[L2sm] R: Ben Campbell's No Objection on draft-ietf-l2sm-l2vpn-service-model-09: (with COMMENT)

Fioccola Giuseppe <giuseppe.fioccola@telecomitalia.it> Wed, 04 April 2018 13:14 UTC

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From: Fioccola Giuseppe <giuseppe.fioccola@telecomitalia.it>
To: Ben Campbell <ben@nostrum.com>, The IESG <iesg@ietf.org>
CC: "adrian@olddog.co.uk" <adrian@olddog.co.uk>, "draft-ietf-l2sm-l2vpn-service-model@ietf.org" <draft-ietf-l2sm-l2vpn-service-model@ietf.org>, "l2sm-chairs@ietf.org" <l2sm-chairs@ietf.org>, "l2sm@ietf.org" <l2sm@ietf.org>
Thread-Topic: [L2sm] Ben Campbell's No Objection on draft-ietf-l2sm-l2vpn-service-model-09: (with COMMENT)
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Date: Wed, 4 Apr 2018 13:14:52 +0000
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Subject: [L2sm] R: Ben Campbell's No Objection on draft-ietf-l2sm-l2vpn-service-model-09: (with COMMENT)
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Hi Ben,
Thank you! We will include your editorial comments in the next revision.

Best regards,

Giuseppe

-----Messaggio originale-----
Da: L2sm [mailto:l2sm-bounces@ietf.org] Per conto di Ben Campbell
Inviato: mercoledì 4 aprile 2018 04:19
A: The IESG
Cc: adrian@olddog.co.uk; draft-ietf-l2sm-l2vpn-service-model@ietf.org; l2sm-chairs@ietf.org; l2sm@ietf.org
Oggetto: [L2sm] Ben Campbell's No Objection on draft-ietf-l2sm-l2vpn-service-model-09: (with COMMENT)

Ben Campbell has entered the following ballot position for
draft-ietf-l2sm-l2vpn-service-model-09: No Objection

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The document, along with other ballot positions, can be found here:
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----------------------------------------------------------------------
COMMENT:
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Just a few editorial comments:

Abstract: The abstract seems overly long and detailed. In particular, the 2nd paragraph is not very meaningful without the elaborations later in the body of the document. It should probably be removed from the abstract, or at least reduced to the last two sentences.

§1: Paragraph 1 needs elaboration. Paragraph 4 provides that elaboration. I suggest keeping them together rather than separate them with other paragraphs that are only loosely related.  (If it were me, I would remove all but the first sentence of the first paragraph to just before paragraph 4.)

§3.1, 2nd bullet s/psedowires/pseudowires  (2 times)

§4: This section would benefit from a definition (or citation to a definition) of "orchestration", especially to distinguish between "service orchestration"
and "network orchestration". (It may be that the target audience all knows the terms, but it's been my experience that everyone thinks they know what "orchestration" means, but they often do not agree on the definition. )


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