Re: [babel] draft-ietf-babel-information-model Shepherd Review

Donald Eastlake <d3e3e3@gmail.com> Wed, 09 October 2019 21:25 UTC

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From: Donald Eastlake <d3e3e3@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, 9 Oct 2019 17:25:30 -0400
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To: "STARK, BARBARA H" <bs7652@att.com>
Cc: Babel at IETF <babel@ietf.org>, babel-chairs <babel-chairs@ietf.org>, "draft-ietf-babel-information-model@ietf.org" <draft-ietf-babel-information-model@ietf.org>
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Subject: Re: [babel] draft-ietf-babel-information-model Shepherd Review
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Hi Barbara.

I'm fine with all your changes. I'll submit the draft for publication shortly.

Thanks,
Donald
===============================
 Donald E. Eastlake 3rd   +1-508-333-2270 (cell)
 2386 Panoramic Circle, Apopka, FL 32703 USA
 d3e3e3@gmail.com

On Wed, Oct 9, 2019 at 11:55 AM STARK, BARBARA H <bs7652@att.com>; wrote:
>
> Thanks for the review! Detailed acknowledgement in-line with <bhs>.
>
> I’ll be posting an updated draft imminently. It will also include the IANA Considerations section from your other comment.
>
> Barbara
>
>
>
> From: Donald Eastlake <d3e3e3@gmail.com>;
> Sent: Sunday, October 06, 2019 4:39 PM
> To: Babel at IETF <babel@ietf.org>;
> Cc: babel-chairs <babel-chairs@ietf.org>;; draft-ietf-babel-information-model@ietf.org
> Subject: draft-ietf-babel-information-model Shepherd Review
>
>
>
> Hi,
>
>
>
> I think this draft is in pretty good shape. I have a suggested alternative abstract and a few minor editorial comments as below.
>
>
>
> Abstract: I'd like to suggest the alternative wording below.
>
>
>
> This Babel Information Model provides structured data elements for a Babel implementation reporting its current state and may allow limited configuration of some such data elements. This information model can be used as a basis for creating data models under various other data modeling regimes.
>
>
>
> <bhs> Done, but with minor change: “various data modeling regimes” instead of “various other data modeling regimes” (because no “first” data modeling regimes is described to be “other” than).
>
>
>
> Editorials: see below.
>
> Section 1, 1st paragraph, remove last set of parentheses.
>
> <bhs> Done
>
> Section 1, 2nd paragraph, remove first set of parentheses.
>
> <bhs> Done
>
> Section 1, 2nd paragraph, last sentence, "may" -> "MAY".
>
> <bhs> Done
>
> Section 1.2, in list, insert "(true or false)" after "Boolean".
>
> <bhs> Done
>
> Section 2, in list of items not required to be read-only, for MAC-keys, "use" -> "used" twice.
>
> <bhs> Changed “use”->”key used” (I found the “used” by itself to be ambiguous as to whether the subject of the verb was the parameter or the key)
>
> Section 3.8, in babel-key-use-verify, "comparing an incoming packet" -> "comparing with the MAC in an incoming packet".
>
> <bhs> Done
>
>
> Thanks,
> Donald
> ===============================
>  Donald E. Eastlake 3rd   +1-508-333-2270 (cell)
>  2386 Panoramic Circle, Apopka, FL 32703 USA
>  d3e3e3@gmail.com