[RADIR] draft-narten-radir-problem-statement-05 editorials

Alfred Hönes <ah@TR-Sys.de> Mon, 27 September 2010 16:29 UTC

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Subject: [RADIR] draft-narten-radir-problem-statement-05 editorials
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Hello,
the recent submission of several drafts that came on my radar
and referenced  draft-narten-radir-problem-statement-05
has caused me to also review that memo, although it formally
now has expired -- I guess/hope that it will be pursued further
and that the below editorial comments will be still useful.
(I found that likely my age-old comments on an early version
have been missed, but that essentially doesn't matter.)

Overall, that memo seems to be in a good shape, and I only want
to mention the nits below.


(1)  Section 3, first bullet

Apparently, "increasing" is missing  in the second line and should
be added as follows:

   o  The number of individual prefixes that are being propagated into
|     the DFZ over time has been and continues to increase at a faster-
      than-linear rate.  [...]
---
   o  The number of individual prefixes that are being propagated into
|     the DFZ over time has been increasing and continues to increase at
      a faster-than-linear rate.  [...]

(2)  Section 3, last para

I see no need for the hyphen in "upper-bound".

(3)  Section 3.3, 1st para

Missing "to" :

   Today's growth pattern is influenced by the scaling properties of the
   current routing system.  If the routing system had better scaling
|  properties, we would be able support and enable more widespread usage
   of such services as multihoming and traffic engineering.  [...]
---
   Today's growth pattern is influenced by the scaling properties of the
   current routing system.  If the routing system had better scaling
|  properties, we would be able to support and enable more widespread
   usage of such services as multihoming and traffic engineering.  [...]

(4)  Section 3.3, 2nd para

Missing indefinite article (IMO):

    ... there is misalignment of incentives ...
---
    ... there is a misalignment of incentives ...


(5)  Section 4.1, 2nd para

AFAICT, "IGP" stands for "Interior Gateway Protocol", so please change
"internal interial gateway protocol" to this term.

Maybe you might want to say:
   ... by internally using Interior Gateway Protocol (IGP) metrics ...

(6)  Section 4.1, punctuation in bullets

Since all 3 bullets start with a lowercase initial, I suggest
to add a trailing comma or semicolon to the first two bullets,
and a trailing period to the last bullet.

(7)  Section 4.4, 1st para -- typo

s/unaggragatable/unaggregatable/
        ^              ^

(8)  Section 4.5, last para

This paragraph contains two spurious words, apparently unadvertently
left in there during the last edit.  Please correct:

|  In IPv6, its vast address space allows for a much a greater emphasis
         vvvvvvvvvvvvv                        ^^^^^^^^
|  to be placed placed on preserving future aggregation than was
   possible in IPv4.
---
|  In IPv6, its vast address space allows for a much greater emphasis to
|  be placed on preserving future aggregation than was possible in IPv4.

(9)  Section 4.6, last para

I suggest to replace the two instances of "Internet table" by
"Internet routing table".

(In case of a ducument update, you also might want to use more current
 figures from the routing table statistics, throughout the section.)

(10)  Section 4.7, 2nd para

I suggest to use hyphenation:

     s/fine grained control of traffic/fine-grained control of traffic/
           ^                               ^

(11)  Section 5.1

There is a singular/plural mismatch:

    As the number of possible paths increase, ...
---                                         v
    As the number of possible paths increases, ...

(12)  Section 5.4.3, 2nd para

In the last sentence, I suggest to replace the comma in front of "hence"
by a semicolon:

                                      [...]  Finally, leaking routes
   unnecessarily does not generally harm those responsible for the
|  misconfiguration, hence, there may be little incentive to change such
   behavior.
---                ^
                                      [...]  Finally, leaking routes
   unnecessarily does not generally harm those responsible for the
|  misconfiguration; hence, there may be little incentive to change such
   behavior.

(13)  Section 5.5

In a similarly structured sentence, I suggest adding a comma:

   [...]
|  own prefix directly into the global routing system; instead their
   address block would be covered by their provider's aggregate.  [...]
---                                                           v
|  own prefix directly into the global routing system; instead, their
   address block would be covered by their provider's aggregate.  [...]

(14)  Section 6, punctuation in bullets

All the bullets in Section 6 start with a capital, but only some
are terminated wit a trailing period.  I suggest to add trailing
periods to the remaining bullets:   2A, 3, 4, 6 .

(15)  Section 6, last para

There is another singular/plural mismatch:

    s/via a care-of addresses./via care-of addresses./
         ^^^                      ^

(16)  Section 9, last line

I strongly suspect that the first email addres given should _not_ be
"rrg@iab.org" , but instead  "rrg@irtf.org" .


(17)  Section 10

For completeness, I'd like to point out that RFC 3344 will soon be
obsoleted by RFC 5944; so please pay attention on the RFC Editor
queue output and, if appropriate, update the reference accordingly.


Kind regards,
  Alfred Hönes.

-- 

+------------------------+--------------------------------------------+
| TR-Sys Alfred Hoenes   |  Alfred Hoenes   Dipl.-Math., Dipl.-Phys.  |
| Gerlinger Strasse 12   |  Phone: (+49)7156/9635-0, Fax: -18         |
| D-71254  Ditzingen     |  E-Mail:  ah@TR-Sys.de                     |
+------------------------+--------------------------------------------+