[Gen-art] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-ace-oscore-profile-11

Elwyn Davies via Datatracker <noreply@ietf.org> Tue, 21 July 2020 22:56 UTC

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Subject: [Gen-art] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-ace-oscore-profile-11
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Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
Review result: Almost Ready

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
like any other last call comments.

For more information, please see the FAQ at

<https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>.

Document: draft-ietf-ace-oscore-profile-11
Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
Review Date: 2020-07-21
IETF LC End Date: 2020-07-20
IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat

Summary:  Almost ready.  There is one minor issue that needs sorting out and a
fair number of nits.  Overall I have to say that I found it difficult to keep
clear in my mind what messages were fully encrypted and which ones were sent en
clair and which are in some intermediate class.  The authors might wish to go
back over the document from the point of a naive reader to ensure that it is
clear for implementers.

Major issues:
None

Minor issues:
s2, para 5:  Where does the 'input salt' come from?  The term is not used
anywhere else in this document and  isn't defined or mentioned in either
dreft-ace-oauth-authz or RFC 8613.

Nits/editorial comments:
s1:  Need to expand CoAP on first use.

s1: Need to expand CBOR on first use.

s1.2, CDDL:  It would useful to mention that the predefined type names from
CDDL, especially bstr for byte strings and tstr for text strings,  are used
extensively in the document.

s2, para 1: s/overview on how/overview of how/

s2, para 1: s/as well as OSCORE setup/as well as the OSCORE setup/

s2, para 2: s/that's/that is/

s2, para 8: Need to expand AEAD on first use.

s2 and Figure 1:  It would be helpful to the reader if Figure 1 and its
descriptive paragraph was placed closer to the beginning of s2.  Otherwise
things like Client C' need more explanation to point the reader at the figure.

s2, para 3:

This says:
To determine the AS in charge of a resource hosted at the RS, the client C MAY
send an initial Unauthorized Resource Request message to the RS. The RS then
denies the request and sends the address of its AS back to the client C as
specified in section 5.1 of [I-D.ietf-ace-oauth-authz]. The access token
request and response MUST be confidentiality-protected and ensure authenticity

I found the combination of the Unauthorized Requst and the
confidentiality-protected etc confusing.  If the last sentence does apply to
the Unuthorized Request it would be helpful to make it clear that this is not
just a generic statement but does apply to the Unauthorized Request as well.

Figure1:  For consistency the first line should say Unauthorized Rsource
Request.  I would also suggest explaining the mapping between what is said in
the text and the terms 'Ceation Hints' and 'Access Information' used in the
figure.

s3.1, para after Figure 2:  The term 'audience' appears in this paragraph
without any context indicating what it means .  Later in s3.2 it appears that
audience is associated with CBOR web tokens (RFC 8392).  But it may also might
also be realted to draft-oauth-token exchange.  The appropriate reference
ahould be added and should be explained in s3.1.

Figure 3:  Should IdContext be ContextId?  ContextId is used evrywhere else.

s3.2: Expand HKDF on first use ( in second set of bullets).

s3.2, para after 2nd set of bullets:  I think the four instances of 'may' 
ought to be 'MAY'.

s3.2.1:  It would be helpful to provide references to the online versions of
the  IANA registries (3 places).

s4.2, para 1:   A foward reference to s5 where the comunication mechanisms
needed for introspection are described.

s4.1, para 2: s/from what described/from what is described/

s4.2, para 5: s/that's/that is/

s4.2, last para; s/This simplifies for the RS track/This simplies the process
needed by the RS to keep track/

s8, para 6: s/tasked of/tasked with/

s9.3:  I don't think the Value Type for nonce is 'IESG'! lol