Re: [quicwg/base-drafts] First tranche of EKR's editorial pass, through 7.3.2 (#2087)

[janaiyengar <[e-mail]>]

janaiyengar commented on this pull request.



>  operating systems and middleboxes.  QUIC authenticates all of its headers and
-encrypts most of the data it exchanges, including its signaling, to avoid
+encrypts most of the data it exchanges -- including its signaling -- to avoid

We're using hyphens instead of em-dashes... I used to write em-dashes, but @martinthomson normalized it all to hyphens, so he'll have to explain :-)

That said, I think commas seem more appropriate here. Ultimately, I suspect the RFC-Editor will want to say something here.

> @@ -383,7 +383,7 @@ data to a peer.
 ~~~
        o
        | Create Stream (Sending)
-       | Create Bidirectional Stream (Receiving)
+       | Remote Creates Bidirectional Stream

Change the text below as well, for transition from Ready to Send

>  that sends a STOP_SENDING frame can ignore the error code carried in any
 RESET_STREAM frame it receives.
 
 If the STOP_SENDING frame is received on a send stream that is already in the
-"Data Sent" state, a RESET_STREAM frame MAY still be sent in order to cancel
-retransmissions of previously-sent STREAM frames.
+"Data Sent" state, an endpoint which wishes to cease retransmission of

```suggestion
"Data Sent" state, an endpoint that wishes to cease retransmission of
```

>  connection to be delivered to the wrong endpoint.  Each endpoint selects
 connection IDs using an implementation-specific (and perhaps
 deployment-specific) method which will allow packets with that connection ID to
 be routed back to the endpoint and identified by the endpoint upon receipt.
 
-Connection IDs MUST NOT contain any information that can be used to correlate
+Connection IDs MUST NOT contain any information that can be used by to correlate

```suggestion
Connection IDs MUST NOT contain any information that can be used by an external observer to correlate
```

> @@ -1337,7 +1339,8 @@ Source Connection IDs during the handshake.
 On first receiving an Initial or Retry packet from the server, the client uses
 the Source Connection ID supplied by the server as the Destination Connection ID
 for subsequent packets.  That means that a client might change the Destination
-Connection ID twice during connection establishment.  Once a client has received
+Connection ID twice during connection establishment, once in response to a
+Retry and once in response to the server's Initial. Once a client has received

```suggestion
Retry and once in response to the server's Initial packet. Once a client has received
```

> @@ -1377,7 +1380,8 @@ of duplicate transport parameters as a connection error of type
 TRANSPORT_PARAMETER_ERROR.
 
 A server MUST include the original_connection_id transport parameter
-({{transport-parameter-definitions}}) if it sent a Retry packet.
+({{transport-parameter-definitions}}) if it sent a Retry packet, in
+order to enable validation of the Retry, as described in {{packet-retry}}.

remove "in order"

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