[babel] draft-ietf-babel-information-model Shepherd Review

Donald Eastlake <d3e3e3@gmail.com> Sun, 06 October 2019 20:39 UTC

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From: Donald Eastlake <d3e3e3@gmail.com>
Date: Sun, 6 Oct 2019 16:38:51 -0400
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To: Babel at IETF <babel@ietf.org>
Cc: babel-chairs <babel-chairs@ietf.org>, draft-ietf-babel-information-model@ietf.org
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Subject: [babel] draft-ietf-babel-information-model Shepherd Review
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Hi,

I think this draft is in pretty good shape. I have a suggested alternative
abstract and a few minor editorial comments as below.

Abstract: I'd like to suggest the alternative wording below.

This Babel Information Model provides structured data elements for a Babel
implementation reporting its current state and may allow limited
configuration of some such data elements. This information model can be
used as a basis for creating data models under various other data modeling
regimes.


Editorials: see below.
Section 1, 1st paragraph, remove last set of parentheses.
Section 1, 2nd paragraph, remove first set of parentheses.
Section 1, 2nd paragraph, last sentence, "may" -> "MAY".
Section 1.2, in list, insert "(true or false)" after "Boolean".
Section 2, in list of items not required to be read-only, for MAC-keys,
"use" -> "used" twice.
Section 3.8, in babel-key-use-verify, "comparing an incoming packet" ->
"comparing with the MAC in an incoming packet".

Thanks,
Donald
===============================
 Donald E. Eastlake 3rd   +1-508-333-2270 (cell)
 2386 Panoramic Circle, Apopka, FL 32703 USA
 d3e3e3@gmail.com