Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-vpn-mcast-mib-07
Glenn Mansfield Keeni <glenn@cysols.com> Sun, 28 May 2017 22:35 UTC
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To: Hiroshi Tsunoda <tsuno@m.ieice.org>
Cc: Mach Chen <mach.chen@huawei.com>, "mib-doctors@ietf.org" <mib-doctors@ietf.org>, "Jeffrey (Zhaohui) Zhang" <zzhang@juniper.net>, "EXT - thomas.morin@orange.com" <thomas.morin@orange.com>, Martin Vigoureux <martin.vigoureux@nokia.com>, "bess@ietf.org" <bess@ietf.org>
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From: Glenn Mansfield Keeni <glenn@cysols.com>
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Date: Mon, 29 May 2017 07:34:46 +0900
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Subject: Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-vpn-mcast-mib-07
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Dear Tsuno, Thanks for the good work. I will review and get back to you. Glenn On 2017/05/26 21:25, Hiroshi Tsunoda wrote: > Dear Glenn, > > Thank you for your thorough review and waiting for the updated. > > I posted a new revision taking into account your latest comments. > In the new revision, all of your comments are addressed. > I also revised the draft to improve the readability. > > Please see some notes below. > > URL: > https://www.ietf.org/internet-drafts/draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-vpn-mcast-mib-08.txt > Htmlized(1): > https://tools.ietf.org/html/draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-vpn-mcast-mib-08 > Htmlized(2): > https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/html/draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-vpn-mcast-mib-08 > Diff: > https://www.ietf.org/rfcdiff?url2=draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-vpn-mcast-mib-08 > > 2017-05-02 14:44 GMT+02:00 Hiroshi Tsunoda <tsuno@m.ieice.org>: >> 2017-05-01 12:32 GMT+02:00 Glenn Mansfield Keeni <glenn@cysols.com>: >>> Dear Tsuno/Zhang >>> Thanks for waiting. The review of >>> draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-vpn-mcast-mib-07 follows. >>> >>> Glenn >>> >>> C1. Abstract: >>> The draft now defines 2 MIB modules. Please revise the abstract >>> and probably the title of the document too. > > Fixed. > >>> C2. The MIBs (L2L3-VPN-MCAST-TC-MIB, L2L3-VPN-MCAST-MIB) compile OK. >>> (Three {type-unref} warnings are there, may be ignored.) > > I have confirmed that the latest version of MIB modules can also be > compiled successfully. > >>> C3. Page 4: >>> s/3. Summary of MIB Module/ >>> 3. Summary of MIB Modules/ > > Fixed. > >>> C4. Page 6: L2L3VpnMcastProviderTunnelPointer DESCRIPTION >>> s/"Denotes a pointer to the row pertaining to a table entry/ >>> /"This textual convention represents a pointer to a row in >>> the table represented by the following object of type >>> L2L3VpnMcastProviderTunnelPointerType./ > > Fixed. > >>> C5. Page 7: L2L3VpnMcastProviderTunnelPointer DESCRIPTION >>> The explanation in the last paragraph seems out of place. >>> It may be removed. > > Fixed. > >>> C6 Page 7: L2L3VpnMcastProviderTunnelPointerType DESCRIPTION >>> it is unclear when the value 'null(0)' will be used. >>> Is this allowed only when the corresponding object of type >>> L2L3VpnMcastProviderTunnelPointer has a value that is a >>> zero-length string ? If yes, please make that clear. > > 'null(0)' is the default value and indicates that the corresponding > L2L3VpnMcastProviderTunnelPointer object is not assigned. > In the new revision, this point is described clearly. > >>> C7. Page 9: l2L3VpnMcastPmsiTunnelAttributeTable DESCRIPTION >>> s/created by a PE router/maintained by a PE router/ > > Fixed. > >>> C8. Page 12: l2L3VpnMcastPmsiTunnelAttributeId >>> Do you really want to keep this object in L2L3-VPN-MCAST-MIB. >>> It will change every time a new "tunnel type" is added to >>> L2L3VpnMcastProviderTunnelType. That will defeat the purpose >>> of separating L2L3-VPN-MCAST-TC-MIB from L2L3-VPN-MCAST-MIB >>> It may be a good idea to define a textual convention like >>> L2L3VpnMcastPmsiTunnelAttributeId >>> in the L2L3-VPN-MCAST-TC-MIB and use that textual convention >>> in the L2L3-VPN-MCAST-MIB > > Thank you for your suggestion. I revised the definition according to > your suggestion. > >>> C9. Page 13: l2L3VpnMcastPmsiTunnelAttributeId DESCRIPTION >>> A. s/Thus, the size of this object is 16 octets in IPv4/ >>> Thus, the size of this object is 8 octets in IPv4/ > > Fixed. > >>> B. The last 2 paragraphs do not tie up well with the previous >>> paragraphs in the DESCRIPTION. > > Those 2 paragraphs are removed in the new revision. > >>> C. In the last paragraph >>> "this object is a pair of source and group IP addresses" >>> is unlcear. Please clarify. > > Fixed. In the new revision, this point is described as follows. > > "the corresponding Tunnel Identifier is composed of > the source IP address and the group IP address." > >>> C10. Page 15: Security Considerations >>> I would think that any field that reveals information about >>> a Multicast VPN and/or its members is sensitive. >>> Does the l2L3VpnMcastPmsiTunnelAttributeId field reveal >>> information about the participating members? If yes, it must >>> be marked as sensitive. > > I revised this point according to your suggestion. > >>> C11. Editorial: >>> >>> A. This does not pertain to the MIBs as such, >>> but I am uncomfortable with the several variations >>> of the phrase >>> "Layer 2 and Layer 3 Virtual Private Networks (VPN) >>> that support multicast" >>> that appears in the text. I do not have a solution >>> on hand but it would be perhaps be more readable to >>> define and use a simple name/notation the beast for >>> which the MIB is being designed (e.g. "L2L3VPNMCast"). >>> >>> B. Same with the phrase >>> "Layer 2 (L2) and Layer 3 (L3) VPN (Virtual Private >>> Network) >>> it would be probably be easier on the reader if an >>> abbreviation like L2L3VPNs was used where ever >>> applicable. > > Thank you for your comments. > In the new reivsion the abbreviation "L2L3VPNMCast" > is defined and used throughout the draft. > >>> C12. P2:Para4: s/within MIB module specifications//; > > Fixed. > >>> C13. General: >>> A. The DESCRIPTION clauses could do would some more >>> packing. (Too much space at the end of lines) >>> B. Please check the articles a/an/the once again. Some >>> usages do not seem right to me. > > Fixed. > > Sincerely yours, > > -- tsuno >
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Hiroshi Tsunoda
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni
- [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-vpn-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni
- [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-mvpn-mib-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-mvpn-… Mach Chen
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Mach Chen
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Jeffrey (Zhaohui) Zhang
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Mach Chen
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Mach Chen
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Jeffrey (Zhaohui) Zhang
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-mvpn-… Mach Chen
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-mvpn-… Jeffrey (Zhaohui) Zhang
- [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-vpn-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Benoit Claise
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Jeffrey (Zhaohui) Zhang
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Hiroshi Tsunoda
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Hiroshi Tsunoda
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Hiroshi Tsunoda
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Hiroshi Tsunoda
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-mvpn-… Hiroshi Tsunoda
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Hiroshi Tsunoda
- [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-vpn-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Hiroshi Tsunoda
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Hiroshi Tsunoda
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-mvpn-… thomas.morin
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-mvpn-… Hiroshi Tsunoda
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-mvpn-… thomas.morin
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-mvpn-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Hiroshi Tsunoda
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-mvpn-… Hiroshi Tsunoda
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-mvpn-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Hiroshi Tsunoda
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-mvpn-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-mvpn-… Hiroshi Tsunoda
- Re: [bess] MIBDoc review of draft-ietf-bess-l2l3-… Glenn Mansfield Keeni