Re: [Gen-art] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-sipcore-sip-push-21

Alissa Cooper <alissa@cooperw.in> Wed, 09 January 2019 15:27 UTC

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From: Alissa Cooper <alissa@cooperw.in>
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Date: Wed, 9 Jan 2019 10:26:53 -0500
Cc: IETF Gen-ART <gen-art@ietf.org>, sipcore@ietf.org, draft-ietf-sipcore-sip-push.all@ietf.org
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To: Stewart Bryant <stewart.bryant@gmail.com>
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Subject: Re: [Gen-art] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-sipcore-sip-push-21
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Stewart, thanks for your review. Christer, thanks for addressing Stewart’s comments. I entered a No Objection ballot.

Alissa

> On Dec 19, 2018, at 10:49 AM, Stewart Bryant <stewart.bryant@gmail.com>; wrote:
> 
> Reviewer: Stewart Bryant
> Review result: Ready with Nits
> 
> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
> Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
> by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
> like any other last call comments.
> 
> For more information, please see the FAQ at
> 
> <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>;.
> 
> Document: draft-ietf-sipcore-sip-push-21
> Reviewer: Stewart Bryant
> Review Date: 2018-12-19
> IETF LC End Date: 2018-12-21
> IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat
> 
> Summary: A well written document with some minor points that could use a little
> attention.
> 
> Major issues: None
> 
> Minor issues:
> 
> In Figure 1 the following is included:
> 
>     REGISTER sip:alice@example.com SIP/2.0
>     Via: SIP/2.0/TCP alicemobile.example.com:5060;branch=z9hG4bKnashds7
>     Max-Forwards: 70
>     To: Alice <sip:alice@example.com>
>     From: Alice <sip:alice@example.com>;tag=456248
>     Call-ID: 843817637684230@998sdasdh09
>     CSeq: 1826 REGISTER
>     Contact: <sip:alice@alicemobile.example.com;
>       pn-provider=acme;
>       pn-param=acme-param;
>       pn-prid=ZTY4ZDJlMzODE1NmUgKi0K>
>     Expires: 7200
>     Content-Length: 0
> 
> SB> However I don't at this stage of the text see the relationship between the
> packet flow digram and the text that follows.
> 
> =========
>   Contact: IESG (iesg@ietf.org)
> 
> SB> Is the whole IESG the most appropriate first point of contact?
> 
> =========
> 
> Nits/editorial comments:
> Presumably the references to RFC XXXX will be replaced by RFC <this RFC> but
> that does not seem to be noted in the text
> 
> ========
> 
>   As dicussed in [RFC4320] and [RFC4321], non-INVITE transactions must
> SB> Typo s/dicussed/discussed/
> 
> ========
> 
>   Example: pn-prid = 00fc13adff78512
> 
>   For more information about the APNs Topic and device token:
> 
> SB> Is the following part of the example? If so it could usefully be delimited
> as SB>  such, otherwise, I don't understand why it is not a normal document
> SB> reference.
> 
>   https://developer.apple.com/library/archive/documentation/NetworkingI
>   nternet/Conceptual/RemoteNotificationsPG/CommunicatingwithAPNs.html
> 
> SB> Similarly in the following section
> =========
> 
> 
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