Re: [netmod] AD review of draft-ietf-netmod-geo-location-07
"Rob Wilton (rwilton)" <rwilton@cisco.com> Tue, 13 April 2021 10:08 UTC
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From: "Rob Wilton (rwilton)" <rwilton@cisco.com>
To: Christian Hopps <chopps@chopps.org>
CC: "netmod@ietf.org" <netmod@ietf.org>, "draft-ietf-netmod-geo-location.all@ietf.org" <draft-ietf-netmod-geo-location.all@ietf.org>
Thread-Topic: AD review of draft-ietf-netmod-geo-location-07
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Date: Tue, 13 Apr 2021 10:08:20 +0000
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Archived-At: <https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/netmod/BeVWqoqWMuR8quCcwaDCRW86GUw>
Subject: Re: [netmod] AD review of draft-ietf-netmod-geo-location-07
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Hi Chris, > -----Original Message----- > From: Christian Hopps <chopps@chopps.org> > Sent: 13 April 2021 03:38 > To: Rob Wilton (rwilton) <rwilton@cisco.com> > Cc: Christian Hopps <chopps@chopps.org>; netmod@ietf.org; draft-ietf- > netmod-geo-location.all@ietf.org > Subject: Re: AD review of draft-ietf-netmod-geo-location-07 > > > > > On Mar 7, 2021, at 3:48 PM, Rob Wilton (rwilton) <rwilton@cisco.com> > wrote: > > > > Hi Chris, > > > > Apologies for the delayed AD review of this document. > > > > I found that this document to be interesting, enlightening, and well > written, so thank you. > > > > > > I only have a few minor comments, the rest are grammatical nits. Some I > spotted manually; the rest are from a beta version of a grammar tool that > I am playing with. > > > > Minor comments/questions: > > > > 1. > > In the YANG module, the pattern statements have 3 ranges of characters, > > but the description only indicates two ranges. Is there a reason that > > the following pattern doesn't work? > > pattern '[ -@\[-~]*'; > > From an old email on the list: "These 3 ranges seem to make pyang happy. I > don't know why I need to break up the second range into 2 adjacent ranges > like that to make pyang not complain, but complain it does if I just use: > '[ -@\[-~]*'" [RW] Okay. > > > 2. > > I note that the YANG module allows just a lat, or a long, or a height > > to be specified, rather than requiring at least a pair of lat/long or > > x/y coordinates. I think that this is fine (and keeps the model > > flexible), but wanted to check that this is the intentional. > > > 3. > > I also note that that grouping doesn't require that any coordinates be > > specified at all. I presume that this is intentional, it makes sense > > to me (e.g., if it is intended to be optional). > > My answer to a thread on the list asking for removal of some of the > mandatory designations which cause problems: > > "The intention was for a location node to be required if the <geo- > location> container was present. Apparently this will only work if > "container geo-lcoation" is a presence container. I'm not even sure that's > all that smart of a requirement (e.g., maybe someone just wants to > indicate the reference-frame for an object). I'll remove the mandatory > from location." [RW] Okay. > > > > 4. In the YANG module, > > "v-east is the rate of change (i.e., speed) perpendicular > > to truth-north as defined by the geodetic-system."; > > > > As a nit, this doesn't actually define whether a positive v-east > > value is in the East or West direction. I appreciate that this is > > obvious, but for the other two components in the vector, it is > > unambiguously specified. > > How about: > > "v-east is the rate of change (i.e., speed) perpendicular > to the right of truth-north as defined by > the geodetic-system."; [RW] LGTM. > > > > > > 5. > > In Security Considerations: > > > > Since the grouping defined in this module identifies locations, > > authors using this grouping SHOULD consider any privacy issues that > > may arise when the data is readable. > > > > Perhaps, expand this paragraph to give an example, e.g., revealing > > the physical location of a device, or data center. > > How about: > > "Since the grouping defined in this module identifies locations, > authors using this grouping SHOULD consider any privacy issues > that may arise when the data is readable (e.g., customer device > locations, etc)." [RW] LGTM. > > > > > > The rest are just grammar nits: > > > > > > In addition to identifying the astronomical body we also need to > > define the meaning of the coordinates > > => > > In addition to identifying the astronomical body, we also need to > > define the meaning of the coordinates > > fixed > > > > > In addition to the "geodetic-datum" value we allow refining the > > coordinate and height accuracy using "coord-accuracy" and "height- > > accuracy" respectively. > > => > > In addition to the "geodetic-datum" value, we allow refinement of the > > coordinate and height accuracy using "coord-accuracy" and "height- > > accuracy" respectively. > > fixed > > > This is the location on or relative to the astronomical object. It > > is specified using 2 or 3 coordinates values. > > => > > This is the location on, or relative to, the astronomical object. It > > is specified using 2 or 3 coordinates values. > > fixed > > > The intent of the grouping being defined here is to identify > > where something is located, and generally this is expected to be > > somewhere on or relative to Earth (or another astronomical body). > > => > > The intent of the grouping being defined here is to identify > > where something is located, and generally this is expected to be > > somewhere on, or relative to, Earth (or another astronomical body). > > fixed > > > At > > least two options are available to YANG models that wish to use this > > grouping with objects that are changing location frequently in non- > > simple ways, they can add additional motion data to their model > > directly, or if the application allows it can require more frequent > > queries to keep the location data current. > > => > > At > > least two options are available to YANG models that wish to use this > > grouping with objects that are changing location frequently in non- > > simple ways. They can add additional motion data to their model > > directly. Or, if the application allows, it can require more frequent > > queries to keep the location data current. > > fixed > > > When coord-accuracy is specified it overrides the geodetic-datum implied > > accuracy. > > => > > When coord-accuracy is specified, it overrides the geodetic-datum > implied > > accuracy. > > fixed > > > > > When specified it overrides the geodetic-datum implied default. > > => > > When specified, it overrides the geodetic-datum implied default. > > fixed > > > indicated by the reference-frame value. > > => > > indicated by the reference-frame. > > fixed > > > For a formula to convert these values to speed and heading see > > this modules defining document RFC XXXX."; > > => > > For a formula to convert these values to speed and heading see > > RFC XXXX."; > > fixed > > > You have "truth-north" and "truth north" and "true-north". Should > > these all be "true north"? > > fixed > > > > > YANG grouping using decimal64 values rather than strings. For the > > relative height cases the application doing the transformation is > > expected to have the data available to transform the relative height > > into an absolute height which can then be expressed using the YANG > > grouping. > > => > > YANG grouping using decimal64 values rather than strings. For the > > relative height cases, the application doing the transformation is > > expected to have the data available to transform the relative height > > into an absolute height, which can then be expressed using the YANG > > grouping. > > fixed > > > Grammar Warnings (generated by a tool): > > Draft Text: > > Indeed it is easy to imagine a network or device located on The Moon, on > Mars, on Enceladus (the moon of Saturn) or even a comet (e.g., > 67p/churyumov-gerasimenko). > > > > Warning: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb? > > Suggested change: "Indeed," > > fixed > > > > > Draft Text: > > This document defines a "geo-location" YANG grouping that allows for all > of the above data to be captured. > > > > Warning: Consider using all the. > > Suggested change: "all the" > > fixed > > > Draft Text: > > When specified these values override the defaults implied by the > "geodetic-datum" value. > > > > Warning: "When" at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd > clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the > sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence. > > Suggested change: "When specified, " > > fixed > > > Draft Text: > > In both choices the exact meanings of all of the values are defined by > the "geodetic-datum" value in the [xref]. > > > > Warning: Consider using all the. > > Suggested change: "all the" > > fixed > > > Draft Text: > > During the development of this module, the question of whether it would > support data such as orientation arose. > > Warning: Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase. > > Suggested change: "whether" > > ? [RW] Ignore. > > > > > Draft Text: > > For test "A.1.2.1" the YANG geo location object either includes a CRS > ("reference-frame") or has a default defined ([xref]). > > > > Warning: This word is normally spelled as one. > > Suggested change: "geolocation" > > unchanged. > > > Draft Text: > > Many systems make use of geo-location data, and so it's important to be > able describe this data using this geo-location object defined in this > document. > > > > Warning: The preposition 'to' is required in front of the verb > 'describe'. > > Suggested change: "able to describe" > > Removed this paragraph it's unneeded and not very clear. > > > > > Draft Text: > > For accuracy it has a single "u" parameter for specifying uncertainty. > > Warning: The comma is probably missing here: accuracy, it. > > Suggested change: "accuracy, it" > > fixed > > > Draft Text: > > This is used by many application (e.g., Google Maps API). > > > > Warning: Possible agreement error. The noun application seems to be > countable; consider using: many applications. > > Suggested change: "many applications" > > fixed > > > Draft Text: > > Thus GML "gml:pos" values can be mapped directly to the YANG grouping, > with the caveat that some loss of precision (in the extremes) may occur > due to the YANG grouping using decimal64 values rather than doubles. > > > > Warning: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb? > > Suggested change: "Thus," > > fixed > > > Draft Text: > > Furthermore "gml:validTime" can either be an Instantaneous measure > ("gml:TimeInstant") or a time period ("gml:TimePeriod"). > > Warning: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb? > > Suggested change: "Furthermore," > > fixed > > > Draft Text: > > As with the "kml:altitudeMode" value, the YANG grouping supports the > ignore case but not the relative case. > > > > Warning: After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of > 'ignore' is correct. If 'ignore' is the first word in a compound > adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message > can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in > standard English. > > I think it just wants me to hyphenate "ignore-case". "ignore" is an > adjective here "case" is the noun. *shrug*, I think it reads fine the way > it is for a technical document. [RW] Yes, please just ignore. The tool isn't perfect. > > > Draft Text: > > Thus the YANG grouping and KML values can be directly mapped in both > directions (when using a supported altitude mode) with the caveat that > some loss of precision (in the extremes) may occur due to the YANG > grouping using decimal64 values rather than strings. > > Warning: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb? > > Suggested change: "Thus," > > fixed > > > Draft Text: > > The allocation policy for this registry is First Come First Served, > [xref] as the intent is simply to avoid duplicate values. > > > > Warning: It seems that a comma is missing. > > Suggested change: "Come," > > fixed > > > Draft Text: > > All of the data nodes defined in this YANG module are > writable/creatable/deletable (i.e., "config true", which is the default). > > Warning: Consider using all the. > > Suggested change: "All the" > > fixed > > > Draft Text: > > These are the subtrees and data nodes and their > sensitivity/vulnerability: > > None of the writable/creatable/deletable data nodes in the YANG module > defined in this document are by themselves considered more sensitive or > vulnerable then standard configuration. > > > > Warning: Did you mean than? > > Suggested change: "than" > > fixed > > > Draft Text: > > Some of the readable data nodes in this YANG module may be considered > sensitive or vulnerable in some network environments. > > Warning: If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. > > Suggested change: "Some" > > I think it's correct to leave this, but I could be misunderstanding the > advice. [RW] I think that either is probably fine/correct. > > > Draft Text: > > Below is a the YANG tree for the fictitious module that uses the geo- > location grouping. > > > > Warning: Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only a or the > is left. > > Suggested change: "a" > > fixed with "the" only. > > > > > Draft Text: > > We would also like to thank Peter Lothberg for the motivation as well as > help in defining a broadly useful geographic location object, and Acee > Lindem and Qin Wu for their work on a geographic location object that led > to this documents creation. > > > > Warning: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean documents' > or document's? > > Suggested change: "documents'" > > fixed. > > Nice tool! [RW] Thanks. It needs a bit more time and work, but the hope is that it can be an easy webtool that can be used by authors to help check the grammar/spelling in their drafts. I don't want it to be an id-nits style gatekeeper tool, because as you have seen, some of the warnings/suggestions are somewhat arbitrary. Also, the real credit goes to an open source grammar tool (dev.languagetool.org) that is doing all the heavy lifting. Thanks, Rob > > Thanks, > Chris. > > > > > > Regards, > > Rob > >
- [netmod] AD review of draft-ietf-netmod-geo-locat… Rob Wilton (rwilton)
- Re: [netmod] AD review of draft-ietf-netmod-geo-l… Christian Hopps
- Re: [netmod] AD review of draft-ietf-netmod-geo-l… Rob Wilton (rwilton)
- Re: [netmod] AD review of draft-ietf-netmod-geo-l… Christian Hopps
- Re: [netmod] AD review of draft-ietf-netmod-geo-l… Rob Wilton (rwilton)