Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-clue-data-model-schema-14.txt

[Jari Arkko <[e-mail]>]

hi — thanks for the updates and reviews! :-)

Jari

On 01 Jun 2016, at 01:26, Simon Pietro Romano <[e-mail]> wrote:

> Hello Francis,
> 
> let us thank you for your comments! Please find below (preceded by [spromano]) our answers.
> 
>> Document: draft-ietf-clue-data-model-schema-14.txt
>> Reviewer: Francis Dupont
>> Review Date: 20160525
>> IETF LC End Date: 20160523
>> IESG Telechat date: 20160602
>> 
>> Summary: Ready with nits
>> 
>> Major issues: none
>> 
>> Minor issues: none
>> 
>> Nits/editorial comments:
>> - I first had a concern about the CLUE abbrev (abbrevs which are not
>>  "well known" according to the RFC Editor's list requires expansion
>>   at their first use in the Abstract and in the body, i.e., likely
>>   the introduction) but in fact CLUE is not an abbrev but a nickname.
>>   I strongly suggest to this (i.e., it is not really an abbrev) in
>>   the introduction (1 page 4) with an explicit reference to the
>>   framework document where are details. BTW IMHO:
>>    * you can leave the CLUE name in the title and the abstract
>>    * this recommendation should apply to all CLUE documents
>>     (at the exception of the framework one of course)
> 
> [spromano] Done. We added the following sentence to the introduction:
> 
> ************************************************************************
> For the benefit of the reader, the term 'CLUE' stands for
> "ControLling mUltiple streams for tElepresence" and is the name of
> the IETF working group in which this document, as well asother companion
> documents has been developed. A thorough definition of the CLUE
> framework can be found in <xref target="I-D.ietf-clue-framework”/>
> 
> ************************************************************************
> 
>> 
>> - ToC page 3 and 16.3 page 48: use " vs ' around application/clue_info+xml
>>  (for consistency)
>> 
> 
> [spromano] Done.
> 
>> - 3 page 5: Scene.. -> Scene.
> 
> [spromano] Done.
> 
>> 
>> - 3 page 5: E.g. -> E.g.,
> 
> [spromano] Done.
> 
>> - 3 page 6: e.g. -> e.g.,
> 
> [spromano] Done.
> 
>> - 4 page 7 (people): (Section 11.29). -> (Section 11.29)
>>  (for consistency)
> 
> [spromano] Done.
> 
>> - 4 page 13 (multiple): sensitivyPattern* -> sensitivityPattern*
> 
> [spromano] Done.
> 
>> - 11.16 page 28: highly-dinamic -> highly-dynamic
> 
> [spromano] Done.
> 
>> - 11.27.3 page 39: simultanous -> simultaneous
> 
> [spromano] Done.
> 
>> - 15 page 46: captures , capture -> captures, capture
> 
> [spromano] We did not find this one.
> 
>> - 17 page 54 and 18 pages 61, 63 and 64 : Soundlevel -> SoundLevel
> 
> [spromano] Done
> 
>> - 30 page 70: AD -> Area Director
> 
> [spromano] Done
> 
>> - 31 pages 70 to 72: usually normative references are before informative
>>  references. I don't know if it is a strong requirement but if it is
>>  easy for you to swap 31.1 with 31.2 it will at least follow
>>  the "least astonishment" rule…
> 
> [spromano] Done
> 
>> Note I didn't check the xml stuff itself (there are automatic tools
>> for this not-for-human task).
> 
> [spromano] Right!
> 
> Thanks 1k for your review,
> 
> Simon and Roberta
> 
> 
>> 
>> Regards
>> 
>> [e-mail]
>> 
>                      					       _\\|//_
>                            				      ( O-O )
>    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o00~~(_)~~00o~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>                     				Simon Pietro Romano
>              				 Universita' di Napoli Federico II
>                 		     Computer Engineering Department
> 	             Phone: [phone] -- Fax: [phone]
>                                            e-mail: [e-mail]
> 
> 		    <<Molti mi dicono che lo scoraggiamento è l'alibi degli
> 		    idioti. Ci rifletto un istante; e mi scoraggio>>. Magritte.
>                			                     oooO
>   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(   )~~~ Oooo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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>                                                                        (_/
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
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