[6tisch] Iotdir early review of draft-ietf-6tisch-enrollment-enhanced-beacon-05

Carles Gomez via Datatracker <noreply@ietf.org> Thu, 24 October 2019 16:01 UTC

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Subject: [6tisch] Iotdir early review of draft-ietf-6tisch-enrollment-enhanced-beacon-05
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Reviewer: Carles Gomez
Review result: Ready with Issues

Thanks to the authors for writing this document.

I did not identify technical problems. (There are comments below that do have a
technical side, but the issues might just be editorial.)

There is a number of suggestions provided below, mostly editorial and about
presentation.

Title
- "IEEE802.15.4" --> "IEEE 802.15.4"
- "Informational Element" --> "Information Element"
- "6tisch" --> "6TiSCH"

Abstract: I'd suggest adding a comma after "In TSCH mode of IEEE STD 802.15.4".

Section 1.
- "As further details" --> "As further detailed"
- Introduce the acronym "EB" the first time that "Enhanced Beacon" appears.
(Then use "EB" thereafter in the document.)

Subsection 1.2.
- After "synchronization of ASN and Join Metric," perhaps you may insert
"carrying" and reorganize a bit the rest of the sentence. - "existance" -->
"existence" - "There are a limited number...". --> "There is a limited
number..." - "... by each router". Perhaps, to give more context, "by each
router in the network".

Subsection 1.3.
- Title: please add ":" after "synchronization".
- Title: capitalize "solicitations" and "advertisements"
- On the first use of RS, RA, NS and NA, please use the expanded form and
introduce the acronym, and use the acronym thereafter. - "consuming a broadcast
aloha slot with unencrypted traffic" appears to be one of the reasons
mentioned, but it is a bit hidden between parenthesis. You may want to
reorganize the sentence to emphasize that this is actually the crucial point. -
Second bullet in the list: did you mean "RA" instead of "Router Soliciation" -
Third bullet in the list: "If it must listen for a RS as well..." Did you mean
"listen for an RA" ?

- It might be nice to close Section 1 by adding something along the lines of
"This document defines...". However, this would not be specific to subsection
1.3. Therefore, some reorganization of Section 1 might improve the document.

Section 2.
- Even if there is a single figure in the whole document, it might be good to
add a figure number and a caption the format for the new IE subtype. - After
the figure, is there a particular reason why the fields of the format are
presented in a different order from the one in the format? - Please add a ":"
after the name of each field and its definition/description. - "this field
indicates the willingness to act as join proxy". Perhaps "the willingness of
the sender to act..."? - "Lower value indicates willing to act as a Join
Proxy..." Perhaps "Lower value indicates greater willingness to act as..." -
"Values range 0 (most willing)..." --> "Values range 0x00 (most willing)..." -
In the figure, one field is called "Join Proxy lower-64". In the text, it has a
different name... - "if the Proxy Address P-flag is set, then the lower 64-bits
of the Join Proxy’s Link Layer address..." Did you mean "link-local" instead of
"Link Layer? - "the layer-2 address of any IPv6 traffic to the originator". Did
you mean "the destination layer-2 address..." ? - "if the P bit is set, then 64
bits (8 bytes) of address are present." I had trouble understanding this
sentence. Please consider rewriting it. - "this is an variable length field"
--> "this is a variable length field".

Section 5.
- "Registry IETF IE Sub-type ID." Please cite RFC 8137 here as well.