Re: [Gen-art] Gen-ART review: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-03

"Carlos Pignataro (cpignata)" <cpignata@cisco.com> Mon, 09 April 2012 19:32 UTC

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From: "Carlos Pignataro (cpignata)" <cpignata@cisco.com>
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Thread-Topic: Gen-ART review: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-03
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Date: Mon, 9 Apr 2012 15:32:05 -0400
To: "Mary Barnes" <mary.ietf.barnes@gmail.com>
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Cc: gen-art@ietf.org, draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec.all@tools.ietf.org
Subject: Re: [Gen-art] Gen-ART review: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-03
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Thank you Mary for the review and for catching all these editorials!

Thumb typed by Carlos Pignataro.
Excuze typofraphicak errows

On Apr 9, 2012, at 3:22 PM, "Mary Barnes" <mary.ietf.barnes@gmail.com> wrote:

> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on
> Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at
> < http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>gt;.
> 
> Please wait for direction from your document shepherd
> or AD before posting a new version of the draft.
> 
> Document: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-03.txt
> Reviewer:  Mary Barnes 
> Review Date:  9 April 2012
> IESG Telechat Date: 12 April 2012
> 
> Summary:  Ready with nits.
> 
> Comments: there are some editorial nits, many summarized below.  There are several cases where an article - i.e., "the", "an", etc. is missing.   I believe these can be fixed in AUTH48 and I imagine the RFC editor will catch them. But, if the doc needs any other updates, it would be good to make these fixes at the same time.  
> 
> Nits:
> -----
> Section 1: 
> - first paragraph, second sentence is very awkward and could be rewritten something like (unless I've misunderstood the objective of that sentence:
> OLD:
>    This can be used when it is 
>    desired to request all label bindings for a given type of FEC 
>    Element, or to release or withdraw all label bindings for a given 
>    type of FEC element. 
> NEW: 
>    This can be used to request, release or withdraw all label 
>    bindings for a given type of FEC element.
> 
> - second paragraph, last sentence - missing articles (PWID, same)
> OLD:
>    The procedures for Typed Wildcard processing for PWid and  
>    Generalized PWid FEC Elements are same as described in [RFC5918] for 
>    any typed wildcard FEC Element type.
> NEW: 
>    The procedures for Typed Wildcard processing for the PWid and  
>    Generalized PWid FEC Elements are the same as described in [RFC5918] for 
>    any typed wildcard FEC Element type.
> 
> Section 3:
> - third paragraph, last sentence before list: 
> OLD: 
>  provide 
>   more generalized and comprehensive solution by allowing: 
> NEW: 
>   provide a
>   more generalized and comprehensive solution by allowing: 
> 
> - list item 2: "constraint" -> "constrain"
> 
> 
> 
> Section 4.1: 
> OLD:
>  "… had learnt from LSR B over LDP session."
> NEW: 
>  " … learned from the LSR B over the LDP session."
> 
> OLD:
>  "…such request…" 
> NEW:
>  "…such a request…"  OR "..the request…"
> 
> OLD: 
>  (no stale)
> NEW: 
>  (not stale)
> 
> OLD:
>   completes consistency check
> NEW:
>   completes the consistency check
> 
> Section 4.3: 
> - first paragraph, last sentence:  
> OLD: 
>   with large number
> NEW:
>   with a large number
> 
> Section 4.4:
> - 1st para, 2nd sentence:
> OLD: 
>    These procedures use LDP Address Withdraw message
> NEW: 
>    These procedures use an LDP Address Withdraw message
> 
> - 2nd paragraph, last sentence:
> OLD:
>   This per PW (VPLS instance) MAC Withdraw messages 
> NEW: 
>   These per PW (VPLS instance) MAC Withdraw messages 
> 
> 3rd paragraph - 1st sentence:
> OLD:
>   this document allows use of
> NEW: 
>   this document allows the use of