Re: [OPSAWG] Fwd: New Version Notification for draft-ietf-opsawg-mud-21.txt

[Joe Clarke <[e-mail]>]

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On 5/17/18 11:36, Eliot Lear wrote:
> Hi everyone,
> 
> This draft is intended to address all IESG comments.  Thanks to the
> IESG and reviewers for their contributions.  A summary of the
> changes is below, but people may wish to do a side by side review.

Thanks for working with the IESG to resolve the major comments.

I have a few additional on this draft.

Section 1.7

s/URL that the thing emitted/URL that the Thing emitted/

===

Section 2.1

You changed container "mud" to component "mud" here likely to be
consistent with the use of component in the other two bullets.
However, because "mud" is quoted, it seems like you are directly
referring to the mud container in the YANG model.  Maybe drop the
"mud" or say:

the first component, the "mud" container, ...

===

Section 4.6

s/each every/each and every/

===

Section 4.8

s/This MUST only applied to TCP.  this/This only applies to TCP.  This/

Not sure if that's what you want to say.

===

Section 7

You didn't bump the revision with this YANG module update.  This can
mess up some tooling we have.  Can I ask that you bump this at least
once before final publication?

===

Section 7

I'm not a YANG doctor, but I see formatting inconsistencies in this
module.  It would benefit from running it through pyang -f yang to
normalize the formatting.

===

Section 8.3

The same is true here.  A pyang -f yang will normalize the formatting.

===

Section 9

Suggestion to add documentation to your example MUD file just to hint
at this being a good behavior for the benefit of admins.

===

Section 13

s/To insure that/To ensure that/

===

Section 13.2

s/that the verification step match/that the verification step matches/

===

Section 15

s/alloewed/allowed/

===

Section 16

s/occured/occurred/

===

Section 17.1

s/registred/registered/

===

Appendix B

s/overriden/overridden/

Joe

> 
> Eliot
> 
> 
> * Small edits to the abstract * Clarity in the introduction that
> the focus is on protecting the device. * Many grammatical/wording
> improvements * Clarity when MUD is most effective. * MUD controller
> -> MUD manager * Normative language boiler plate change * Clarity
> on what should happen when a MUD manager can't reach a MUD file
> server * A few reference updates * Clarity on the validity time of
> a MUD file * Added references to RFCs 5911 and 5912 for SMI
> changes * one additional data element (documentation) * one change
> based on an update to the ACL model during its last call *
> Subsection numbering for node descriptions. * Improved text around
> "controller", direction-initiated. * Simplified MUD-URL text. *
> Optional reserved space added to DHCP, LLDP options * Simplified
> DHCP processing. * A new certificate field to bind the manufacturer
> certificate to the mud signer. * A content type definition for the
> SMI. * Updated security considerations.
> 
> 

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