Re: [Gen-art] Gen-ART review: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-03
"Carlos Pignataro (cpignata)" <cpignata@cisco.com> Mon, 09 April 2012 19:32 UTC
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From: "Carlos Pignataro (cpignata)" <cpignata@cisco.com>
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Thread-Topic: Gen-ART review: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-03
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Date: Mon, 09 Apr 2012 15:32:05 -0400
To: Mary Barnes <mary.ietf.barnes@gmail.com>
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Cc: gen-art@ietf.org, draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec.all@tools.ietf.org
Subject: Re: [Gen-art] Gen-ART review: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-03
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Thank you Mary for the review and for catching all these editorials! Thumb typed by Carlos Pignataro. Excuze typofraphicak errows On Apr 9, 2012, at 3:22 PM, "Mary Barnes" <mary.ietf.barnes@gmail.com> wrote: > I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on > Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at > < http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>. > > Please wait for direction from your document shepherd > or AD before posting a new version of the draft. > > Document: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-03.txt > Reviewer: Mary Barnes > Review Date: 9 April 2012 > IESG Telechat Date: 12 April 2012 > > Summary: Ready with nits. > > Comments: there are some editorial nits, many summarized below. There are several cases where an article - i.e., "the", "an", etc. is missing. I believe these can be fixed in AUTH48 and I imagine the RFC editor will catch them. But, if the doc needs any other updates, it would be good to make these fixes at the same time. > > Nits: > ----- > Section 1: > - first paragraph, second sentence is very awkward and could be rewritten something like (unless I've misunderstood the objective of that sentence: > OLD: > This can be used when it is > desired to request all label bindings for a given type of FEC > Element, or to release or withdraw all label bindings for a given > type of FEC element. > NEW: > This can be used to request, release or withdraw all label > bindings for a given type of FEC element. > > - second paragraph, last sentence - missing articles (PWID, same) > OLD: > The procedures for Typed Wildcard processing for PWid and > Generalized PWid FEC Elements are same as described in [RFC5918] for > any typed wildcard FEC Element type. > NEW: > The procedures for Typed Wildcard processing for the PWid and > Generalized PWid FEC Elements are the same as described in [RFC5918] for > any typed wildcard FEC Element type. > > Section 3: > - third paragraph, last sentence before list: > OLD: > provide > more generalized and comprehensive solution by allowing: > NEW: > provide a > more generalized and comprehensive solution by allowing: > > - list item 2: "constraint" -> "constrain" > > > > Section 4.1: > OLD: > "… had learnt from LSR B over LDP session." > NEW: > " … learned from the LSR B over the LDP session." > > OLD: > "…such request…" > NEW: > "…such a request…" OR "..the request…" > > OLD: > (no stale) > NEW: > (not stale) > > OLD: > completes consistency check > NEW: > completes the consistency check > > Section 4.3: > - first paragraph, last sentence: > OLD: > with large number > NEW: > with a large number > > Section 4.4: > - 1st para, 2nd sentence: > OLD: > These procedures use LDP Address Withdraw message > NEW: > These procedures use an LDP Address Withdraw message > > - 2nd paragraph, last sentence: > OLD: > This per PW (VPLS instance) MAC Withdraw messages > NEW: > These per PW (VPLS instance) MAC Withdraw messages > > 3rd paragraph - 1st sentence: > OLD: > this document allows use of > NEW: > this document allows the use of
- [Gen-art] Gen-ART review: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-type… Mary Barnes
- Re: [Gen-art] Gen-ART review: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-… Carlos Pignataro (cpignata)
- Re: [Gen-art] Gen-ART review: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-… Kamran Raza