[Gen-art] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-dots-telemetry-use-cases-11

[Peter Yee via Datatracker <[e-mail]>]

Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review result: Ready with Nits

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Document: draft-ietf-dots-telemetry-use-cases-11
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review Date: 2022-09-20
IETF LC End Date: 2022-09-20
IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat

Summary: This document gives use cases showing how RFC 9244 can be employed for
to convey DOTS telemetry. It seems perfectly fine as an informational adjunct
to RFC 9244, giving more involved examples.

Major issues: None.

Minor issues: None.

Nits/editorial comments:

Page 3, section 3, 1st paragraph: insert “the” before “DOTS telemetry
specifications” and change “specifications” to “specification”.

Page 4, section 3.1.1, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: delete “such”. Change “is”
to “are”.

Page 4, section 3.1.1, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “recent” to
“recently”. Change “Tps” to “Tbps”, unless you believe that 1 transaction per
second is a lot of traffic. One tablespoon might be. ;-)

Page 7, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “identifies” to “identify”. Change
“of” to “about”.

Page 7, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete the first two commas (bracketing
“then”).

Page 7, section 3.1.2, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “under attack time”
to “at the time of an attack”.

Page 9, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “of” to “on”.

Page 9, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: delete “each”.

Page 9, 1st paragraph, 5th sentence: change “atribute” to “attribute”.

Page 10, section 3.1.3, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: delete “an”.

Page 12, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “of” to “about”. Delete “a” after
“using”.

Page 12, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete “On the other hands,” and
capitalize the ‘t’ in “the”. Insert “the” before “volume”.

Page 12, section 3.1.4, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: delete the comma after
“Short”. Change “internet” to “Internet”.

Page 12, section 3.1.4, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: considering inserting
“salient” before “feature”. Insert “it” before “start” and change “start” to
“starts”. Change “go” to “goes” in both occurrences in the sentence. Insert
“then” before “ back to maximum”.

Page 12, section 3.1.4, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete “for them”. Insert
“such” before “an attack”. Change “by” to “using a”. Change “it” to “this”.

Page 12, section 3.1.4, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “the” before
“attack traffic”.

Page 14, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: change “rate-limit” to “rate-limiting of”.

Page 14, 2nd paragraph: change “gatherd” to “gathered”.

Page 15, section 3.1.5, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: change “suspecious” to
“suspicious”.

Page 15, section 3.1.5, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: delete “an”.

Page 15, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “as below” to “that”.

Page 15, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: add a comma after “total attack
connection”.

Page 17, Figure 11: change “vulnerbilities” to “vulnerabilities” twice.

Page 19, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: delete the two commas bracketing “then”.
Change the first space after “e.g.” to a comma.

Page 19, section 3.2, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “counter measure” to
“countermeasure”.

Page 19, section 3.2, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: change “counter measure” to
“countermeasures” (note the plural).

Page 19, section 3.2, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: append a comma after
“”total attack traffic percentiles”. Change “detail” to “details”.

Page 21, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “the” before
“total-pipe-capacity”. Insert “the” before “DOTS”.

Page 22, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change “mitugation” to “mitigation”.

Page 22, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change “reports” to “report”.

Page 22, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “system” to “systems”, presuming
that there can be more than one DMS reporting to the orchestrator. For the
words “sends them”, what does “them” mean? I’m assuming that the orchestrator
creates a single, integrated, deduplicated report, so I’m not sure what “them”
is.

Page 22, section 3.3.1, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change “internet” to
“Internet”.

Page 22, section 3.3.1, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete “On the other hand,”

Page 22, section 3.3.1, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: on the assumption that
multiple flow connectors are allowed, as shown in Figure 16: change
“collector’s” to “collectors’”.

Page 22, section 3.3.1, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “collector” to
“collectors” on the same assumption as the previous comment. If that assumption
is incorrect, ignore both comments. Also considering changing the figure to
have a single flow collector shown in that case.

Page 25, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete the two commas bracketing “then”.

Page 25, section 3.3.2, 2nd sentence: insert “a” or “the” before “baseline”.
Insert “the” before “DMSes”.

Page 25, section 3.3.2, 3rd sentence: change “collector” to “collectors”.

Page 25, Figure 18: I’m not sure what “[ Dst ]” means. It doesn’t appear
elsewhere in this specification or in RFC 9244. Perhaps “destination”?

Page 26, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: I can’t parse this sentence. Consider
rewriting it.