[ippm] Lars Eggert's No Objection on draft-ietf-ippm-explicit-flow-measurements-03: (with COMMENT)

Lars Eggert via Datatracker <noreply@ietf.org> Thu, 25 May 2023 08:49 UTC

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Date: Thu, 25 May 2023 01:49:05 -0700
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Subject: [ippm] Lars Eggert's No Objection on draft-ietf-ippm-explicit-flow-measurements-03: (with COMMENT)
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Lars Eggert has entered the following ballot position for
draft-ietf-ippm-explicit-flow-measurements-03: No Objection

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# GEN AD review of draft-ietf-ippm-explicit-flow-measurements-03

CC @larseggert

## Comments

### Too many authors

The document has eight authors, which exceeds the recommended author limit. Has
the sponsoring AD agreed that this is appropriate?

### Inclusive language

Found terminology that should be reviewed for inclusivity; see
https://www.rfc-editor.org/part2/#inclusive_language for background and more

 * Term `crippling`; alternatives might be `broken`, `damaged`, `defective`,
   `deformed`, `impaired`

## Nits

All comments below are about very minor potential issues that you may choose to
address in some way - or ignore - as you see fit. Some were flagged by
automated tools (via https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool), so there
will likely be some false positives. There is no need to let me know what you
did with these suggestions.

### Outdated references

Document references `draft-ietf-tcpm-accurate-ecn-23`, but `-24` is the latest
available revision.

Document references `draft-ietf-tsvwg-udp-options-19`, but `-20` is the latest
available revision.

### Grammar/style

#### "Table of Contents", paragraph 1
headers (e.g. TCP sequence and acknowledgment numbers) to allow for quantitat
Do not mix variants of the same word ("acknowledgment" and "acknowledgement")
within a single text.

#### Section 1, paragraph 2
ination. Each technique uses a small number of bits and exposes a specific m
Specify a number, remove phrase, use "a few", or use "some".

#### Section 1, paragraph 2
this document proposes adding a small number of dedicated measurement bits to
Specify a number, remove phrase, use "a few", or use "some".

#### Section 2.1, paragraph 7
on. The delay sample lifetime is comprised of two phases: initialization and
Did you mean "comprises" or "consists of" or "is composed of"?

#### Section 2.2.1, paragraph 5
used to produce a delay measure. Therefore the value of T_Max must also be k
A comma may be missing after the conjunctive/linking adverb "Therefore".

#### Section, paragraph 1
Therefore, recommendations in section Section apply equally to impro
Possible typo: you repeated a word.

#### Section, paragraph 1
unting packets in this direction with a E bit equal to 1. The upstream CE-ma
Use "an" instead of "a" if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g.
"an article", "an hour".

#### Section, paragraph 4
 header, the available metrics using an unidirectional or bidirectional obse
Use "a" instead of "an" if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound,
e.g. "a sentence", "a university".

#### Section, paragraph 6
 4 bits, i.e. QL or QR + SD, allow to have more complete and resilient measur
Did you mean "having"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice,
"allow" + "to" takes an object, usually a pronoun.

#### Section 3.5, paragraph 1
various situations. The choice of the the methods also depends on the specif
Possible typo: you repeated a word.

## Notes

This review is in the ["IETF Comments" Markdown format][ICMF], You can use the
[`ietf-comments` tool][ICT] to automatically convert this review into
individual GitHub issues. Review generated by the [`ietf-reviewtool`][IRT].

[ICMF]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments/blob/main/format.md
[ICT]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments
[IRT]: https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool