Re: [secdir] SECDIR Reveiw of draft-ietf-hip-dex-11

[Robert Moskowitz <[e-mail]>]

thanks I am overdue to finish my editing.

I will add these....

On 1/20/20 11:18 PM, Donald Eastlake wrote:
> I have reviewed this document as (a very late) part of the security
> directorate's ongoing effort to review all IETF documents being
> processed by the IESG.
>
> The summary of the review is Ready with Nits.
>
> Sorry to get this review in so late but, while approved by the IESG,
> the draft is still in revised draft needed state so this may do some
> good. On the security front, although the draft is pretty complex and
> I am not that familiar with HIP, I did not see any significant
> security issues that were not already called out in the draft. So I
> concentrated on possible editorial issues.
>
> Editorial:
>
> Section 1.1, 3rd paragraph, page 5. Delete "However," a the beginning
> of the 2nd sentence. It doesn't make sense.
>
> Section 2.3, Definitions should be in alphabetic order.
>
> Section 2.3: It seems to me that people who are puzzled about what
> something means are most likely to be puzzled by the acronym. So I
> would put the acronym first, where there is an acronym or acronym-like
> term to use, then the expansion in parenthesis or in the body of the
> definition. This done for a couple of entries like CMAC and CKDF but
> most are the other way.

Too much original cutting and pasting from multiple sources.  Good comment.


>
> Section 3 last paragraph and Section 12.10 5th bullet: "to use" -> "use of"
>
> I think OGA  and KEYMAT should be in the Definitions list and KEYMAT,
> which I assume just is short for "keying material", should be expanded
> on first use in Section 6.3. Alternatively, you could just replace all
> occurrences of KEYMAT with "Keying Material".
>
> Section 5.3.2, page 23. The first sentence of the first paragraph
> starting on that page has problems. Maybe "chose" should be "choses"
> but I'm not sure:
>    "The DH_GROUP_LIST parameter contains the Responder's order of
>     preference based on which the Responder chose the ECDH key contained
>     in the HOST_ID parameter (see below)."
>
> Appendix A, first sentence, "allows to identify" -> "allows identifying"
>
> Appendix B, "IEDG" -> "IESG"
>
> Appendix B, around the middle of page 51, right after the line
> beginning with "Section 6," there are three line with a blank line
> before and after. I found this confusing at first. I suggest those
> three line also be indented.
>
> Appendix B, page 52, "SHOUDS" -> "SHOUDs"
>
> Thanks,
> Donald
> ===============================
>   Donald E. Eastlake 3rd   [phone] (cell)
>   2386 Panoramic Circle, Apopka, FL 32703 USA
>   [e-mail]

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