Re: [Last-Call] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-dots-telemetry-use-cases-11

[Lars Eggert <[e-mail]>]

Peter, thank you for your review. I have entered a No Objection ballot for this document.

Lars


> On 2022-9-21, at 8:54, Peter Yee via Datatracker <[e-mail]> wrote:
> 
> Reviewer: Peter Yee
> Review result: Ready with Nits
> 
> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
> Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
> by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
> like any other last call comments.
> 
> For more information, please see the FAQ at
> 
> <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>.
> 
> Document: draft-ietf-dots-telemetry-use-cases-11
> Reviewer: Peter Yee
> Review Date: 2022-09-20
> IETF LC End Date: 2022-09-20
> IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat
> 
> Summary: This document gives use cases showing how RFC 9244 can be employed for
> to convey DOTS telemetry. It seems perfectly fine as an informational adjunct
> to RFC 9244, giving more involved examples.
> 
> Major issues: None.
> 
> Minor issues: None.
> 
> Nits/editorial comments:
> 
> Page 3, section 3, 1st paragraph: insert “the” before “DOTS telemetry
> specifications” and change “specifications” to “specification”.
> 
> Page 4, section 3.1.1, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: delete “such”. Change “is”
> to “are”.
> 
> Page 4, section 3.1.1, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “recent” to
> “recently”. Change “Tps” to “Tbps”, unless you believe that 1 transaction per
> second is a lot of traffic. One tablespoon might be. ;-)
> 
> Page 7, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “identifies” to “identify”. Change
> “of” to “about”.
> 
> Page 7, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete the first two commas (bracketing
> “then”).
> 
> Page 7, section 3.1.2, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “under attack time”
> to “at the time of an attack”.
> 
> Page 9, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “of” to “on”.
> 
> Page 9, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: delete “each”.
> 
> Page 9, 1st paragraph, 5th sentence: change “atribute” to “attribute”.
> 
> Page 10, section 3.1.3, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: delete “an”.
> 
> Page 12, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “of” to “about”. Delete “a” after
> “using”.
> 
> Page 12, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete “On the other hands,” and
> capitalize the ‘t’ in “the”. Insert “the” before “volume”.
> 
> Page 12, section 3.1.4, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: delete the comma after
> “Short”. Change “internet” to “Internet”.
> 
> Page 12, section 3.1.4, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: considering inserting
> “salient” before “feature”. Insert “it” before “start” and change “start” to
> “starts”. Change “go” to “goes” in both occurrences in the sentence. Insert
> “then” before “ back to maximum”.
> 
> Page 12, section 3.1.4, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete “for them”. Insert
> “such” before “an attack”. Change “by” to “using a”. Change “it” to “this”.
> 
> Page 12, section 3.1.4, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “the” before
> “attack traffic”.
> 
> Page 14, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: change “rate-limit” to “rate-limiting of”.
> 
> Page 14, 2nd paragraph: change “gatherd” to “gathered”.
> 
> Page 15, section 3.1.5, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: change “suspecious” to
> “suspicious”.
> 
> Page 15, section 3.1.5, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: delete “an”.
> 
> Page 15, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “as below” to “that”.
> 
> Page 15, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: add a comma after “total attack
> connection”.
> 
> Page 17, Figure 11: change “vulnerbilities” to “vulnerabilities” twice.
> 
> Page 19, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: delete the two commas bracketing “then”.
> Change the first space after “e.g.” to a comma.
> 
> Page 19, section 3.2, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “counter measure” to
> “countermeasure”.
> 
> Page 19, section 3.2, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: change “counter measure” to
> “countermeasures” (note the plural).
> 
> Page 19, section 3.2, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: append a comma after
> “”total attack traffic percentiles”. Change “detail” to “details”.
> 
> Page 21, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “the” before
> “total-pipe-capacity”. Insert “the” before “DOTS”.
> 
> Page 22, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change “mitugation” to “mitigation”.
> 
> Page 22, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change “reports” to “report”.
> 
> Page 22, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “system” to “systems”, presuming
> that there can be more than one DMS reporting to the orchestrator. For the
> words “sends them”, what does “them” mean? I’m assuming that the orchestrator
> creates a single, integrated, deduplicated report, so I’m not sure what “them”
> is.
> 
> Page 22, section 3.3.1, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change “internet” to
> “Internet”.
> 
> Page 22, section 3.3.1, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete “On the other hand,”
> 
> Page 22, section 3.3.1, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: on the assumption that
> multiple flow connectors are allowed, as shown in Figure 16: change
> “collector’s” to “collectors’”.
> 
> Page 22, section 3.3.1, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “collector” to
> “collectors” on the same assumption as the previous comment. If that assumption
> is incorrect, ignore both comments. Also considering changing the figure to
> have a single flow collector shown in that case.
> 
> Page 25, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete the two commas bracketing “then”.
> 
> Page 25, section 3.3.2, 2nd sentence: insert “a” or “the” before “baseline”.
> Insert “the” before “DMSes”.
> 
> Page 25, section 3.3.2, 3rd sentence: change “collector” to “collectors”.
> 
> Page 25, Figure 18: I’m not sure what “[ Dst ]” means. It doesn’t appear
> elsewhere in this specification or in RFC 9244. Perhaps “destination”?
> 
> Page 26, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: I can’t parse this sentence. Consider
> rewriting it.
> 
> 
> 
> --
> last-call mailing list
> [e-mail]
> https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/last-call