Re: [Gen-art] Genart telechat review of draft-ietf-anima-autonomic-control-plane-16

[Alissa Cooper <[e-mail]>]

Elwyn, thanks for your reviews. Authors/editors, thanks for addressing Elwyn’s previous comments. I have pointed to his latest round in my ballot. I balloted DISCUSS based on one point in Section 6.10.4.

Alissa

> On Jul 31, 2018, at 8:05 PM, Elwyn Davies <[e-mail]> wrote:
> 
> Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
> Review result: Ready with Nits
> 
> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
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> by the IESG for the IETF Chair. Please wait for direction from your
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> 
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> 
> <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>.
> 
> Document: draft-ietf-anima-autonomic-control-plane-16
> Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
> Review Date: 2018-07-31
> IETF LC End Date: 2018-02-26
> IESG Telechat date: 2018-08-02
> 
> Summary:
> This document is ready but has a fair number of nits still to fix, particularly
> in the earlier part of the document.  There are also some language issues to
> address which the RFC Editor will deal with. My issues from the Last Call
> review have been addressed.
> 
> Major issues:
> None
> 
> Minor issues:
> None
> 
> Nits/editorial comments:
> General: There are three remaining examples of "intent" rather than "Intent".
> 
> General: There are five instances of the construction -> "quoted text" () in
> s2. Need to remove -> and () in each case.  This may be down to tool problems -
> there is a comment in the revisions list.
> 
> S1, para 5: s/The ACP is designed to remains/The ACP is designed to remain/
> 
> s1, para 5: s/The details how this achieved are defined in Section 6./The
> details of how this achieved are described in Section 6./
> 
> s1, bullet point #1: s/supports directly/directly supports/
> 
> s1, bullet point #3: s/network/(Data-Plane) network/
> S1, last para: s/Defined Networking (SDN) (see [RFC7426]), style
> automation/Defined Networking- (SDN-)style (see [RFC7426]) automation/
> 
> S1.1, para 2: Operational Technology is a term that is not very well-known - a
> reference would help.  Unfortunately it seems that the text of ISA99 that
> defines the term is not freely available. Suggestions of a freely available
> alternative?
> 
> s1.1, para 3: Although RPL is in the glossary in s2, this instance occurs
> before s2 is announced, so it would be worth adding RPL (Routing Protocol for
> Low-power and Lossy Networks - RFC6550)
> 
> s2, "ACP address": s/the ->"ACP domain certificate" ()./the "ACP domain
> certificate".
> 
> S2, "ACP Domain":  'of nodes with ->"ACP domain' . Remove "->" and ()?
> 
> s2. "ACP Loopback interface": Need to expand VRF on first use.
> 
> s2, "ACP secure channel": As wrtten this equates a security association with a
> secure channel.  Suggest: NEW: ACP secure channel: A sequence of links
> established hop-by-hop between adjacent ACP nodes with a security association
> established for each link using the ACP secure channel protocol and the ACP
> Domain Certificate.  The channel is used to carry traffic of the ACP VRF
> separated from Data-Plane traffic in-band over the same links as the
> Data-Plane. ENDS
> 
> s2, "Data-Plane": s/non-autonomic/by means other than autonomically/
> 
> s2, "GRASP": s/required/REQUIRED/
> 
> s2, "in-band (management)": fix up two instances of -> ... ().
> 
> s2, "Node-ID": s/bit/bits/; Due to a missing XML introducer, the reference to
> s6.10.5 hasn't been translated.
> 
> s2, "(virtual) out-of-band network": fix up one instance of -> ... (); s/where
> historically/were historically/; In next to last sentence s/out of
> band/out-of-band/
> 
> s2, "ULA": s/are the first 48 bit/is the first 48 bits/
> 
> s2, "(ACP) Zone": s/protocols details/protocol's details/
> 
> s3.1: s/This way/In this way/; possibly s/other processes/single instamces of
> other processes/???
> 
> s3.2, last para: s/like/such as/  [like: Yuck!]
> 
> s3.3, para 1: s/managment/management/
> 
> s3.3, first bullet: s/out of Band/out-of-Band/
> 
> s4, ACP2: The phrase "(can block easily at edge)" needs additional explanation.
> 
> s4, ACP4: s/generic.  Usable/generic,  that is it MUST/
> 
> s4, last para: Need to expand eACP.
> 
> s5, 2nd 'Note' bullet: s/auto discovery/auto-discovery/
> 
> s5, lata para: s/This way/In this way/
> 
> s6.1, para 4: Trailing colon s/b period.
> 
> s6.1.1, last para on page 20: s/":" are not/The character ":" is not/
> 
> s6.1.1, last but 2 para: s/information element it,/information
> element,/(probably)
> 
> s6.1.2. next to last bullet: s/peers certificate/peer's certificate/; s/peers
> domain/peer's domain/
> 
> s6.1.3.1, last para: Expand ttl on first use.
> 
> s6.1.3.5, para 4: s/ACP nodes domain certificate/ACP node's domain
> certificate/; s/nodes ACP/node's ACP/
> 
> s6.3, para 2: s/State Less/Stateless/
> 
> s6.11.1.1, para 1: s/reliable network reasonably fast/reliable network with
> reasonably fast/
> 
> s6.12: s/hop by hop/hop-by-hop/
> 
> s8.2.1, bullets 2 and 3: s/vrf/VRF/
> 
> 
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