[Gen-art] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-sipcore-sip-push-21

[Stewart Bryant <[e-mail]>]

Reviewer: Stewart Bryant
Review result: Ready with Nits

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Document: draft-ietf-sipcore-sip-push-21
Reviewer: Stewart Bryant
Review Date: 2018-12-19
IETF LC End Date: 2018-12-21
IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat

Summary: A well written document with some minor points that could use a little
attention.

Major issues: None

Minor issues:

In Figure 1 the following is included:

     REGISTER sip:[e-mail] SIP/2.0
     Via: SIP/2.0/TCP alicemobile.example.com:5060;branch=z9hG4bKnashds7
     Max-Forwards: 70
     To: Alice <sip:[e-mail]>
     From: Alice <sip:[e-mail]>;tag=456248
     Call-ID: 843817637684230@998sdasdh09
     CSeq: 1826 REGISTER
     Contact: <sip:[e-mail];
       pn-provider=acme;
       pn-param=acme-param;
       pn-prid=ZTY4ZDJlMzODE1NmUgKi0K>
     Expires: 7200
     Content-Length: 0

SB> However I don't at this stage of the text see the relationship between the
packet flow digram and the text that follows.

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   Contact: IESG ([e-mail])

SB> Is the whole IESG the most appropriate first point of contact?

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Nits/editorial comments:
Presumably the references to RFC XXXX will be replaced by RFC <this RFC> but
that does not seem to be noted in the text

========

   As dicussed in [RFC4320] and [RFC4321], non-INVITE transactions must
SB> Typo s/dicussed/discussed/

========

   Example: pn-prid = 00fc13adff78512

   For more information about the APNs Topic and device token:

SB> Is the following part of the example? If so it could usefully be delimited
as SB>  such, otherwise, I don't understand why it is not a normal document
 SB> reference.

   https://developer.apple.com/library/archive/documentation/NetworkingI
   nternet/Conceptual/RemoteNotificationsPG/CommunicatingwithAPNs.html

SB> Similarly in the following section
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