Re: [Gen-art] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-bess-evpn-prefix-advertisement-10

["Rabadan, Jorge (Nokia - US/Mountain View)" <[e-mail]>]

Hi Elwyn,

Thanks for checking.
I’ll definitively point out those things to the RFC editor.

Thanks!
Jorge

From: Elwyn Davies <[e-mail]>
Date: Sunday, May 20, 2018 at 7:12 PM
To: "[e-mail]" <[e-mail]>
Cc: "[e-mail]" <[e-mail]>
Subject: Re: [Gen-art] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-bess-evpn-prefix-advertisement-10
Resent-From: <[e-mail]>
Resent-To: <[e-mail]>, <[e-mail]>, <[e-mail]>, <[e-mail]>, <[e-mail]>, <[e-mail]>, <[e-mail]>, <[e-mail]>, <[e-mail]>, <[e-mail]>, Zhaohui Zhang <[e-mail]>, <[e-mail]>
Resent-Date: Sunday, May 20, 2018 at 7:12 PM

Hi, Jorge.

I checked through version 11 and the changes look good.

The point about the alignment of the IP prefix in s3.1 is that, depending on the length of the prefix, only a subset if the bits are relevant. It might be 'obvious' that the relevant bits are the leftmost ones but they could be the rightmost bits. Better safe than sorry!

There are a couple of nits that could be pointed out to RFC editor if you aren't doing any more updates.

Abstract: you aren't allowed references in bthe abstract, s/[RFCxxxx]/(RFC xxxx)/ in two places.

s1: Expand TS on first use as it is before terminology.

S3.1 (3rd bullet afted Fig 4): s/byte/octet/

There ars a couple of instances where the global replacement of section by Section has been over-enthusiastic: ss2, 3.2, 4, 4.3, 4.4 ('This Section'), ss2 (last para), 4.4.2 (p.29) ('Sections').

Cheers,
Elwyn.

-----Original Message-----

Elwyn,

Thank you very much for your thorough review.
We addressed all your comments.. see below for more details, with [JORGE].

Thx
Jorge

From: Elwyn Davies <elwynd at dial.pipex.com>
Date: Saturday, April 14, 2018 at 12:59 PM
To: "gen-art at ietf.org" <gen-art at ietf.org>
Cc: "draft-ietf-bess-evpn-prefix-advertisement.all at ietf.org" <draft-ietf-bess-evpn-prefix-advertisement.all at ietf.org>, "ietf at ietf.org" <ietf at ietf.org>, "bess at ietf.org" <bess at ietf.org>
Subject: Genart last call review of draft-ietf-bess-evpn-prefix-advertisement-10
Resent-From: <alias-bounces at ietf.org>
Resent-To: <jorge.rabadan at nokia.com>, <wim.henderickx at nokia.com>, <jdrake at juniper.net>, <wlin at juniper.net>, <sajassi at cisco.com>, <matthew.bocci at nokia.com>, <stephane.litkowski at orange.com>, <martin.vigoureux at nokia.com>, <db3546 at att.com>, <aretana.ietf at gmail.com>, Zhaohui Zhang <zzhang at juniper.net>, <zzhang at juniper.net>
Resent-Date: Saturday, April 14, 2018 at 12:59 PM

    Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
    Review result: Almost Ready

    I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
    Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
    by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
    like any other last call comments.

    For more information, please see the FAQ at

    <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>.

    Document: draft-ietf-bess-evpn-prefix-advertisement-10
    Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
    Review Date: 2018-04-14
    IETF LC End Date: 2018-04-10
    IESG Telechat date: 2018-05-10

    Summary:  Almost ready.  My main concerns are the lack of a good introduction
    and a rather weak definition of the format of the new EVPN route option
    (looking back on RFC 7342, I think this could be said about that document
    also!).  This is very technical material and  a good introduction would help
    readers who are not  already deeply into the Data Center area to understand
    what is going on.  Also this document has some remaining vestiges of being
    written like an academc paper (some were fixed in the previous revision),
    particularly the spurious notion of having 'conclusions' (material actually
    deserves to be in the Intro)

    Major issues:

    None

    Minor issues:
    Lack of a proper introduction: An introduction should precede the terminology
    section and needs to be somewhat clearer about the context (presumably
    multi-tenant data centers). A reference to RFC 7365 which describes the data
    center model in which the EVPN mechanism is expected to be employed would be
    very useful. A somewhat expanded version of the text in s2 would be a good
    basis for the introduction. The ss2.1 and 2.2 with a short new header would
    become a new section (3) which is the Problem Statement.
[JORGE] OK, I shifted the intro and terminology sections, and expanded the introduction as you suggested.

    s5: Associated with my previous comment... An RFC is not a scientific paper and
    does not have 'conclusions'.  On reading s5, it strikes me that this text would
    actually make quite a nice part of the introduction, probably interpolated
    after the first paragraph of the current s2.
[JORGE] ok, removed the conclusions section and took the content to the introduction.

    Terminology import: The current s1 contains a number of terms that are actually
    defined in RFC 7365 (Data Center, Tenant System, Network Virtualization Edge,
    etc). Pointing to RFC 7365 s1.1 would be helpful.
[JORGE] Added this in the terminology section:
"This document also assumes familiarity with the terminology of
[RFC7432], [RFC8365] and [RFC7365]."


    s1, VNI: There is some difference between the usage of VNI in RFC 8365 (Section
    5.1), in RFC 7365 (s3.1.2) where it means Virtual Network Instance and in this
    draft (... Identifier). This is potentially confusing to the naive reader and
    definitely confusing with the usage of VNI in item (4) of s4.1 where the VNI is
    the VXLAN Network Identifier. It would be better if VNI meant the same thing in
    all this closely related work. Please review all instances of VNI in the draft
    to make sure they are talking about the same thing.
[JORGE] Done. I also added:
   "VNI: Virtual Network Identifier. As in [RFC8365], the term is used as
      a representation of a 24-bit NVO instance identifier, with the
      understanding that VNI will refer to a VSID in NVGRE, or VNI in
      VXLAN, etc. unless it is stated otherwise."


    s2.1:
    >    [RFC7432] is used as the control plane for a Network Virtualization
    >    Overlay (NVO3) solution in Data Centers (DC),
    The acronym NVO3 is used here as opposed to NVO which is used elsewhere in the
    document. NVO3 is used in RFC 7365 to refer to an overlay with an L3 underlay
    network. It is not quite clear to me whether this is a typo with EVPN NOT being
    an NVO3 example or whether the sentence really ought to refer to RFC 7365 and
    explicitly say "Network Virtualization Overlay over Layer 3 tunnels". In any
    case you can't use an RFC as a control plane - they don't come with knobs on
    ;-) ! Suggest: NEW: [RFC7432] describes how a BGP MPLS-based Ethernet VPN
    (EVPN) can provide the control plane for a Network Virtualization Overlay [over
    Layer 3 Tunnels] (NVO[3]) solution in Data Centers (DC), ENDS If this is a real
    NVO3 then probably the NVO3 acronym should be used in the rest of the draft in
    place of NVO.
[JORGE] Good point, but, actually since this document is based on the work done in [RFC8365] I think we should be consistent with it. And [RFC8365] uses NVO, so I replaced NVO3 by NVO and added NVO to the terminology.


    s3.1: The encoding of the IP Prefix Route encoding is both underspecified and
    to some extent confusing. [I note that this is, in part, inherited from RFC
    7342, where I consider Section 7 to be grossly underspecified.] Specifically:
- Figure 3: Expand RD on first use.
- 1st bullet after Fig 3: The usage of RD
    appears to be defined on a per route type basis in RFC 7342. Accordingly I
    don't think it is sufficient to refer to how it is done in RFC 7342.
- 2nd bullet after Fig 3: s/byte/octet/ for consistency
- 3rd bullet: Encoding not
    specified (presumably unsigned integer)
- 4th bullet: The alignment of the
    prefix bits in the field is not specified (presumably left aligned). The second
    sentence about the size of the field is unnecessary and confusing if the total
    length specification is given clearly.
- 6th bullet: The alighment/encoding of
    the field is not specified (high order doesn't have any meaning without this).
    - 7th bullet: It would be better to have the length specification as the first
    bullet
- this then clarifies the length possibilities of the IP Prefix and GW
    IP address fields. Given that the field lengths are given in octets it would be
    clearer to specify the total length of the BGP EVPN NLRI variable portion in
    octets (and to repeat in s3 as in RFC 7342 that the length is the length of the
    varible portion in octets). Thus the length specification would become: NEW: o
    The Length field of the BGP EVPN NLRI for an EVPN IP Prefix route MUST be
    either 34 (if IPv4 addresses are carried) or 58 (if IPv6 addresses are
    carried). The IP Prefix and Gateway IP Address MUST be from the same IP address
    family
[JORGE] ok, I took most of them. I'm not convinced we need to add the alignment.. I haven't seen that in any related spec, and definitively not on the RFCs this document takes as normative references.

    Nits/editorial comments:
    Global: s/i.e. /i.e., /g, s/e.g. /e.g., /g
[JORGE] done.

    Global: Section cross references: s/section/Section/
[JORGE] done.

    Global: s/route-target/Route Target/ (c.f. definition in RFC 4364 - it might be
    useful to reference RFC 4364 in the Terminology section where Route Target is
    mentioned.)
[JORGE] done.

    Abstract: s/EVPN/The BGP MPLS-based Ethernet VPN (EVPN - RFC 7432) mechanism/
[JORGE] done.

    Abstract: Expand NVO on first use and point to RFC 7365.
[JORGE] done.

    s1: Mention that many of these terms are fully defined in RFC 7365.
[JORGE] added this: "This document also assumes familiarity with the terminology of [RFC7432], [RFC8365] and [RFC7365]."

    s1, RT-2: Add reference to RFC 7432 Section 7.
[JORGE] done.

    s1, RT-5: Note that this is defined in this draft and point to s3.
[JORGE] done.

    s1, MAC-VRF and IP-VRF: The terminology definitions define these as tables, but
    the usage mostly treats them as entities. For example in the BD terminology
    defintion; later in para 1 of s2 we have "IP-VRF tables" - which would mean a
    "route table table" if the terminology definition is taken as correct. I think
    they need to be defined as entities and a check of all usages made to ensure
    that the wording reflects this.
[JORGE] They are defined as in RFC7432 and RFC4364 respectively. However, to avoid confusion, I also added that they the instantiation of an EVI or Layer-3 VPN in an NVE/PE.

    s1, GARP: Add an illustrative reference to RFC 5227. Arguably since there isn't
    a separate GARP protocol and there is only one usage, it might be better to
    remove this and expand the usage in s4.2.
[JORGE] done.

    s1: The terms VXLAN, nvGRE and VTEP need to be defined. Also Ethernet A-D route
    (see first comment on s3 below).
[JORGE] done. A-D route should be taken care by the sentence suggesting familiarity with terms in RFC7432.


    s2, last para: This document doesn't provide justification - it wouldn't exist
    if the new route type wasn't justified. Suggest: OLD: Once the need for a new
    EVPN route type is justified, sections 3, 4 and 5 will describe this route type
    and how it is used in some specific use cases. NEW: Then Section 3 describes
    the format of an additional option for the BGP EVPN NLRI (see [RFC7432] Section
    7) used to carry advertisements of routes using an IP prefix and introduces the
    concept of an Overlay Index, describing how it is used with recursive routing
    resolution to control the egress path associated with a given IP prefix.
    Section 4 describes a set of use cases where the Overlay Index mechanism solves
    certain problems encountered in multi-tenant Data Center implementations.
    Section 5 summarises the distinction between the single IP address EVPN route
    type (RT-2, defined in [RFC742]) and the IP Prefix route type defined in this
    document. ENDS
[JORGE] yes, this paragraph is already modified based on the feedback of another reviewer along the same lines.

    s2.1. para 1: Expand TOR acronym (probably needs a terminology entry).
[JORGE] done.

    s2.1, para 2:
    > If the term Tenant System (TS) is used to designate a physical or
    >    virtual system
    What else would it designate (given the definition in RFC 7365)?
[JORGE] fixed

    s2.1, 3rd bullet after Fig 1: s/depending on who the master is./depending on
    whichsystem is the master./
[JORGE] fixed

    s2.1, para after bullets after Fig 1: Expand ESI on first appearance.
[JORGE] done.

    a2.1, last two paras: These contain RFC 2119 keywords (MUST/MAY respectively)
    which cannot be used in a requirements outline. Suggest replacing them with
    "need to"/"could" respectively.
[JORGE] fixed

    s2.2, para 2: s/section 2.1/Section 2.1/
[JORGE] fixed

    s2.2, para 3: s/E.g.:/For example,/, s/1k/1000/ (2 places).
[JORGE] fixed

    s2.2, next to last para: Need to expand NLRI on first occurrence.
[JORGE] done

    s3, para 1: s/The current/The/ (It won't change in RFC 7432 by definition of
    RFCs).
[JORGE] done

    s3, after Figure 2:
    >    Where the route type field can contain one of the following specific
    >    values (refer to the IANA "EVPN Route Types" registry):
    >
    >    + 1 - Ethernet Auto-Discovery (A-D) route
    >
    >    + 2 - MAC/IP advertisement route
    >
    >    + 3 - Inclusive Multicast Route
    >
    >    + 4 - Ethernet Segment Route
    This is not future proof {and it probably won't be accurate by the time this
    draft becomes an RFC) and there is no value in repeating it here. Please delete
    it. Note that this removes the expansion of A-D, so will need to add Ethernet
    A-D route to Terminology.
[JORGE] done.

    s3, after Figure 2:
    OLD:
    This document defines an additional route type that IANA has added to
    the registry, and will be used for the advertisement of IP Prefixes:

    + 5 - IP Prefix Route
    NEW:
    This document defines an additional route type (RT-5) in the IANA EVPN Route
    Types registry [EVPNRouteTypes], to be used for the advertisement of EVPN
    routes using IP Prefixes:

    Value: 5
    Description: IP Prefix Route
    ENDS
    The reference [EVPNRouteTypes] points to https://www.iana.org/assignments/evpn
[JORGE] done.

    s3.1, last para: s/Router's/router's/
[JORGE] the extended community is called like that, so I left it that way.

    s3.1, extra piece: There are various constraints on the values of fields
    in the RT-5 variable data:
    - The limitations on the value of IP Prefix length and the total length of the
    data depending on the address family of IP Prefix and GW IP Address. - The
    possible values of the fields depending on the Overlay Index type as set out in
    Table 1. The behaviour of receivers if an RT-5 route that breaks these
    constraints is received needs to be defined (error behaviour). This might be a
    useful point to emphasise that certain data combinations would imply a
    withdrawal of the route rather than an advertisement as described in the notes
    to Table 1 and elsewhere.
[JORGE] added: "certain data combinations would imply a
    withdrawal of the route rather than an advertisement as described in the notes
    to Table 1 and elsewhere."

    s3.2, para 13: s/sectin 2.2/Section 2.2/
[JORGE] done.

    s4.1, para 2: The shorthand SN1/24 which I take it implies subnet SN1 using a
    24 bit prefix, needs to be explained on first usage since SN1 is not
    immediately obviously an IP address. Suggest: s?subnet SN1/24?subnet SN1, which
    uses a 24 bit IP prefix (written as SN1/24 in future),?
[JORGE] done.

    s4.1, item (3), 1st bullet: VXLAN and VTEP need to be defined (suggested adding
    to terminology above).
[JORGE] done.

    s4.2, para 1: s/section 2.1 and 2.2/Sections 2.1 and 2.2/
[JORGE] done.

    s4.2, last para: s/GARP message/using a gratuitous ARP REPLY message as
    explained in [RFC5227]/ (and remove the GARP erminology entry as suggested
    above).
[JORGE] ok, done

    s4.3, para 5 and bullet (2): I suspect AD here should be Ethernet A-D. If not
    expand AD on first use - it isn't in terminology (unlike AC). But see previous
    notes on Ethernet A-D.
[JORGE] fixed

    s4.3, para 6: s/in a similar way as/in a similar way to/
[JORGE] fixed

    s4.3, item (5), bullet 1: Where can I find a definition of the 'MAC disposition
    model' and 'VNI disposition model'- Google didn't help me. :-)
[JORGE] I changed the wording and added reference to RFC7432.

    s4.4, para 7 (et seq): For consistency: s/ip-lookup/IP-lookup/g and
    s/mac-lookup/MAC-lookup/ (2 places) (and s/ip and mac lookups/IP- and
    MAC-lookups/)
[JORGE] fixed

    s4.4, para 8: Expansion of SBD is not required as it is in Terminology (and
    might be confusing).
[JORGE] fixed

    s4.4, para 9:
    >  has a IRB interfaces that
    >    connect the SBD to the IP-VRF.
    Should this be 'has IRB interafces that connect' or 'has an IRB interface that
    connects'? If the plural is meant then in the next sentence s/The IRB
    interface's/Each IRB interface's/ (I assume the IP/MAC addresses would be
    different for each IRB but can't be sure).
[JORGE] fixed

    s4.4.1, bullets (c) and (d): s/layer-3/layer 3/ (and two further instances in
    s4.4.2 and s4.4.3).
[JORGE] fixed

    s4.4.1, last para: s/like in/as in/
[JORGE] fixed

    s4.4.3, bullet (c):
    OLD:
    and there is a requirement to save IP addresses on those interfaces.
    NEW:
    and there is a requirement to limit the number of IP addresses used.
    END
[JORGE] fixed

    s4.4.3, last para: s/Interface-ful with SBD IRB model/Interface-ful with
    unnumbered SBD IRB model/. PS This paragraph does not appear to add value - I
    assume it is there to some extent for symmetry with ss4.4.1.and 4.4.2.
[JORGE] fixed

    s6, para 3: s/any action/any actions/ or maybe, s/any action that end up/any
    action that ends up/
[JORGE] fixed

    s7: This should be redrafted as a request for allocation rather than a report
    of a previous action. The current allocation is temporary.
[JORGE] fixed

    s8.1: idnits reports that EVPN-OVERLAY is now RFC 8365.
[JORGE] fixed



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