Re: [Dots] Shepherd review of draft-ietf-dots-telemetry-use-cases

[H Y <[e-mail]>]

Hi Valery,

Thank you for your careful review.

We fixed the nits and posted it as draft-ietf-dots-telemetry-use-cases-10.

>4. Section 3.1.1.
>   After that, the orchestrator
>   orders the forwarding nodes to redirect as much of the top talker's traffic...
> Shouldn't it be top-talkers' ?
>7. Section 3.1.5.
> s/The forwarding nodes  send traffic statistics ... to the orchestrator the using "vendor-id" and "attack-id" telemetry attributes/
> The forwarding nodes  send traffic statistics ... to the orchestrator by using "vendor-id" and "attack-id" telemetry attributes

We found the same nits in draft-ietf-dots-telemetry-use-cases-9, so we
fixed them all.

Thanks,
Yuhei

2022年3月31日(木) 22:54 Valery Smyslov <[e-mail]>:
>
> Hi,
>
> I reviewed the document and found some nits (mostly grammar and typos).
>
> 1. Abstract.
>
> The expansion of DOTS is "DDoS Open Threat Signaling". In the abstract it is expanded as "Denial-of-service Open Threat Signaling".
>
> 2. Figure 1, Figure 3, Figure 5, Figure 7, Figure 16, Figure 18.
>
> All contain the same typo:
>
> s/S is for DOTS client functionality/S is for DOTS server functionality
>
> 3. Section 3.1.1.
>
> IPFIX, BGP, SNMP aren't expanded on first use.
>
> 4. Section 3.1.1.
>
>    After that, the orchestrator
>    orders the forwarding nodes to redirect as much of the top talker's traffic...
>
> Shouldn't it be top-talkers' ?
>
> 5. Figure 7.
>
> s/BGP Flow spec/BGP Flowspec
>
> 6. Section 3.1.5.
>
> s/It may also necessary/It may also be necessary
>
> 7. Section 3.1.5.
>
> s/The forwarding nodes  send traffic statistics ... to the orchestrator the using "vendor-id" and "attack-id" telemetry attributes/
> The forwarding nodes  send traffic statistics ... to the orchestrator by using "vendor-id" and "attack-id" telemetry attributes
>
> 8. Section 3.2.
>
> s/Figure 15 provides ...  from the orchestrator to the network ./Figure 15 provides ...  from the orchestrator to the network.
>
> 9. Section 3.2.
>
> s/Then, the DDoS mitigation systems reports the status of DDoS countermeasures to the orchestrator sending "attack-detail" telemetry
> attributes./
> Then, the DDoS mitigation systems reports the status of DDoS countermeasures to the orchestrator by sending "attack-detail"
> telemetry attributes.
>
> 10. Section 3.2.
>
> s/After  that, the orchestrator integrates the reports ... and send it to a network administrator .../
> After  that, the orchestrator integrates the reports ... and sends them to a network administrator ...
>
> (two places)
>
> 11. Section 3.3.1.
>
>    On the other hand, DDoS detection based on the
>    DMSes is a more accurate method for detecting attack traffic better
>    than flow monitoring.
>
> I have trouble parsing this text. Probably:
>
>   On the other hand, DDoS detection based on the
>    DMSes is a more accurate method for detecting attack traffic
>    than flow monitoring.
>
> 12. Section 3.3.1.
>
> s/The aim of this use case is to increases flow collector's detection .../The aim of this use case is to increase flow collector's
> detection ...
>
> 13. Section 3.3.1.
>
> s/statisticsto/statistics to
>
> 14. Section 4.
>
> s/a DDoS attacks/DDoS attacks
>
> Regards,
> Valery.
>


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Yuuhei HAYASHI
08065300884
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[e-mail]
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