[Gen-art] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-sipcore-sip-push-21

Stewart Bryant <stewart.bryant@gmail.com> Wed, 19 December 2018 15:49 UTC

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Date: Wed, 19 Dec 2018 07:49:18 -0800
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Subject: [Gen-art] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-sipcore-sip-push-21
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Reviewer: Stewart Bryant
Review result: Ready with Nits

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
like any other last call comments.

For more information, please see the FAQ at

<https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>;.

Document: draft-ietf-sipcore-sip-push-21
Reviewer: Stewart Bryant
Review Date: 2018-12-19
IETF LC End Date: 2018-12-21
IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat

Summary: A well written document with some minor points that could use a little
attention.

Major issues: None

Minor issues:

In Figure 1 the following is included:

     REGISTER sip:alice@example.com SIP/2.0
     Via: SIP/2.0/TCP alicemobile.example.com:5060;branch=z9hG4bKnashds7
     Max-Forwards: 70
     To: Alice <sip:alice@example.com>
     From: Alice <sip:alice@example.com>;tag=456248
     Call-ID: 843817637684230@998sdasdh09
     CSeq: 1826 REGISTER
     Contact: <sip:alice@alicemobile.example.com;
       pn-provider=acme;
       pn-param=acme-param;
       pn-prid=ZTY4ZDJlMzODE1NmUgKi0K>
     Expires: 7200
     Content-Length: 0

SB> However I don't at this stage of the text see the relationship between the
packet flow digram and the text that follows.

=========
   Contact: IESG (iesg@ietf.org)

SB> Is the whole IESG the most appropriate first point of contact?

=========

Nits/editorial comments:
Presumably the references to RFC XXXX will be replaced by RFC <this RFC> but
that does not seem to be noted in the text

========

   As dicussed in [RFC4320] and [RFC4321], non-INVITE transactions must
SB> Typo s/dicussed/discussed/

========

   Example: pn-prid = 00fc13adff78512

   For more information about the APNs Topic and device token:

SB> Is the following part of the example? If so it could usefully be delimited
as SB>  such, otherwise, I don't understand why it is not a normal document
 SB> reference.

   https://developer.apple.com/library/archive/documentation/NetworkingI
   nternet/Conceptual/RemoteNotificationsPG/CommunicatingwithAPNs.html

SB> Similarly in the following section
=========