Re: [Softwires] Last Call: <draft-ietf-softwire-dslite-yang-14.txt> (A YANG Data Module for Dual-Stack Lite (DS-Lite)) to Proposed Standard

["tom p." <[e-mail]>]

Med

Two thoughts.

You have a reference clause for RFC8343 which is good, but it does not
appear in the Reference section of the I-D which I think it should.  It
then needs to appear in the text part of the I-D lest you get a unused
reference warning, perhaps at the start of section 3, or else in section
2. (I like the approach of rfc7227bis which lists all the imports
together).

Second, when you say
"  Also, update this sentence with the RFC number to be assigned to this
   document:
   o  "RFC YYYY: A YANG Module for Network Address Translation (NAT) and
Network Prefix Translation (NPT)"
'this document' could be misread as
 draft-ietf-softwire-dslite-yang
rather than
 I-D.ietf-opsawg-nat-yang
I suggest replacing 'this document' by  ' ietf-opsawg-nat-yang'
I know, picky, but I like the RFC Editor to have to think as little as
possible so they can concentrate on what they do so well.

Tom Petch

----- Original Message -----
From: <[e-mail]>
Sent: Tuesday, February 27, 2018 7:13 AM

> Hi Tom,
>
> FWIW, an updated version which takes into account your review is
available online.
>
> The IETF datatracker status page for this draft is:
> https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-softwire-dslite-yang/
>
> A diff from the previous version is available at:
> https://www.ietf.org/rfcdiff?url2=draft-ietf-softwire-dslite-yang-15
>
> Cheers,
> Med
>
> > -----Message d'origine-----
> > De : [e-mail]
[mailto:[e-mail]]
> > Envoyé : mardi 20 février 2018 14:34
> > À : tom p.
> > Cc : [e-mail]; [e-mail];
softwire-
> > [e-mail]; [e-mail]; [e-mail];
[e-mail]
> > Objet : RE: Last Call: <draft-ietf-softwire-dslite-yang-14.txt> (A
YANG Data
> > Module for Dual-Stack Lite (DS-Lite)) to Proposed Standard
> >
> > Hi Tom,
> >
> > Thank you for the review and comments.
> >
> > Please see inline.
> >
> > Cheers,
> > Med
> >
> > > -----Message d'origine-----
> > > De : tom p. [mailto:[e-mail]]
> > > Envoyé : mardi 20 février 2018 12:07
> > > À : [e-mail]
> > > Cc : [e-mail]; [e-mail];
> > softwire-
> > > [e-mail]; [e-mail]; [e-mail]
> > > Objet : Re: Last Call: <draft-ietf-softwire-dslite-yang-14.txt> (A
YANG
> > Data
> > > Module for Dual-Stack Lite (DS-Lite)) to Proposed Standard
> > >
> > > Some minor, mostly administrative, details
> > >
> > > - The note to the RFC Editor asking them to replace XXXX is good.
I
> > > suggest  another asking them to update the dates in the file and
> > > revision clauses of the YANG module with the date of publication..
> >
> > [Med] Fixed in my local copy.
> >
> > >
> > > - Copyright is 2017
> >
> > [Med] Updated to 2018 in my local copy.
> >
> > >
> > > - the YANG module has six imports but no reference to where they
can be
> > > found.  I suggest adding a reference clause to each import, as in
e.g.
> > > draft-ietf-netmod-syslog-model,
> >
> > [Med] Happily. Done.
> >
> >
> >  and, since the reference clause cannot
> > > contain a XML style reference to the Reference section of the I-D,
a
> > > further mention of these I-D/RFC in the body of the I-D, again as
in
> > > e.g.
> > > draft-ietf-netmod-syslog-model
> >
> > [Med] Given that almost all these pointers are already mentioned in
the core
> > text, I added only a sentence to refer to RFC7224.
> >
> > >
> > > - RFC7223 now has a bis version which I think you should use as it
is
> > > the NMDA version - this might affect your augments, I have not
delved
> > > into that yet.
> >
> > [Med] Now that the 7223bis is in the RFC Editor queue, I updated the
text.
> >
> > >
> > > - RFC5246 is being obsoleted and ... perhaps not:-)
> >
> > [Med] Yeah, but RFC5246 is part of the recommended security text for
YANG
> > modules
(https://trac.ietf.org/trac/ops/wiki/yang-security-guidelines).
> > RFC5246 will be maintained till that reco is updated.
> >
> > >
> > > - RFC 6536 is being revised and will soon be in IETF Last Call
> >
> > [Med] Actually, it will be published as RFC8341. I updated the text
> > accordingly.
> >
> > >
> > > Tom Petch
> > >
> > > ----- Original Message -----
> > > From: "The IESG" <[e-mail]>
> > > Sent: Monday, February 12, 2018 2:28 PM
> > >
> > >
> > > >
> > > > The IESG has received a request from the Softwires WG (softwire)
to
> > > consider
> > > > the following document: - 'A YANG Data Module for Dual-Stack
Lite
> > > (DS-Lite)'
> > > >   <draft-ietf-softwire-dslite-yang-14.txt> as Proposed Standard
> > > >
> > > > The IESG plans to make a decision in the next few weeks, and
solicits
> > > final
> > > > comments on this action. Please send substantive comments to the
> > > > [e-mail] mailing lists by 2018-02-26. Exceptionally,
comments may
> > > be
> > > > sent to [e-mail] instead. In either case, please retain the
> > > beginning of
> > > > the Subject line to allow automated sorting.
> > > >
> > > > Abstract
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >    This document defines a YANG module for the DS-Lite Address
Family
> > > >    Transition Router (AFTR) and Basic Bridging BroadBand (B4)
> > > elements.
> > > >
> > > > Editorial Note (To be removed by RFC Editor)
> > > >
> > > >    Please update these statements with the RFC number to be
assigned
> > > to
> > > >    this document:
> > > >
> > > >    o  "This version of this YANG module is part of RFC XXXX;"
> > > >
> > > >    o  "RFC XXXX: A YANG Data Module for Dual-Stack Lite
(DS-Lite)";
> > > >
> > > >    o  "reference: RFC XXXX"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > The file can be obtained via
> > > >
https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-softwire-dslite-yang/
> > > >
> > > > IESG discussion can be tracked via
> > > >
> > >
https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-softwire-dslite-yang/ballot/
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > No IPR declarations have been submitted directly on this I-D.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > The document contains these normative downward references.
> > > > See RFC 3967 for additional information:
> > > >     draft-ietf-opsawg-nat-yang: A YANG Module for Network
Address
> > > Translation (NAT) (None - IETF stream)
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
>
>