Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-ecrit-additional-data-34.txt

Randall Gellens <randy@qti.qualcomm.com> Wed, 16 September 2015 19:40 UTC

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Date: Wed, 16 Sep 2015 12:40:14 -0700
To: Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr>, gen-art@ietf.org
From: Randall Gellens <randy@qti.qualcomm.com>
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Subject: Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-ecrit-additional-data-34.txt
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Hi Francis,

Thanks for your review.  Please see in-line.

At 12:19 PM +0200 9/2/15, Francis Dupont wrote:

>  I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
>  Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
>  by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
>  like any other last call comments.
>
>  For more information, please see the FAQ at
>
>  <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>.
>
>  Document: draft-ietf-ecrit-additional-data-34.txt
>  Reviewer: Francis Dupont
>  Review Date: 20150828
>  IETF LC End Date: 20150824
>  IESG Telechat date: 20150903
>
>  Summary: Almost Ready
>
>  Major issues: None
>
>  Minor issues:
>   This document uses and even redefines RFC 2119 keywords outside the
>  *formal* wording of RFC 2119: quoting the RFC 2119 (Abstract):
>   "These words are often capitalized."

I don't believe the draft redefines 2119 keywords.  The Abstract of 
RFC 2119 is informative, not normative.  I have authored a number of 
RFCs and read far more, and the 2119 boilerplate and use of keywords 
in this document seems to be to be exactly the same as for most 
documents.

>  This formally means a keyword in lower case is still a keyword which
>  must (MUST :-) be interpreted as described in RFC 2119. IMHO this is
>  for very old IETF documents: any IETF document published less than 20
>  years ago uses full upper case keywords when they have to be interpreted
>  so this statement in the RFC 2119 Abstract is more source of confusion
>  than clarification.
>   If it can be accepted I propose to add an exception for this document
>  saying that RFC 2119 keywords are capitalized.

I disagree that lowercase words carry RFC 2119 implications.  I don't 
believe this to be common understanding, and I can tell you that in 
my experience it is not common practice.

That said, I do strive to go to great lengths to avoid even potential 
confusion, so I normally try to avoid using lowercase forms of 2119 
words just on the off chance that some reader somewhere could be 
confused.  With that in mind, I have reviewed all lowercase uses in 
the document of "may", "should", and "must" (there are no lowercase 
uses of "recommended"), and have changed the vast majority of them to 
alternate words.  In cases where the alternate wording was awkward 
and the context more than clear, I left them.

>
>  Nits/editorial comments:
>   - Abstract page 1: every emergency call carry -> carries

I disagree because there is an implied "should" due to the preceding 
"The intent is that..." which makes this subjunctive.

>  - 1 page 4: every emergency call carry -> carries

Same as above.

>  - 2 page 6: the place where I suggest to add that RFC 2119 keywords
>    are capitalized and in general keywords are case sensitive.

I don't think this is needed, and in my experience would be highly unusual.

>   - 4.1.4 page 13: an example of a "may" and a "should" which are not
>    RFC 2119 keywords but only common English.

I have changed this use of "may".

>   - 4.2.1 page 18: neccessarily -> necessarily

This was corrected in an earlier edit, but thanks for pointing it out.

>   - 4.3.8 page 27: defined . -> defined.

This was corrected in an earlier edit, but thanks for pointing it out.

>   - 5.2 page 36 and 5.3 page 38:
>    I am afraid the provided-by construct in the example is unbalanced
>    (i.e., <provided-by -> <provided-by>)

Good catch, thank you.

>  - 8 page 62, 9 page 65 (twice): as security and privacy considerations
>    can be read independently I suggest to replace the 3 "may"s by
>    equivalent wordings ("can", "be allowed to", etc).

I reviewed these as part of addressing your first comment, and have 
made some changes.


>  - 10.1.9 page 70: registation -> registration

Good catch, thank you.


>   - 10.4 pages 72 - 76 (many):
>    The IESG <ietf@ietf.org> -> The IESG <iesg@ietf.org>

I agree, done.

>   - 10.6 page 82: ectit@ietf.org -> ecrit@ietf.org

Good catch, thank you.

>   - 11 page 83: benefitted -> benefited

Both are shown as correct, but I'm happy to change it.

>  Note I didn't check the schemas (even you had the nice attention to
>  provide them directly, cf appendix B). I reviewed the 33 version
>  (so at the exception of spelling errors I gave the 33.txt page numbers)
>  and verified the 33-34 diff.
>
>  Regards
>
>  Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr



-- 
Randall Gellens
Opinions are personal;    facts are suspect;    I speak for myself only
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Some days you feel like Schrodinger's cat.   --M. S. Hutchenreuther