Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-trill-irb-13.txt

Donald Eastlake <d3e3e3@gmail.com> Wed, 29 June 2016 03:35 UTC

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From: Donald Eastlake <d3e3e3@gmail.com>
Date: Tue, 28 Jun 2016 23:35:26 -0400
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To: Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr>
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Cc: "gen-art@ietf.org Review Team" <gen-art@ietf.org>, draft-ietf-trill-irb.all@ietf.org
Subject: Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-trill-irb-13.txt
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Hi Francis,

Thanks for the review. See some responses below.

On Wed, Jun 22, 2016 at 10:22 AM, Francis Dupont
<Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr> wrote:
>
> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
> Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
> by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
> like any other last call comments.
>
> For more information, please see the FAQ at
>
> <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>.
>
> Document: draft-ietf-trill-irb-13.txt
> Reviewer: Francis Dupont
> Review Date: 20160618
> IETF LC End Date: 20160624
> IESG Telechat date: 20150630
>
> Summary: Ready
>
> Major issues: None
>
> Minor issues: None
>
> Nits/editorial comments:
>  - you have 6 (with a soft limit of 5) authors

I have have consulted with the authors and they will reduce it to 5.

>  - 1 page 3: please expand the first occurrence of the FGL abbrev
>
>   (in theory you should expand the TRILL abbrev and in the Abstract too
>    but IMHO it is unlikely to get a reader of this document who does
>    not know the TRILL abbrev meaning and raises a concern. BTW VLAN
>    is well known (*) so doesn't need to be expanded)
>    (* starred in http://www.rfc-editor.org/materials/abbrev.expansion.txt)

OK.

>  - 1 page 3: i.e. -> i.e.,

OK.

>  - 3.1 page 5: IMHO the title should be on the next page (page 6).
>   This will be fixed by the RFC Editor anyway.

I don't know how easy it will be for the authors to fix this but, as
you point out, the RFC Editor can always fix it.

>  - 3.1 pages 6 and further: congratulations, you use IP addresses
>   from blocks reserved for documentation.

Thanks.

>  - 5.2 page 12: dependant -> dependent

OK.

>  - 5.4 pages 14 and 15: I have an academic question: did you find
>   some cases of external redirects? This term is not common
>   (nor use cases :-) so I copy a definition I gave during a discussion
>   about SEND (the secure IPv6 neighbor discovery):
>    - give the link-layer address of an off-link destination which is
>      in fact on-link. This "external redirect" is used for IPv6 over
>      ATM to implement NHRP short cuts for instance.

I don't think so but I'm not exactly sure what that would mean in this case.

>  - 6 page 15: another example of strange page layout that should be
>   fixed by the RFC Editor.

See response above.

>  - 7.1 page 19: TENANT-LABEL -> TENANT-GWMAC-LABEL
>   (cf 9 IANA Considerations page 22 )

OK.

Thanks,
Donald (document Shepherd)
===============================
 Donald E. Eastlake 3rd   +1-508-333-2270 (cell)
 155 Beaver Street, Milford, MA 01757 USA
 d3e3e3@gmail.com

> Regards
>
> Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr