[Gen-art] Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-opsawg-management-stds-05.txt

"Miguel A. Garcia" <Miguel.A.Garcia@ericsson.com> Tue, 06 March 2012 10:12 UTC

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Date: Tue, 6 Mar 2012 11:12:24 +0100
From: "Miguel A. Garcia" <Miguel.A.Garcia@ericsson.com>
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Cc: General Area Review Team <gen-art@ietf.org>
Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-opsawg-management-stds-05.txt
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I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART)
reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at
<http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>

Please resolve these comments along with any other comments you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-opsawg-management-stds-05.txt
Reviewer: Miguel Garcia <miguel.a.garcia@ericsson.com>
Review Date: 2012-06-03	
IETF LC End Date: 2012-03-08
IESG Telechat date: 2012-03-15

Summary: The document is ready for publication as an Informational RFC

Major issues: none

Minor issues: none

Nits/editorial comments:

The document fills the gap of providing an overview of the IETF 
management standards. I believe this type of documents is highly needed, 
so a big thanks to the authors and contributors for spending quite some 
time in putting this draft.

Here are some minor improvements:

- In section 1.3, I would add informative references to "Relax NG", 
"URI", "XPath", SMIv2, XSD, and YANG.

- In section 2.2, 4th paragraph, I wouldd add informative references to 
ITU-T X.733 and IETF Alarm MIB.

- Section 3.5, 4th paragraph, add references to "IPsec tunnels", 
"TLS-based security solutions"

- Expand acronyms at first usage. This includes:
   - RMON (Section 2.3)
   - YANG, XSD (Section 1.3)

- Section 3.3.2 describes COPS-PR, I would have expected to first 
describe COPS, and then COPS-PR as a variation of it. But there is no 
description of COPS, so I would like you to consider first adding a 
description of COPS.

- Section 3.6 (page 31). The text merely names the names of the different 
Diameter applications. I would expect to see a one-paragraph description 
of what application does. As a comparison, this is what the rest of the 
document does when describing extensions or applications of a protocol. 
So, I would ask you to take a look at the abstract of each RFC and write 
it in there.

- Section 3.10 describes XCAP. I am missing some text to guide the reader 
a bit further. I would describe that XCAP has been designed and is 
commonly used in SIP environments, in particular SIP for Instant 
Messages, Presence, and Conferences. I am also missing some text 
indicating that XCAP by itself is a kind of framework, but the real 
functionality is provided by "XCAP Application Usages", where there are 
big number of these applications. Having said that, I would expect the 
document to list the IETF-produced XCAP application usages together with 
a one-paragraph description. FYI, you can take a look at this list of 
XCAP application usages in the SIMPLE WG document list: 
http://datatracker.ietf.org/wg/simple/

- Section 4.1.3, 2nd paragraph, describes what IPPM is all about. I think 
this is not the correct place to have such description, because IPPM has 
been already described in Section 3.4. So, I would replace the second 
paragraph except the first sentence with a reference to Section 3.4.

- Section 4.1.6, 2nd and 3rd paragraphs, I would add references to 
Sections 2.3 (IPFIX) and 2.2 (SYSLOG), respectively.

- Section 4.2.1, penultimate paragraph, add an informative reference to 
the "core system and interface models in YANG".

BR,

     Miguel

-- 
Miguel A. Garcia
+34-91-339-3608
Ericsson Spain