Re: [netconf] [yang-doctors] Yangdoctors last call review of draft-ietf-netconf-sztp-csr-02

"Joe Clarke (jclarke)" <jclarke@cisco.com> Tue, 15 June 2021 20:49 UTC

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From: "Joe Clarke (jclarke)" <jclarke@cisco.com>
To: Kent Watsen <kent@watsen.net>
CC: YANG Doctors <yang-doctors@ietf.org>, "last-call@ietf.org" <last-call@ietf.org>, "draft-ietf-netconf-sztp-csr.all@ietf.org" <draft-ietf-netconf-sztp-csr.all@ietf.org>, "netconf@ietf.org" <netconf@ietf.org>, Russ Housley <housley@vigilsec.com>, Sean Turner <sean@sn3rd.com>
Thread-Topic: [yang-doctors] Yangdoctors last call review of draft-ietf-netconf-sztp-csr-02
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Subject: Re: [netconf] [yang-doctors] Yangdoctors last call review of draft-ietf-netconf-sztp-csr-02
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===

Section 2.2

You have this text: Some implementation may choose to convey it inside a script
(e.g., SZTP's "pre-configuration-script")

I'd like to see a reference to RFC 8572 here on where this is defined.  I
realize I'm being pedantic here, but there are a number of SZTP documents, and
I think having a reference helps.

I added the sentence "SZTP onboarding information is described in Section 2.2 of [RFC8572].”  to the end of that paragraph.  Is this what you had in mind?

Perfect.  That's exactly what I was looking for.

===

Module's main description:

You mention SZTP's 'onboarding-information' response, but this isn't a formal
YANG node.  That node is conveyed-information.  Is it worth clarifying that
here in the module description like you did in draft text in section 2.2?  I
have the same comment in the description of "container csr".  The quoted and
hyphenated "onboarding-information" might make one think that there is a node
that contains this.

'onboarding-information’ *is* a formal node - it is described here: https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/html/rfc8572#section-2.2.

Just the same, I converted “ ‘onboarding-information’ ” to “onboarding information” (without the hyphen or single quotes, as it is also defined as a term that way in RFC 8572.

The clarification "onboarding-information" (encoded inside the "conveyed-information" node)" found in 2.2 was/is to help the reader with the following example snippet that doesn’t actually show the "onboarding-information” node because it is hidden inside the “base64encodedvalue==“ value.  Makes sense?

   {
     "ietf-sztp-bootstrap-server:output" : {
       "reporting-level": "verbose",
       "conveyed-information": “base64encodedvalue =="
     }
   }

Ah, I had my head buried in the YANG modules, and I didn't read the RFC8572 text closely enough.  I had missed the "conveyed-info" module.  Regardless, I think the module update is fine.


In leaf cert-req-info's description:

The word “another” (with respect to the 400 Server Error) doesn’t follow here
unless one refers to the csr-support presence container above.  I think
dropping it might make this text a bit less confusing (or copying similar text
from the csr-support node’s description.

Replaced “another 400 (Bad Request) response” with "a 400 (Bad Request) response containingvanother 'request-info' structure.”

Better?

Yes.  Well, it's better in the diff.  You have a typo above :-).

Thanks!

Joe