Re: [Iasa20] [Gen-art] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-iasa2-rfc5377bis-02

Elwyn Davies <elwynd@folly.org.uk> Thu, 15 August 2019 18:00 UTC

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Thread-Topic: Re: [Gen-art] [Iasa20] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-iasa2-rfc5377bis-02
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From: Elwyn Davies <elwynd@folly.org.uk>
Date: Thu, 15 Aug 2019 18:39:47 +0100
To: "Joel M. Halpern" <jmh@joelhalpern.com>
CC: Elwyn Davies <elwynd@dial.pipex.com>,gen-art@ietf.org, iasa20@ietf.org,draft-ietf-iasa2-rfc5377bis.all@ietf.org, ietf@ietf.org
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Subject: Re: [Iasa20] [Gen-art] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-iasa2-rfc5377bis-02
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Thanks. I'll keep a lookout for the updated draft.

Cheers,
Elwyn

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On 15 Aug 2019, 00:13, at 00:13, "Joel M. Halpern" <jmh@joelhalpern.com> wrote:
>Thank you Elwyn.  I have applied both changes to my private copy.  I 
>will submit when the chairs / ADs request.
>
>Yours,
>Joel
>
>On 8/14/2019 6:42 PM, Elwyn Davies via Datatracker wrote:
>> Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
>> Review result: Ready with Nits
>> 
>> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
>> Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
>> by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
>> like any other last call comments.
>> 
>> For more information, please see the FAQ at
>> 
>> <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>.
>> 
>> Document: draft-ietf-iasa2-rfc5377bis-02
>> Reviewer: Elwyn Davies
>> Review Date: 2019-08-14
>> IETF LC End Date: 2019-08-14
>> IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat
>> 
>> Summary:
>> Ready with a couple of nits.  The text of  para 2 of section 3 refers
>to an
>> initial state that is not applicable to the transition which requires
>this
>> update.  Emphasising continuity seems more appropriate.
>> 
>> Major issues:
>> None
>> 
>> Minor issues:
>> None
>> 
>> Nits/editorial comments:
>> Abstract, last  sentence (very picky): Technically, what has been
>removed from
>> the text of RFC 5377 are references to the IAOC.  Suggest s/IASA/IAOC
>which was
>> part of IASA/
>> 
>> s3, para 2, first sentence:  The first sentence was applicable to the
>original
>> creation of the licence policies and text when responsibility was
>initially
>> transferred to the trustees and is inappropriate for the current
>modification
>> of the trust organisation.  It could probably be safely deleted, or
>the
>> continuity could be emphasised by something like... OLD:
>>     The rough consensus described in this document reflects the
>agreement
>>     of the IETF as of the IETF Last Call, and the Trustees of the
>IETF
>>     Trust are to begin drafting license text and other materials to
>act
>>     on these instructions upon IESG approval of this document for RFC
>>     publication.
>> NEW:
>>     To ensure continuuty, the starting point for license text and
>other materials
>>     will be that previiysly created by the Trustees of the IETF under
>the
>>     authority of [RFC5377] which this document supersedes.
>> ENDS
>> This requires a reference to RFC 5377.
>> 
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>
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