[Gen-art] review of

Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr> Wed, 11 April 2012 15:05 UTC

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From: Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr>
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Date: Wed, 11 Apr 2012 17:05:34 +0200
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Subject: [Gen-art] review of
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I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on
Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at
< http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>gt;.

Please wait for direction from your document shepherd
or AD before posting a new version of the draft.

Document: draft-ietf-emu-chbind-14.txt
Reviewer: Francis Dupont
Review Date: 20120407
IETF LC End Date: 20120412
IESG Telechat date: unknown

Summary: Ready

Major issues: None

Minor issues: None

Nits/editorial comments:
 - Abstract page 1: NAS -> Network Access Server (BTW NAS has two meanings so this is really
  needed)

 - ToC page 3 and many other places: Radius -> RADIUS

 - Toc page 3 and 12 page 27: Acknowledgements -> Acknowledgments

 - Introduction page 5 (twice) and many other places: e.g. -> e.g.,

 - Introduction page 5: advertized -> advertised

 - 3 page 6: I don't understand (i.e., wording problem):
      ...  the EAP server can be
   far removed from the authenticator.
       ^^^^^^^

 - 3 page 6: Lads -> LANs

 - 3 page 7 and other places: adversarial -> adversarious???
  (BTW if my dictionary can't find it I have no problem to understand it)

 - 4 page 8: I really appreciated this section!

 - 4.1 page 9: a universal or an universal?

 - 4.3 page 12: I don't know the expression "pockets of trust"?

 - 5.2 page 15 (3 times) and at other places: i.e. -> i.e.,

 - 5.3 page 16: IMHO the text should explain before the Figure 2 than the format can
  includes multiple ( Length, NSID, NS-Specific... ) triples (in fact one per attribute
  type)

 - 5.3 page 17: of 1 . -> of 1. (or of "1". if 1. is ambiguous)

 - 7.2 page 21: missing space in the figure?

   0                   1                   2                   3
   0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1
   +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
   |     Type      |    Length     |             Value
   +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
             Value (cont)         |
   +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
                                  ^
                                  |

 - 9.1 page 23: interesting conclusion (:-)!

 - 11.1 page 26: what is the size (or range) of this new parameter? IMHO the best
  should be to add a 10-XXX Unassigned line at the end (as it is done for eap-numbers).
  Note I believe IANA will have the same request...

 - 12 page 27: Sam hartman -> Sam Hartman

 - A.5 page 30: make the peer believe -> to believe?

 - A.5 page 30: from the on the -> from the one the?

Thanks

Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr