Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-scim-api-16.txt
Phil Hunt <phil.hunt@yahoo.com> Wed, 22 April 2015 15:23 UTC
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From: Phil Hunt <phil.hunt@yahoo.com>
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Date: Wed, 22 Apr 2015 08:23:08 -0700
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To: Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr>
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Cc: "gen-art@ietf.org" <gen-art@ietf.org>, "draft-ietf-scim-api.all@tools.ietf.org" <draft-ietf-scim-api.all@tools.ietf.org>
Subject: Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-scim-api-16.txt
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Francis, Thanks for your detailed review. Much appreciated! I will revise the document as suggested in the coming week. Thanks! Phil Hunt > On Apr 22, 2015, at 08:06, Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr> wrote: > > I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on > Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at > > <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>. > > Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments > you may receive. > > Document: draft-ietf-scim-api-16.txt > Reviewer: Francis Dupont > Review Date: 20150418 > IETF LC End Date: 20150420 > IESG Telechat date: unknown > > Summary: Ready with nits > > Major issues: None > > Minor issues: None > > Nits/editorial comments: many! > - Abstract page 1: a standardized services: > either 'a standardized service' or 'standardized services' > > - Abstract page 1: add at least a comma in: > a common user > schema and extension model and a service protocol > ^ e.g., here > > - ToC page 2: > 3.4.1. Retrieving a known Resource > ^ Known > > - about keywords: IMHO it is far better, less ambigous and BTW > compliant to avoid lower case keywords. > > - 1.1 page 4: some examples of (not very ambigous) lower case "may"s. > > - 3.2 page 6: ask the RFC Editor to check the page break is not > as badly placed as in my paper copy (PATCH alone at last line). > > - 3.2 page 7 table 1 and a lot of other places: e.g. -> e.g., > > - 3.5.2 page 30: long uri cut issue (there is no perfect solution: > either cut it into two lines, or insert a line break. But you > should be consistent in this choice). > > - 3.5.2 page 31: misplaced comma? > a patch operation that sets a value's > "primary" attribute to "true", SHALL cause the server to > ^ > > - 3.5.2 page 31: no closing parenthesis: > resource (subject to > ^ > > - 3.5.2.2 page 35: missing required SP: > "path":"members[value eq\"2819c223...919d-413861904646\"]" > ^ > > - 3.5.2.3 page 38: selction -> selection > > - 3.6 page 42: from my long list a debatable lower case "should not": > the previously deleted resource should not fail > > - 3.9 page 60: why an upper case "OR" in: > "attributes" OR > "excludedAtributes" > > - 3.10 page 61: "A" in plurals? > A Complex > attributes' Sub-Attributes are referenced > > - 5 page 70: bad wording: > To increase the likelihood that the input and comparison of unicode > usernames and passwords will work in ways that make sense for typical > users throughout the world there are special string preparation and > comparison methods (PRECIS) that MUST be followed for usernames and > passwords. > > - 7.2 page 73: spurious comma: > As mentioned in ,Section > ^ > > - 7.4 page 74: i.e. -> i.e., (the only one I found :-) > > - 9.2 page 78: strange ', .'s (missing parameter in a macro?) > [OpenSearch] > Clinton, D., "OpenSearch Protocol 1.1, Draft 5", . > > [Order-Operations] > Wikipedia, "Order of Operations: Programming Languages", . > > Regards > > Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr
- [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-scim-api-16.txt Francis Dupont
- Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-scim-api-16.txt Phil Hunt
- Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-scim-api-16.txt Phil Hunt
- Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-scim-api-16.txt Jari Arkko