[Gen-art] Gen-ART Early review of draft-ietf-rtgwg-net2cloud-problem-statement-21 REVISED

[Paul Kyzivat <[e-mail]>]

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on 
Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at 
<​http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>.

Please resolve these comments along with any other comments you may receive.

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Document: draft-ietf-rtgwg-net2cloud-problem-statement-21
Reviewer: Paul Kyzivat
Review Date: 2023-03-22
IETF LC End Date: ?
IESG Telechat date: ?

Summary:

This draft is basically ready for publication, but has nits that should 
be fixed before publication.

Note: This review is limited by this reviewer's unfamiliarity with MPLS 
or BGP. I strongly suggest you get a review by someone who can address 
those topics.

Issues: 0
Nits: several

NITS:

The following is a bunch of editorial nits for you to consider:

* Section 2: s/Salesforces/Salesforce/

* Section 3.2

Something is wrong with the grammar in:

"When those failure events happen, the Cloud DC GW which is visible to 
clients are running fine."

It can be fixed by s/clients are/clients is/, if that is what you mean.

* Section 3.3:

s/state of the art solutions is/state of the art solutions are/

s/load balancer by responding a FQDN/a load balancer by responding with 
a FQDN/

s/Local DNS resolver become/The Local DNS resolver becomes/

* Section 3.4

The expanded definition of UPF appears with the 2nd usage. It would be 
easier on the reader to move it to the first use.

* Section 3.5

The phrase "There are many aspects of security issues" is awkward. 
Perhaps one of the following would be better:

- There are many aspects of security
- There are many security issues

Also a formatting issue in item (a).

* Section 3.8

The wording of the following is awkward:

"One of the concerns of using Cloud services is not aware of where the 
resource is located, especially Cloud operators can move application 
instances from one place to another."

I suggest:

- s/is not aware/is not being aware/
- s/especially/especially that/

* Section 4.1

s/Figure below/Figure 1 below/

In the same paragraph:

- s/workloads are accessible/workloads that are accessible/

* Section 4.3

s/used to dynamically connecting MPLS/used to dynamically connect MPLS/
s/As MPLS VPN provide/As MPLS VPNs provide/

* IdNits reports a number of other issues. I won't repeat them here.
You can run it to see them.






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