[Gen-art] Gen-ART LC review of draft-ietf-mpls-entropy-lsp-ping-04

"Peter Yee" <peter@akayla.com> Sat, 27 August 2016 07:18 UTC

From: Peter Yee <peter@akayla.com>
To: draft-ietf-mpls-entropy-lsp-ping.all@ietf.org
Date: Sat, 27 Aug 2016 00:18:03 -0700
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Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART LC review of draft-ietf-mpls-entropy-lsp-ping-04
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I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft.  The General Area Review
Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed by the IESG for
the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just like any other last call
comment.  For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at
<http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>

Document: draft-ietf-mpls-entropy-lsp-ping-04
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review Date: August 26, 2016
IETF LC End Date: August 26, 2016
IESG Telechat date: September 1, 2016

Summary: This draft is basically ready for publication as a Proposed
Standard, but has some nits that should be fixed before publication. [Ready
with nits]

This draft expands the ability to perform MPLS LSP Ping and Traceroute
operations in the presence of Entropy Labels when LSRs use disparate load
balancing methods.

I really have no problems with the documents other than some mostly
inconsequential nits.

Major issues: None

Minor issues: None

Nits:

General:

Page 3, Section 1.1: delete the periods after each definition.

Change "ELI/EL pushing" to "ELI/EL-pushing".

Specific:

Page 1, Abstract, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: expand LSRs here as this is
the first use of the term.  Put LSRs in parenthesis.

Page 1, Abstract, 1st paragraph, 4th and 5th sentences: change "non-EL
based" to "non-EL-based".

Page 3, FEC definition: change "Equivalent" to "Equivalence".

Page 4, Section 1.2 , 2nd paragraph, last sentence: append a comma after
"e.g.".

Page 4, Section 1.2, 3rd paragraph, second sentence: change "to not be"  to
"not being".

Page 4, Section 1.2, 1st bullet point, 1st sentence: insert "the" before
"label".

Page 5, Section 2, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma after "y".

Page 5, Section 2, 3rd paragraph, 5th sentence: change "(outgoing
interface)" to "(outgoing) interface".

Page 6, 1st sentence: insert "The" before "Current" after making it lower
case.  Insert "the" before "following".

Page 6, 3rd bullet point, 1st sentence: delete the comma after "ECMP".

Page 6, 4th bullet item, 1st sentence: delete the comma after "ECMP".
Insert "the" before "associated".

Page 6, 3rd asterisk bullet item: change "based on EL" to "based on the EL".

Page 6, 4th asterisk bullet item: insert "an" before "ELI".

Page 7, Section 3, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change the space between
"label" and "based" to a hyphen.

Page 7, Section 4, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: change "PW-FEC" to "PW FEC".

Page 9, Section 6, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma after "one".

Page 9, L flag definition, 2nd sentence: insert "to one" before "in the echo
reply".  Or consider working with the definition of "set" to mean "using a
value of one" and "clear" to mean using a value of "zero" as you have done
in other parts of the document.

Page 9, E flag definition, 2nd sentence: insert "to one" before "in the echo
reply".

Page 11, Associated Label Multipath Information definition, 1st asterisk
bullet item: change "16 bit" to "16-bit".

Page 12, 1st and 2nd asterisk bullet points: there is no previous mention of
an "IP Associated Label Multipath Information".  You probably want to drop
"IP" to match Figure 2.  Whatever you decide, make the change consistently
throughout the document as there are other instances of "IP Associated Label
Multipath Information", some in mixed case.  This is the only nit of real
consequence.

Page 12, 3rd bullet item: insert "an" before "echo".  Insert "the" before
"DS".

Page 13, Section 9, 1st paragraph after numbered items, 1st sentence: change
"to not" to "not to".  (That just seems to read more smoothly;
grammatically, it's fine.)

Page 13, Section 9, 1st asterisk bullet point: insert "the" before
"following".

Page 13, Section 9, 2nd bullet item, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "to
consider" to "considering".  Change "return" to "returning".

Page 14, Section 9.1 and 9.2 titles: change "IP Based" to "IP-based".

Page 15, 1st two asterisk bullet points: unless it is a well-known term in
the LSP Ping/Traceroute literature, change "returning" to "returned".  (I
couldn't find anything in RFC 4379, RFC 6424, or RFC 6790 that mentions
"returning" as a term of art.)

Page 15, Section 9.4 title: change "Label Based" to "Label-based".

Page 16, Section 9.5 title: change "Label Based" to "Label-based".

Page 16, Section 9.5, 3rd and 4th asterisk bullet points: change "returning"
to "returned".

Page 16, Section 9.5, 5th asterisk bullet point: insert "the" before "Label
Multipath Information".

Page 17, Section 10, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change "purpose" to
"purposes".

Page 17, items b and c: insert "the" before "label" twice in each sentence.
Append a space after the "greater than" symbol.

Page 17, "N labels" items (numbered 1 and 2): I'm not sure how to parse
these sentences.  Perhaps inserting "the" before "label stack" and "a"
before "flow label" helps them to make sense, but I'm still not sure what is
meant here.  This may simply reflect my ignorance regarding MPLS LSP Ping
and Traceroute.

Page 18, 2nd bullet item: move the period before " (not a recommended
practice)".

Page 18, 7th bullet item: append "the" after "exceed".

Page 19, 1st paragraph: change "supports" to "support".

[Gen-art] Gen-ART LC review of draft-ietf-mpls-en… Peter Yee