[Gen-art] Gen-art: Last call review of draft-ietf-netext-radius-pmip6-06

Elwyn Davies <elwynd@dial.pipex.com> Mon, 16 January 2012 13:43 UTC

Return-Path: <elwynd@dial.pipex.com>
X-Original-To: gen-art@ietfa.amsl.com
Delivered-To: gen-art@ietfa.amsl.com
Received: from localhost (localhost []) by ietfa.amsl.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id 1CB0721F85DB for <gen-art@ietfa.amsl.com>; Mon, 16 Jan 2012 05:43:17 -0800 (PST)
X-Virus-Scanned: amavisd-new at amsl.com
X-Spam-Flag: NO
X-Spam-Score: -101.23
X-Spam-Status: No, score=-101.23 tagged_above=-999 required=5 tests=[AWL=-0.931, BAYES_00=-2.599, MANGLED_SAVELE=2.3, USER_IN_WHITELIST=-100]
Received: from mail.ietf.org ([]) by localhost (ietfa.amsl.com []) (amavisd-new, port 10024) with ESMTP id X8oxt21mHnMP for <gen-art@ietfa.amsl.com>; Mon, 16 Jan 2012 05:43:16 -0800 (PST)
Received: from b.painless.aaisp.net.uk (b.painless.aaisp.net.uk [IPv6:2001:8b0:0:30::51bb:1e34]) by ietfa.amsl.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id 628EE21F85D3 for <gen-art@ietf.org>; Mon, 16 Jan 2012 05:43:16 -0800 (PST)
Received: from ([]) by b.painless.aaisp.net.uk with esmtpsa (TLSv1:AES256-SHA:256) (Exim 4.72) (envelope-from <elwynd@dial.pipex.com>) id 1Rmmq8-0006vz-Ua; Mon, 16 Jan 2012 13:43:13 +0000
From: Elwyn Davies <elwynd@dial.pipex.com>
To: General Area Review Team <gen-art@ietf.org>
Content-Type: text/plain
Date: Mon, 16 Jan 2012 13:44:21 +0000
Message-Id: <1326721461.4790.1331.camel@mightyatom.folly.org.uk>
Mime-Version: 1.0
X-Mailer: Evolution 2.26.3
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
Cc: draft-ietf-netext-radius-pmip6.all@tools.ietf.org
Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-art: Last call review of draft-ietf-netext-radius-pmip6-06
X-BeenThere: gen-art@ietf.org
X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.12
Precedence: list
List-Id: "GEN-ART: General Area Review Team" <gen-art.ietf.org>
List-Unsubscribe: <https://www.ietf.org/mailman/options/gen-art>, <mailto:gen-art-request@ietf.org?subject=unsubscribe>
List-Archive: <http://www.ietf.org/mail-archive/web/gen-art>
List-Post: <mailto:gen-art@ietf.org>
List-Help: <mailto:gen-art-request@ietf.org?subject=help>
List-Subscribe: <https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art>, <mailto:gen-art-request@ietf.org?subject=subscribe>
X-List-Received-Date: Mon, 16 Jan 2012 13:43:17 -0000

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on 
Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at 

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments 
you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-netext-radius-pmip6-06
Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
Review Date: 16 January 2012
IETF LC End Date: 19 January 2012
IESG Telechat date: (if known) -

Summary: Almost ready with just some minor nits.

Major issues: -

Minor issues:
s4.1, IP4_HOA_ONLY_SUPPORTED: Is there need to discuss what happens  if
the MUST/MUST NOT conditions are not satisfied? 

Nits/editorial comments:
s1, last para: s/visitor/visited/

s2, Home AAA: s/to  mobile/to the mobile/

s3: Expand acronym PBU on first use.

s3, para 7 (before numbered list): s/Following/The following/

s3, para below figure 2: s/illustrates topology where MAG/illustrates a
topologywhere the MAG/

s4, general: It might be helpful to replace the text 'to be defined by
IANA' in the Type specification fields with the relevant '(TBDxx)' if
that is the format that is wanted eventually.

s4.1, para 1: "reserves a new capability bit" - I think two new bits are
reserved in this section.

s4.1, IP4_HOA_ONLY_SUPPORTED: Expand acronym HNP on first use.

s4.2: Expand acronyms NAI, PBA on first use.

s4.2, et seq, Length fields: The formula '>= 3 octets' is confusing.
Suggest 'In octets, including Type and Length fields (>= 3)'

s4.2: The abbreviated name used for this field is inconsistent:
MN-Identifier in para 1, MN-ID in last para.

s4.5, para 2 and s4.7, para 2: s/If included by VAAA/If included by the

s4.8/s4.9/s4.12/s4.13: Is the all-zeroes case specified by prefix length
zero or 16 octets of zeroes?  Not sure if an actual prefix of zero
length is meaningful here.

s4.8/s4.9: Need to specify how PrefixLength is represented (unsigned

s4.10: s/conveys 64 bits interface identifier/conveys an 8 octet long
interface identifier/ (for consistency with field definition in last

s4.11: s/contains 64 bits interface identifier/contains an 8 octet long
interface identifier/ (for consistency with field definition in last

s4.16, last line of figure: s/LMA IPv6/DHCP v6 server/

s5.1, bullet 1: s/Home-/Home/

s7: I am not sure if the various must's and may's ought to be MUST's and