-new); dkim=pass (1024-bit key) header.d=verizon.com header.b=T00ESXN+; dkim=pass (2048-bit key) header.d=verizon-com.20150623.gappssmtp.com header.b=gTq2kBW2 Received: from mail.ietf.org ([4.31.198.44]) by localhost (ietfa.amsl.com [127.0.0.1]) (amavisd-new, port 10024) with ESMTP id oUXuj_3ogQn2 for <6tisch@ietfa.amsl.com>; Mon, 28 Oct 2019 09:31:32 -0700 (PDT) Received: from mx0a-0024a201.pphosted.com (mx0a-0024a201.pphosted.com [148.163.149.93]) (using TLSv1.2 with cipher ECDHE-RSA-AES256-GCM-SHA384 (256/256 bits)) (No client certificate requested) by ietfa.amsl.com (Postfix) with ESMTPS id 2F1B5120880 for <6tisch@ietf.org>; Mon, 28 Oct 2019 09:31:32 -0700 (PDT) Received: from pps.filterd (m0098392.ppops.net [127.0.0.1]) by mx0a-0024a201.pphosted.com (8.16.0.42/8.16.0.42) with SMTP id x9SGDfAi021972 for <6tisch@ietf.org>; Mon, 28 Oct 2019 12:31:31 -0400 DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=verizon.com; h=mime-version : references : in-reply-to : from : date : message-id : subject : to : cc : content-type; s=corp; bh=vL25qnvXbaZzstnBj7brw0dJUA7951ZY+Uov3zFrIN8=; b=T00ESXN+xoP0VdgtMJd77fhbTL2ZN0enP0cbnasjq3D89siUfs9H6a2uEfTB9G8cfAbR V2aPkEAn1PjkLt0r3EokcIya+wQ6xeY9wsH6E+zNvA1JaGNXV4rwQMJoE8IL+Ukieo0C As3dA32YsY7Vl0+b9218rKPvMShrNxX4QFM= Received: from mail-oi1-f199.google.com (mail-oi1-f199.google.com [209.85.167.199]) by mx0a-0024a201.pphosted.com with ESMTP id 2vx0t4kcnh-1 (version=TLSv1.2 cipher=ECDHE-RSA-AES128-GCM-SHA256 bits=128 verify=NOT) for <6tisch@ietf.org>; Mon, 28 Oct 2019 12:31:31 -0400 Received: by mail-oi1-f199.google.com with SMTP id x125so4997383oig.7 for <6tisch@ietf.org>; Mon, 28 Oct 2019 09:31:31 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=verizon-com.20150623.gappssmtp.com; s=20150623; h=mime-version:references:in-reply-to:from:date:message-id:subject:to :cc; bh=vL25qnvXbaZzstnBj7brw0dJUA7951ZY+Uov3zFrIN8=; b=gTq2kBW20RxPsHPsp1f61ZL+enobFcbNPZfKJFVAFZ9fknCCIoMyD5SqakXUASdulB Hr3zLZGRznCHiZYWvKPmWM7mfmvMspNONnadA8i7MqI1ojyAiGeqhr3Vall4AJo6BWzt nsPHjdUkWKT4K8uMLCOpXe85hqZbfeHV0vAvR5F/3WnPu2dH8mgOW491xaYtwldbWPIJ Kwk4B4qG1rcSUo4XM0YQhvLqPcc7D4Qg7YcqrTY+VUbzmiyKfG/kblFzZ+h5vJfEFmBM jEL6t9t5LQubnt4Ca7KXdWcUP0JR1p5qAJcajlB6Nl86wzjLTaBCDCmTPciCspaDT+pX EAtg== X-Google-DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=1e100.net; s=20161025; h=x-gm-message-state:mime-version:references:in-reply-to:from:date :message-id:subject:to:cc; bh=vL25qnvXbaZzstnBj7brw0dJUA7951ZY+Uov3zFrIN8=; b=GwNon6QexsRKafsc1gnV3vNyDxz0lDr1cWxedtPqQaDhpSP+vtI0nAkjkVXVQTLYUY g3j4485qBOKuXFYPZ5uChHL+zBy9ngRRya8Fmy+3LHR3C99sp7kjDsGP6hPc4JFNWtfS UqKKnw09+I5Y4AmP/Nm7AT85hcqcf7wxO+FDfmjxdabcO/RjCGdJcvk7d4Ch30W04A2K URh8b57tR/3av3Ss/5X3XTcZxSPVNSUv5d6QlwQ5oCqqfZAoQlkg4wxNPIoFni8ACDLF +GrTc7pJLo7d46BuJ+Nf4Lr3zDea7Ic10yjZrpwW4u5OlWZoDcwu0yR8kIYeTcUL+/Ww AWIw== X-Gm-Message-State: APjAAAXHj5WCk0Hj0L7v6aiQiSQEW65LOE4bt3wDxnLq/bZBSVUT4Axh hRvdXTuPS+nVoUgSSCb2gn4AjjAzIP6hPJaGaD0eOo3ng5qlsUHUE1Ub7ybjEHqub1zl+DHfC79 diTyj2B48Ht8olUzSiFFavxE= X-Received: by 2002:a9d:6949:: with SMTP id p9mr279067oto.328.1572280290296; Mon, 28 Oct 2019 09:31:30 -0700 (PDT) X-Google-Smtp-Source: APXvYqzFQ3k2mAx2HrRuzn6XM6MLxrU8D6E5rkVQ2ofmNiPT19/38OUlBqBCcrZYO6y3U7EEtC0gnuytzboRGYq5+Sk= X-Received: by 2002:a9d:6949:: with SMTP id p9mr279041oto.328.1572280289895; Mon, 28 Oct 2019 09:31:29 -0700 (PDT) MIME-Version: 1.0 References: <157193288761.11358.2170640249540995207@ietfa.amsl.com> In-Reply-To: <157193288761.11358.2170640249540995207@ietfa.amsl.com> From: "Chakrabarti, Samita" Date: Mon, 28 Oct 2019 12:31:18 -0400 Message-ID: To: Carles Gomez Cc: Iot-dir@ietf.org, 6tisch@ietf.org, draft-ietf-6tisch-enrollment-enhanced-beacon.all@ietf.org Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="0000000000002abdb80595fb085e" X-mailroute: internal X-Proofpoint-Spam-Details: rule=out_spam_notspam policy=out_spam score=0 impostorscore=0 lowpriorityscore=0 phishscore=0 spamscore=0 mlxscore=0 malwarescore=0 adultscore=0 suspectscore=0 clxscore=1011 priorityscore=1501 mlxlogscore=999 bulkscore=0 classifier=spam adjust=0 reason=mlx scancount=1 engine=8.12.0-1908290000 definitions=main-1910280161 Archived-At: Subject: Re: [6tisch] [E] [IoT-DIR] Iotdir early review of draft-ietf-6tisch-enrollment-enhanced-beacon-05 X-BeenThere: 6tisch@ietf.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.29 Precedence: list List-Id: "Discuss link layer model for Deterministic IPv6 over the TSCH mode of IEEE 802.15.4e, and impacts on RPL and 6LoWPAN such as resource allocation" <6tisch.ietf.org> List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , X-List-Received-Date: Mon, 28 Oct 2019 16:31:35 -0000 --0000000000002abdb80595fb085e Content-Type: text/plain; charset="UTF-8" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Thank you Carles very much for the review of draft-ietf-6tisch-enrollment-enhanced-beacon draft in such a short notice! Appreciated. Best regards, -Samita On Thu, Oct 24, 2019 at 12:01 PM Carles Gomez via Datatracker < noreply@ietf.org> wrote: > Reviewer: Carles Gomez > Review result: Ready with Issues > > Thanks to the authors for writing this document. > > I did not identify technical problems. (There are comments below that do > have a > technical side, but the issues might just be editorial.) > > There is a number of suggestions provided below, mostly editorial and abo= ut > presentation. > > Title > - "IEEE802.15.4" --> "IEEE 802.15.4" > - "Informational Element" --> "Information Element" > - "6tisch" --> "6TiSCH" > > Abstract: I'd suggest adding a comma after "In TSCH mode of IEEE STD > 802.15.4". > > Section 1. > - "As further details" --> "As further detailed" > - Introduce the acronym "EB" the first time that "Enhanced Beacon" appear= s. > (Then use "EB" thereafter in the document.) > > Subsection 1.2. > - After "synchronization of ASN and Join Metric," perhaps you may insert > "carrying" and reorganize a bit the rest of the sentence. - "existance" -= -> > "existence" - "There are a limited number...". --> "There is a limited > number..." - "... by each router". Perhaps, to give more context, "by eac= h > router in the network". > > Subsection 1.3. > - Title: please add ":" after "synchronization". > - Title: capitalize "solicitations" and "advertisements" > - On the first use of RS, RA, NS and NA, please use the expanded form and > introduce the acronym, and use the acronym thereafter. - "consuming a > broadcast > aloha slot with unencrypted traffic" appears to be one of the reasons > mentioned, but it is a bit hidden between parenthesis. You may want to > reorganize the sentence to emphasize that this is actually the crucial > point. - > Second bullet in the list: did you mean "RA" instead of "Router > Soliciation" - > Third bullet in the list: "If it must listen for a RS as well..." Did you > mean > "listen for an RA" ? > > - It might be nice to close Section 1 by adding something along the lines > of > "This document defines...". However, this would not be specific to > subsection > 1.3. Therefore, some reorganization of Section 1 might improve the > document. > > Section 2. > - Even if there is a single figure in the whole document, it might be goo= d > to > add a figure number and a caption the format for the new IE subtype. - > After > the figure, is there a particular reason why the fields of the format are > presented in a different order from the one in the format? - Please add a > ":" > after the name of each field and its definition/description. - "this fiel= d > indicates the willingness to act as join proxy". Perhaps "the willingness > of > the sender to act..."? - "Lower value indicates willing to act as a Join > Proxy..." Perhaps "Lower value indicates greater willingness to act as...= " > - > "Values range 0 (most willing)..." --> "Values range 0x00 (most > willing)..." - > In the figure, one field is called "Join Proxy lower-64". In the text, it > has a > different name... - "if the Proxy Address P-flag is set, then the lower > 64-bits > of the Join Proxy=E2=80=99s Link Layer address..." Did you mean "link-loc= al" > instead of > "Link Layer? - "the layer-2 address of any IPv6 traffic to the > originator". Did > you mean "the destination layer-2 address..." ? - "if the P bit is set, > then 64 > bits (8 bytes) of address are present." I had trouble understanding this > sentence. Please consider rewriting it. - "this is an variable length > field" > --> "this is a variable length field". > > Section 5. > - "Registry IETF IE Sub-type ID." Please cite RFC 8137 here as well. > > _______________________________________________ > IoT-DIR mailing list > IoT-DIR@ietf.org > > https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=3Dhttps-3A__www.ietf.org_mailm= an_listinfo_iot-2Ddir&d=3DDwIGaQ&c=3DudBTRvFvXC5Dhqg7UHpJlPps3mZ3LRxpb6__0P= omBTQ&r=3DpWMzx7FsqijEJPyfMBfn-HJss-wVVTf0K5y-cxCTXL8&m=3DDxVylV19UVeLLv0a9= RlUDLqLmQOvcItv8R3rGOq_cW8&s=3D86T5KHrf_W8JMowiPPDEKNhVn0Q7ikW774AUV0szKg4&= e=3D > --0000000000002abdb80595fb085e Content-Type: text/html; charset="UTF-8" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
Thank you Carles very much for the review of=C2=A0 draft-ietf-6tisch-enrollment-enhanced-beacon draft in such a = short notice!
Appreciated.

Best regards,
= -Samita

On Thu, Oct 24, 2019 at 12:01 PM Carles G= omez via Datatracker <noreply@ietf.o= rg> wrote:
IoT-DIR@ietf.org<= br> https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=3Dhttps-3A__www.ietf.org_mailma= n_listinfo_iot-2Ddir&d=3DDwIGaQ&c=3DudBTRvFvXC5Dhqg7UHpJlPps3mZ3LRx= pb6__0PomBTQ&r=3DpWMzx7FsqijEJPyfMBfn-HJss-wVVTf0K5y-cxCTXL8&m=3DDx= VylV19UVeLLv0a9RlUDLqLmQOvcItv8R3rGOq_cW8&s=3D86T5KHrf_W8JMowiPPDEKNhVn= 0Q7ikW774AUV0szKg4&e=3D
--0000000000002abdb80595fb085e--