[Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-trill-irb-13.txt

Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr> Wed, 22 June 2016 14:23 UTC

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From: Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr>
To: gen-art@ietf.org
Date: Wed, 22 Jun 2016 16:22:22 +0200
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Cc: draft-ietf-trill-irb.all@ietf.org
Subject: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-trill-irb-13.txt
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I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
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Document: draft-ietf-trill-irb-13.txt 
Reviewer: Francis Dupont
Review Date: 20160618
IETF LC End Date: 20160624
IESG Telechat date: 20150630

Summary: Ready

Major issues: None

Minor issues: None

Nits/editorial comments:
 - you have 6 (with a soft limit of 5) authors

 - 1 page 3: please expand the first occurrence of the FGL abbrev

  (in theory you should expand the TRILL abbrev and in the Abstract too
   but IMHO it is unlikely to get a reader of this document who does
   not know the TRILL abbrev meaning and raises a concern. BTW VLAN
   is well known (*) so doesn't need to be expanded)
   (* starred in http://www.rfc-editor.org/materials/abbrev.expansion.txt)

 - 1 page 3: i.e. -> i.e.,

 - 3.1 page 5: IMHO the title should be on the next page (page 6).
  This will be fixed by the RFC Editor anyway.

 - 3.1 pages 6 and further: congratulations, you use IP addresses
  from blocks reserved for documentation.

 - 5.2 page 12: dependant -> dependent

 - 5.4 pages 14 and 15: I have an academic question: did you find
  some cases of external redirects? This term is not common
  (nor use cases :-) so I copy a definition I gave during a discussion
  about SEND (the secure IPv6 neighbor discovery):
   - give the link-layer address of an off-link destination which is
     in fact on-link. This "external redirect" is used for IPv6 over
     ATM to implement NHRP short cuts for instance.

 - 6 page 15: another example of strange page layout that should be
  fixed by the RFC Editor.

  (cf 9 IANA Considerations page 22 )