Re: [apps-discuss] APPSDIR review of draft-ietf-pcp-upnp-igd-interworking-07

<mohamed.boucadair@orange.com> Tue, 09 April 2013 12:39 UTC

From: mohamed.boucadair@orange.com
To: "Vijay K. Gurbani" <vkg@bell-labs.com>, "draft-ietf-pcp-upnp-igd-interworking.all@tools.ietf.org" <draft-ietf-pcp-upnp-igd-interworking.all@tools.ietf.org>
Date: Tue, 09 Apr 2013 14:39:40 +0200
Thread-Topic: APPSDIR review of draft-ietf-pcp-upnp-igd-interworking-07
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Subject: Re: [apps-discuss] APPSDIR review of draft-ietf-pcp-upnp-igd-interworking-07
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Dear Vijay,

Thanks for the review.

Please see inline.
Cheers,
Med

>-----Message d'origine-----
>De : Vijay K. Gurbani [mailto:vkg@bell-labs.com]
>Envoyé : lundi 8 avril 2013 19:18
>À : draft-ietf-pcp-upnp-igd-interworking.all@tools.ietf.org
>Cc : apps-discuss@ietf.org
>Objet : APPSDIR review of draft-ietf-pcp-upnp-igd-interworking-07
>
>I have been selected as the Applications Area Directorate reviewer for
>this draft (for background on appsdir, please see 
>http://trac.tools.ietf.org/area/app/trac/wiki/ApplicationsAreaDirectorate
>).
>
>Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
>you may receive. Please wait for direction from your document shepherd
>or AD before posting a new version of the draft.
>
>Document: draft-ietf-pcp-upnp-igd-interworking-07
>Title: Universal Plug and Play (UPnP) Internet Gateway Device (IGD)-Port
>        Control Protocol (PCP) Interworking Function
>Reviewer: Vijay K. Gurbani
>Review Date: Apr-08-2013
>IETF Last Call Date: Not known
>IESG Telechat Date: Not known
>
>Summary: This draft is ready for publication as a Proposed Standard.
>A few issues that should be looked at before publication are listed
>below.
>
>Major Issues: 0
>Minor Issues: 1
>Nits: 2
>
>Minor:
>------
>- S1, Figure 1: Where is the IGD in this figure?  Is it co-located
>  with the UPnP-PCP IWF?  You may want to be more explicit about
>  the location of the IGD since the remaining text depends on this
>  context.  Note that it may be clear to you where the IGD is, but it
>  may not be so apparent to readers not up to speed with this area.

[Med] Figure 1 looks now: 

                          UPnP IGD-PCP
   UPnP Control           Interworking
      Point                 Function                  PCP Server
        |                     IGD                          |
        |                      |                           |
        | (1) AddPortMapping   |                           |
        |--------------------->|                           |
        |                      |   (2) PCP MAP Request     |
        |                      |-------------------------->|
        |                      |                           |


>Nits:
>-----
>- S1, first and second paragraphs: You may want to expand IGD when it is
>  first encountered in the first paragraph.  You do the expansion in the
>  second occurrence (paragraph two, bullet one).  Just move it up.

[Med] Fixed.  

>
>  Additionally, you may want to expand IWF when it first appears below
>  Figure 1.

[Med] Fixed.

>
>- S5.6.1, in the "Discussion" indentation: Is it "Vuzz" or do you mean
>  "Vuze"?

[Med] It is Vuze. Fixed. Thanks for catching this.

>
>Thanks,
>
>- vijay
>--
>Vijay K. Gurbani, Bell Laboratories, Alcatel-Lucent
>1960 Lucent Lane, Rm. 9C-533, Naperville, Illinois 60563 (USA)
>Email: vkg@{bell-labs.com,acm.org} / vijay.gurbani@alcatel-lucent.com
>Web:   http://ect.bell-labs.com/who/vkg/

[apps-discuss] APPSDIR review of draft-ietf-pcp-u… Vijay K. Gurbani
Re: [apps-discuss] APPSDIR review of draft-ietf-p… mohamed.boucadair