[Idr] Re: Shepherd's review - draft-ietf-idr-bgpls-sr-vtn-mt-04 -

[Chongfeng Xie <[e-mail]>]

Hi Sue,
Thank you very much for your review and revisions made.  Yes, we wish to start WG LC after we made changes to the document, the new version will be submitted soon.

Best regards
Chongfeng

 
From: Susan Hares
Date: 2024-09-02 18:13
To: [e-mail]
CC: Dongjie (Jimmy); [e-mail]; [e-mail]; Chongfeng XIE; Lizhenbin
Subject: Shepherd's review - draft-ietf-idr-bgpls-sr-vtn-mt-04 -
Chongfeng, Cong, Jie and Robin: 
 
This message contains my shepherd’s review for 
draft-ietf-idr-bgpls-sr-vtn-mt-04. 
 
This draft is almost ready to go through WG LC. 
The draft has 8 minor English improvements that could be made.
 
Do you wish to start WG LC after you make these few 
minor changes to the document? 
 
Cheerily, Sue 
 
 
=============
 
Shepherd Review for: 
draft-ietf-idr-bgpls-sr-vtn-mt-04 
 
status: WG Draft (last publication 11/22/2022), expired
Status: Informational. 
version: revision suggested
(The content is OK, but a few editorial suggestions are made.)
early allocation: none 
 
Editorial: 
 
1. Abstract, sentence 1, incorrect use of "etc"
 
Old text:/
   Enhanced VPNs aim to deliver VPN services with enhanced
   characteristics, such as guaranteed resources, latency, jitter, etc.,
   so as to support customers requirements for connectivity services
   with these enhanced characteristics./
   
New text:/
   Enhanced VPNs aim to deliver VPN services with enhanced
   characteristics to connect customers who require specific 
   guaranteed resources, latency, or jitter./ 
   
 2. Introduction, sentence 1, incorrect use of "etc."
 
Old text:/
   Enhanced VPNs aim to deliver VPN services with enhanced
   characteristics, such as guaranteed resources, latency, jitter, etc.,
   so as to support customers requirements for connectivity services
   with these enhanced characteristics./
   
New text:/
   Enhanced VPNs aim to deliver VPN services with enhanced
   characteristics to connect customers who require specific 
   guaranteed resources, latency, or jitter./ 
   
   
 3. Introduction, paragraph 4, incorrect capitalization 
 
Old text:/ 
   To allow NRP-specific constraint-based path computation and/or NRP-
   specific shortest path computation to be performed by network
   controller and network nodes, The set of resource-awere SR SIDs and
   the associated topology and resource attributes of an NRP need to be
   distributed using a control plane./
   
 New text:/
  To allow NRP-specific constraint-based path computation and/or NRP-
   specific shortest path computation to be performed by network
   controller and network nodes, the set of resource-awere SR SIDs and
   the associated topology and resource attributes of an NRP need to be
   distributed using a control plane./
   
 4. Introduction, paragraph 5, sentence clarity
 Current:/
  [I-D.ietf-lsr-isis-sr-vtn-mt] describes the IGP Multi-
   Topology (MT) [RFC5120] based mechanism to advertise the topology and
   the associated SR SIDs, together with the resource and TE attributes
   for each SR based NRP./
   
 New:/
  [I-D.ietf-lsr-isis-sr-vtn-mt] describes the IGP Multi-
   Topology (MT) [RFC5120] based mechanism to advertise an independent topology and
   the associated SR SIDs, together with the resource and TE attributes
   for each SR based NRP. /
   
 5. Section 2.2, paragraph 4, sub-paragraph 1, starting with "One EBGP"
 Problem: clarity in sentence due to "comma".
 Current text:/
      In both cases, different BGP Peer-Adj-SIDs or SRv6
      End.X SID need to be allocated to each underlying physical or
      virtual member link, the association between the BGP Peer Adj-SID/
      End.X SID and the MT-ID of the NRP need to be advertised by the
      ASBR./
        
 Current text:/
      In both cases, different BGP Peer-Adj-SIDs or SRv6
      End.X SID need to be allocated to each underlying physical or
      virtual member link, and the association between the BGP Peer Adj-SID/
      End.X SID and the MT-ID of the NRP need to be advertised by the
      ASBR./
 
6. section 4, paragraph 1, clarity due to "comma"
 
old text:/ For example, even if multiple NRPs share the same
   topology, each NRP still need to be identified using a unique MT-ID
   in the control plane, thus independent path computation needs be
   executed for each NRP. 
 
new text:/ For example, even if multiple NRPs share the same
   topology, each NRP still need to be identified using a unique MT-ID
   in the control plane. Thus independent path computation needs be
   executed for each NRP. /
   
 7. Section 4, paragraph 1, - ", as no" - please review word choice
 Old text:/ The mechanism 
   described in this document is considered useful for network scenarios
   in which the required number of NRPs is small, as no control protocol
   extension is required. /
 
A more normal word choice would be "because" as shown below, 
but you may wish ", as no".
 
New text:
    / The mechanism 
   described in this document is considered useful for network scenarios
   in which the required number of NRPs is small because no control protocol
   extension is required. /   
   
   8. Section 4, paragraph 1, 
   
 Current text: 
    For network scenarios where the number of
   required NRPs is large, more scalable solution would be needed, which
   may require further protocol extensions and enhancements. /
   
New text:/ 
    For network scenarios where the number of
   required NRPs is large, more scalable solution would be needed which
   may require further protocol extensions and enhancements. /