Re: [Gen-art] Gen-Art review of draft-ietf-appsawg-greylisting

"Murray S. Kucherawy" <msk@cloudmark.com> Tue, 24 April 2012 22:28 UTC

From: "Murray S. Kucherawy" <msk@cloudmark.com>
To: "kathleen.moriarty@emc.com" <kathleen.moriarty@emc.com>, "draft-ietf-appsawg-greylisting.all@tools.ietf.org" <draft-ietf-appsawg-greylisting.all@tools.ietf.org>, "iesg@ietf.org" <iesg@ietf.org>, "gen-art@ietf.org" <gen-art@ietf.org>
Thread-Topic: Gen-Art review of draft-ietf-appsawg-greylisting
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Date: Tue, 24 Apr 2012 22:27:58 +0000
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Cc: "dcrocker@bbiw.net" <dcrocker@bbiw.net>
Subject: Re: [Gen-art] Gen-Art review of draft-ietf-appsawg-greylisting
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Hi Kathleen, thanks for the review.

> -----Original Message-----
> From: kathleen.moriarty@emc.com [mailto:kathleen.moriarty@emc.com]
> Sent: Monday, April 23, 2012 9:59 AM
> To: draft-ietf-appsawg-greylisting.all@tools.ietf.org; iesg@ietf.org; gen-art@ietf.org
> Cc: Murray S. Kucherawy; dcrocker@bbiw.net
> Subject: Gen-Art review of draft-ietf-appsawg-greylisting
> 
> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on
> Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at <
> http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>.
> 
> Please wait for direction from your document shepherd or AD before
> posting a new version of the draft.
> [...]
> Nits/editorial comments:
> Introduction: First sentence:  The word 'differential' should be
> 'different' unless you change the sentence structure.  It could be that
> there is a differential between services.

"different qualities of service" is more like what we want here, because it's the same service really.

> Second sentence:  Change provider to providing

Fixed.

> Section 2.1: The double dashes should be parentheses instead -- --
> replaced by ()

Done.

> Section 3, third paragraph, last sentence: add a comma:
> From: To the greylisting
>    implementation such clients are once again unknown, and they will
>    once again be subjected to the delay.
> To: To the greylisting
>    Implementation, such clients are once again unknown, and they will
>    once again be subjected to the delay.

Done.

> Section 3, fourth paragraph, second sentence: remove the comma:
> From: It has to be
>    large enough to keep the necessary history, and fast enough to avoid
>    excessive inefficiencies in the server's operations.
> To: It has to be
>    large enough to keep the necessary history and fast enough to avoid
>    excessive inefficiencies in the server's operations.

Done.

> Section 3, fifth paragraph, second to last sentence: remove "the," and
> "such"
> From: Experience suggests that
>    the, the vast majority of mail comes from places on such a developed
>    exception list, so after a training period, only a small proportion
>    of mail is actually affected.
> To: Experience suggests that
>    the vast majority of mail comes from places on a developed
>    exception list, so after a training period, only a small proportion
>    of mail is actually affected.

Done.

> Section 4.1: second to last paragraph: remove unnecessary comma:
> From: Other side effects include out-of-order delivery of related,
>    sequenced messages.
> To: Other side effects include out-of-order delivery of related
>    sequenced messages.

OK.

> Section 4.2: Second paragraph:  The commas can be removed as only two
> items are joined in the list.  When you have three or more, a comma is
> used.

Done.

-MSK

[Gen-art] Gen-Art review of draft-ietf-appsawg-gr… kathleen.moriarty
Re: [Gen-art] Gen-Art review of draft-ietf-appsaw… Murray S. Kucherawy