Re: [Gen-art] Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-bess-mvpn-extranet-04

Jari Arkko <jari.arkko@piuha.net> Thu, 17 December 2015 12:54 UTC

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From: Jari Arkko <jari.arkko@piuha.net>
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Date: Thu, 17 Dec 2015 14:54:34 +0200
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To: Christer Holmberg <christer.holmberg@ericsson.com>
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Subject: Re: [Gen-art] Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-bess-mvpn-extranet-04
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Thanks much for your review, Christer.

FWIW, I agree with the comment about the updates being documented clearly.

Jari

On 01 Dec 2015, at 14:26, Christer Holmberg <christer.holmberg@ericsson.com> wrote:

> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>
> Document:                                                         draft-ietf-bess-mvpn-extranet-04.txt
> Reviewer:                                                           Christer Holmberg
> Review Date:                                                     1 December 2015
> IETF LC End Date:                                             4 December 2015
> IETF Telechat Date:                                         17 December 2015
> Summary:           The document is well written, and almost ready for publication. However, I have some general editorial comments that I’d like the authors to address.
> Major Issues: None
> Minor Issues: None
> Editorial Issues:
> 
> General:
> 
> QG_1:
> 
> Throughout the document, there are places where the text say “We follow”, “We say”, etc. I suggest to talk about the “document” instead of “We”.
> 
> I also wonder whether all the “We says are needed.
> 
> 
> QG_2:
> 
> The Abstract says that the document updates RFCs 6513, 6514, and 6625. However, there is no dedicated section(s) which defines the updates.
> 
> I also think the Introduction should contain some general overview text on what is updated.
> 
> If possible, it would also be good to have dedicated “Updates to RFC XXXX” chapters, so that people can easily find what exactly has been updated.
> 
> 
> QG_3:
> 
> The Abstract and Introduction say “Previous RFCs”. I suggest to list the relevant RFCs instead.
> 
> Something like:
> 
>                 “RFC 6513 and RFC6514 specify the procedures…”
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