[Gen-art] Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-ippm-twamp-value-added-octets-03

"Peter Yee" <peter@akayla.com> Fri, 29 June 2012 04:55 UTC

From: Peter Yee <peter@akayla.com>
To: draft-ietf-ippm-twamp-value-added-octets.all@tools.ietf.org
Date: Thu, 28 Jun 2012 21:55:10 -0700
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Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-ippm-twamp-value-added-octets-03
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I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on
Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at
<http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>.

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you
may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-ippm-twamp-value-added-octets-03
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review Date: 28-June-2012
IETF LC End Date: 28-June-2012
IESG Telechat date: Pending

Summary: This draft describes an extension to the TWAMP protocol for
handling
packet "trains" which are used to quantify network capacity metrics. 
The document is ready for publication as an informational RFC. 

Major Issues: None

Minor Issues: None

Nits/editorial comments:

Section 2, in the paragraph right after the two bullets: "measurements" ->
"measurement".

Section 3, 5th paragraph, 4th sentence ("The method to measuring the UDP
delivery rate may also
require the packet loss.") left me confused.  Did you mean something like
"The method for
measuring the UDP delivery rate may also require the rate of packet loss."?
Percentage?
Count?

Next paragraph, 2nd sentence: "rate" -> "rates".

Next paragraph, same change.

Section 4, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: "require" -> "requires".

Section 5, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: "of first" -> "of the first".

Section 5, 3rd diagram, it's not utterly clear that the Reserved field
includes the two bits
from the last octet on the previous line.  (Yes, I do understand that it's
really hard to
indicate the connection in an ASCII diagram!)  The text implies that must be
the case,
but only owing to the size of the field.

Section 5.1, second to last paragraph, last sentence: "If I bit" -> "If the
I bit".

Section 5.2, 2nd bullet, 2nd sub-bullet, 2nd sentence: "the another" ->
"another".

Section 5.:, "to estimate or calculate" -> "to estimating or calculating"?

Section 5.3, second sentence: "to identify" -> "of identifying".

Section 6, 1st paragraph: "direction" -> "directions".

Section 6, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: "the whole trains" -> "whole
trains".

Section 6, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: "of new field" -> "of a new field".

[Gen-art] Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-ippm-twamp… Peter Yee