[Idr] Shepherd's review - draft-ietf-idr-bgpls-sr-vtn-mt-04 -

[Susan Hares <[e-mail]>]

Chongfeng, Cong, Jie and Robin:

This message contains my shepherd's review for
draft-ietf-idr-bgpls-sr-vtn-mt-04.

This draft is almost ready to go through WG LC.
The draft has 8 minor English improvements that could be made.

Do you wish to start WG LC after you make these few
minor changes to the document?

Cheerily, Sue


=============

Shepherd Review for:
draft-ietf-idr-bgpls-sr-vtn-mt-04

status: WG Draft (last publication 11/22/2022), expired
Status: Informational.
version: revision suggested
(The content is OK, but a few editorial suggestions are made.)
early allocation: none

Editorial:

1. Abstract, sentence 1, incorrect use of "etc"

Old text:/
   Enhanced VPNs aim to deliver VPN services with enhanced
   characteristics, such as guaranteed resources, latency, jitter, etc.,
   so as to support customers requirements for connectivity services
   with these enhanced characteristics./

New text:/
   Enhanced VPNs aim to deliver VPN services with enhanced
   characteristics to connect customers who require specific
   guaranteed resources, latency, or jitter./

 2. Introduction, sentence 1, incorrect use of "etc."

Old text:/
   Enhanced VPNs aim to deliver VPN services with enhanced
   characteristics, such as guaranteed resources, latency, jitter, etc.,
   so as to support customers requirements for connectivity services
   with these enhanced characteristics./

New text:/
   Enhanced VPNs aim to deliver VPN services with enhanced
   characteristics to connect customers who require specific
   guaranteed resources, latency, or jitter./


 3. Introduction, paragraph 4, incorrect capitalization

Old text:/
   To allow NRP-specific constraint-based path computation and/or NRP-
   specific shortest path computation to be performed by network
   controller and network nodes, The set of resource-awere SR SIDs and
   the associated topology and resource attributes of an NRP need to be
   distributed using a control plane./

 New text:/
  To allow NRP-specific constraint-based path computation and/or NRP-
   specific shortest path computation to be performed by network
   controller and network nodes, the set of resource-awere SR SIDs and
   the associated topology and resource attributes of an NRP need to be
   distributed using a control plane./

 4. Introduction, paragraph 5, sentence clarity
 Current:/
  [I-D.ietf-lsr-isis-sr-vtn-mt] describes the IGP Multi-
   Topology (MT) [RFC5120] based mechanism to advertise the topology and
   the associated SR SIDs, together with the resource and TE attributes
   for each SR based NRP./

 New:/
  [I-D.ietf-lsr-isis-sr-vtn-mt] describes the IGP Multi-
   Topology (MT) [RFC5120] based mechanism to advertise an independent topology and
   the associated SR SIDs, together with the resource and TE attributes
   for each SR based NRP. /

 5. Section 2.2, paragraph 4, sub-paragraph 1, starting with "One EBGP"
 Problem: clarity in sentence due to "comma".
 Current text:/
      In both cases, different BGP Peer-Adj-SIDs or SRv6
      End.X SID need to be allocated to each underlying physical or
      virtual member link, the association between the BGP Peer Adj-SID/
      End.X SID and the MT-ID of the NRP need to be advertised by the
      ASBR./

 Current text:/
      In both cases, different BGP Peer-Adj-SIDs or SRv6
      End.X SID need to be allocated to each underlying physical or
      virtual member link, and the association between the BGP Peer Adj-SID/
      End.X SID and the MT-ID of the NRP need to be advertised by the
      ASBR./

6. section 4, paragraph 1, clarity due to "comma"

old text:/ For example, even if multiple NRPs share the same
   topology, each NRP still need to be identified using a unique MT-ID
   in the control plane, thus independent path computation needs be
   executed for each NRP.

new text:/ For example, even if multiple NRPs share the same
   topology, each NRP still need to be identified using a unique MT-ID
   in the control plane. Thus independent path computation needs be
   executed for each NRP. /

 7. Section 4, paragraph 1, - ", as no" - please review word choice
 Old text:/ The mechanism
   described in this document is considered useful for network scenarios
   in which the required number of NRPs is small, as no control protocol
   extension is required. /

A more normal word choice would be "because" as shown below,
but you may wish ", as no".

New text:
    / The mechanism
   described in this document is considered useful for network scenarios
   in which the required number of NRPs is small because no control protocol
   extension is required. /

   8. Section 4, paragraph 1,

 Current text:
    For network scenarios where the number of
   required NRPs is large, more scalable solution would be needed, which
   may require further protocol extensions and enhancements. /

New text:/
    For network scenarios where the number of
   required NRPs is large, more scalable solution would be needed which
   may require further protocol extensions and enhancements. /