Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-ecrit-additional-data-34.txt
Randall Gellens <randy@qti.qualcomm.com> Wed, 16 September 2015 19:40 UTC
Return-Path: <randy@qti.qualcomm.com>
X-Original-To: gen-art@ietfa.amsl.com
Delivered-To: gen-art@ietfa.amsl.com
Received: from localhost (ietfa.amsl.com [127.0.0.1]) by ietfa.amsl.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id C92E21A01A5 for <gen-art@ietfa.amsl.com>; Wed, 16 Sep 2015 12:40:30 -0700 (PDT)
X-Virus-Scanned: amavisd-new at amsl.com
X-Spam-Flag: NO
X-Spam-Score: -7.011
X-Spam-Level:
X-Spam-Status: No, score=-7.011 tagged_above=-999 required=5 tests=[BAYES_00=-1.9, DKIM_SIGNED=0.1, DKIM_VALID=-0.1, DKIM_VALID_AU=-0.1, RCVD_IN_DNSWL_HI=-5, SPF_PASS=-0.001, T_RP_MATCHES_RCVD=-0.01] autolearn=ham
Received: from mail.ietf.org ([4.31.198.44]) by localhost (ietfa.amsl.com [127.0.0.1]) (amavisd-new, port 10024) with ESMTP id vY3F_brLa5Uv for <gen-art@ietfa.amsl.com>; Wed, 16 Sep 2015 12:40:28 -0700 (PDT)
Received: from wolverine01.qualcomm.com (wolverine01.qualcomm.com [199.106.114.254]) (using TLSv1 with cipher AES256-SHA (256/256 bits)) (No client certificate requested) by ietfa.amsl.com (Postfix) with ESMTPS id BB4E21A0199 for <gen-art@ietf.org>; Wed, 16 Sep 2015 12:40:28 -0700 (PDT)
DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=simple/simple; d=qti.qualcomm.com; i=@qti.qualcomm.com; q=dns/txt; s=qcdkim; t=1442432428; x=1473968428; h=message-id:in-reply-to:references:date:to:from:subject: cc:mime-version; bh=pWgAgnaWwTz/Nk3mVHilUld0+onLdCsAJhE5OFizfKY=; b=yVvf0b30g+pstKKMBY2ejNu2PSa1MVtdCHGKRNet8al2kJEgHj23zU8J FM4FaogedrwsozW/SHSbGzGXzp3tsi9FX4WwW2Lw3/OgX9QzBQ1ywBD9o ChUPMmx0rljEo9nED7JhhD1DYtqIlpdYwbCsceZpDCl/zZ353pzrkDwgP c=;
X-IronPort-AV: E=McAfee;i="5700,7163,7926"; a="138973250"
Received: from ironmsg04-l.qualcomm.com ([172.30.48.19]) by wolverine01.qualcomm.com with ESMTP/TLS/DHE-RSA-AES256-SHA; 16 Sep 2015 12:40:21 -0700
X-IronPort-AV: E=Sophos;i="5.17,541,1437462000"; d="scan'208";a="977098896"
Received: from nasanexm02f.na.qualcomm.com ([10.85.0.87]) by Ironmsg04-L.qualcomm.com with ESMTP/TLS/RC4-SHA; 16 Sep 2015 12:40:18 -0700
Received: from [99.111.97.136] (10.80.80.8) by nasanexm02f.na.qualcomm.com (10.85.0.87) with Microsoft SMTP Server (TLS) id 15.0.1076.9; Wed, 16 Sep 2015 12:40:16 -0700
Message-ID: <p06240615d21e9fb04542@[99.111.97.136]>
In-Reply-To: <201509021019.t82AJwfk041328@givry.fdupont.fr>
References: <201509021019.t82AJwfk041328@givry.fdupont.fr>
X-Mailer: Eudora for Mac OS X
Date: Wed, 16 Sep 2015 12:40:14 -0700
To: Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr>, gen-art@ietf.org
From: Randall Gellens <randy@qti.qualcomm.com>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"; format="flowed"
X-Random-Sig-Tag: 1.0b28
X-Random-Sig-Tag: 1.0b28
X-Originating-IP: [10.80.80.8]
X-ClientProxiedBy: NASANEXM01F.na.qualcomm.com (10.85.0.32) To nasanexm02f.na.qualcomm.com (10.85.0.87)
Archived-At: <http://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/gen-art/q6LEYzzn36XjX6YCqHt3PuXhCF8>
Cc: draft-ietf-ecrit-additional-data.all@tools.ietf.org
Subject: Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-ecrit-additional-data-34.txt
X-BeenThere: gen-art@ietf.org
X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.15
Precedence: list
List-Id: "GEN-ART: General Area Review Team" <gen-art.ietf.org>
List-Unsubscribe: <https://www.ietf.org/mailman/options/gen-art>, <mailto:gen-art-request@ietf.org?subject=unsubscribe>
List-Archive: <https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/browse/gen-art/>
List-Post: <mailto:gen-art@ietf.org>
List-Help: <mailto:gen-art-request@ietf.org?subject=help>
List-Subscribe: <https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art>, <mailto:gen-art-request@ietf.org?subject=subscribe>
X-List-Received-Date: Wed, 16 Sep 2015 19:40:30 -0000
Hi Francis, Thanks for your review. Please see in-line. At 12:19 PM +0200 9/2/15, Francis Dupont wrote: > I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area > Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed > by the IESG for the IETF Chair. Please treat these comments just > like any other last call comments. > > For more information, please see the FAQ at > > <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>. > > Document: draft-ietf-ecrit-additional-data-34.txt > Reviewer: Francis Dupont > Review Date: 20150828 > IETF LC End Date: 20150824 > IESG Telechat date: 20150903 > > Summary: Almost Ready > > Major issues: None > > Minor issues: > This document uses and even redefines RFC 2119 keywords outside the > *formal* wording of RFC 2119: quoting the RFC 2119 (Abstract): > "These words are often capitalized." I don't believe the draft redefines 2119 keywords. The Abstract of RFC 2119 is informative, not normative. I have authored a number of RFCs and read far more, and the 2119 boilerplate and use of keywords in this document seems to be to be exactly the same as for most documents. > This formally means a keyword in lower case is still a keyword which > must (MUST :-) be interpreted as described in RFC 2119. IMHO this is > for very old IETF documents: any IETF document published less than 20 > years ago uses full upper case keywords when they have to be interpreted > so this statement in the RFC 2119 Abstract is more source of confusion > than clarification. > If it can be accepted I propose to add an exception for this document > saying that RFC 2119 keywords are capitalized. I disagree that lowercase words carry RFC 2119 implications. I don't believe this to be common understanding, and I can tell you that in my experience it is not common practice. That said, I do strive to go to great lengths to avoid even potential confusion, so I normally try to avoid using lowercase forms of 2119 words just on the off chance that some reader somewhere could be confused. With that in mind, I have reviewed all lowercase uses in the document of "may", "should", and "must" (there are no lowercase uses of "recommended"), and have changed the vast majority of them to alternate words. In cases where the alternate wording was awkward and the context more than clear, I left them. > > Nits/editorial comments: > - Abstract page 1: every emergency call carry -> carries I disagree because there is an implied "should" due to the preceding "The intent is that..." which makes this subjunctive. > - 1 page 4: every emergency call carry -> carries Same as above. > - 2 page 6: the place where I suggest to add that RFC 2119 keywords > are capitalized and in general keywords are case sensitive. I don't think this is needed, and in my experience would be highly unusual. > - 4.1.4 page 13: an example of a "may" and a "should" which are not > RFC 2119 keywords but only common English. I have changed this use of "may". > - 4.2.1 page 18: neccessarily -> necessarily This was corrected in an earlier edit, but thanks for pointing it out. > - 4.3.8 page 27: defined . -> defined. This was corrected in an earlier edit, but thanks for pointing it out. > - 5.2 page 36 and 5.3 page 38: > I am afraid the provided-by construct in the example is unbalanced > (i.e., <provided-by -> <provided-by>) Good catch, thank you. > - 8 page 62, 9 page 65 (twice): as security and privacy considerations > can be read independently I suggest to replace the 3 "may"s by > equivalent wordings ("can", "be allowed to", etc). I reviewed these as part of addressing your first comment, and have made some changes. > - 10.1.9 page 70: registation -> registration Good catch, thank you. > - 10.4 pages 72 - 76 (many): > The IESG <ietf@ietf.org> -> The IESG <iesg@ietf.org> I agree, done. > - 10.6 page 82: ectit@ietf.org -> ecrit@ietf.org Good catch, thank you. > - 11 page 83: benefitted -> benefited Both are shown as correct, but I'm happy to change it. > Note I didn't check the schemas (even you had the nice attention to > provide them directly, cf appendix B). I reviewed the 33 version > (so at the exception of spelling errors I gave the 33.txt page numbers) > and verified the 33-34 diff. > > Regards > > Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr -- Randall Gellens Opinions are personal; facts are suspect; I speak for myself only -------------- Randomly selected tag: --------------- Some days you feel like Schrodinger's cat. --M. S. Hutchenreuther
- [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-ecrit-additional-d… Francis Dupont
- Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-ecrit-addition… Jari Arkko
- Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-ecrit-addition… Randall Gellens
- Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-ecrit-addition… Randall Gellens