[Roll] draft-ietf-roll-applicability-ami-13.txt

"Susan Hares" <shares@ndzh.com> Thu, 05 May 2016 08:46 UTC

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From: "Susan Hares" <shares@ndzh.com>
To: <draft-ietf-roll-applicability-ami@ietf.org>
Date: Thu, 5 May 2016 04:46:06 -0400
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Cc: 'Joel jaeggli' <joelja@bogus.com>, 'Gunter Van De Velde' <guntervandeveldecc@icloud.com>, ops-dir@ietf.org, 'Benoit Claise' <bclaise@cisco.com>, roll@ietf.org
Subject: [Roll] draft-ietf-roll-applicability-ami-13.txt
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Nancy, Jonathan, Daniel: 

 

I have reviewed this document as part of the Operational directorate's
ongoing effort to review all IETF documents being processed by the IESG.
These  comments were written with the intent of improving the operational
aspects of the 

IETF drafts. Comments that are not addressed in last call may be included in
AD reviews during the IESG review.  Document editors and WG chairs should
treat these comments just like any other last call comments.

 

Status of draft:  Ready for publication.   A few editorial nits found

 

Editorial nits: 

 

#1 p 7 in 4.1 paragraph 1 

 

Old/the frequency of large file transfers, e.g., firmware download of all
metering devices, is typically much lower than the frequency of sending
configuration messages or queries. /

 

New / Old/the frequency of large file transfers (e.g., firmware download of
all metering devices) is typically much lower than the frequency of sending
configuration messages or queries. /

 

Why: use of the (e.g... ) should be common across paragraph. 

 

#2 p. 11 Concerned about RFCs text in 7.1.3

 

"Additional metrics may be defined in companion RFCs." 

Editorial comment:  Is this really a statement for an RFCs?  This sentence
may be sufficient, but it seemed a bit odd. 

 

#3 p. 12 section 7.1.4 - same statement as in 7.1.3 

 

#4 p. 14 section 7.2.2 paragraph 3 

 

Starting with "These include: Timetimeslotslotted channel. " 

 

Editorial comment: It would be wiser to use a hanging text for this list. 

 

Old/

   These include: Timetimeslotslotted channel hopping

   (TSCH), specifically designed for application domains such as process

   automation, Low latency deterministic networks (LLDN), for

   application domains such as factory automation, Deterministic and

   synchronous multi-channel extension (DSME), for general industrial

   and commercial application domains that includes Channel diversity to

   increase network robustness, and Asynchronous multi-channel

   adaptation (AMCA), for large infrastructure application domains.

/

New

These include: 

.         Timetimeslotslotted channel hopping  (TSCH):   specifically
designed for application domains such as process

automation, 

.         Low latency deterministic networks (LLDN):   for   application
domains such as factory automation,

.          Deterministic and synchronous multi-channel extension (DSME):
for general industrial and commercial application domains that includes
Channel diversity to increase network robustness, and 

.         Asynchronous multi-channel adaptation (AMCA):  for large
infrastructure application domains.

/