[storm] AD Review: draft-ietf-storm-ifcpmib-04

"David Harrington" <ietfdbh@comcast.net> Sat, 18 September 2010 00:49 UTC

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From: "David Harrington" <ietfdbh@comcast.net>
To: <storm@ietf.org>
Date: Fri, 17 Sep 2010 20:49:18 -0400
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Subject: [storm] AD Review: draft-ietf-storm-ifcpmib-04
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Hi,

I have done my AD Evaluation of this document. There are some changes
that need to be made.

1) This document copies a great deal of text from RFC 4369. I think
you need to include the copyright disclaimer that this document
contains some pre-rfc5378 text. (check the current IPR rules on how
this is specified).

2) I recommend including the original authors' contact information in
the acknowledgement section.

3) The label
   "INTERNET-DRAFT" should appear in the upper left hand corner of the
   first page.  If the I-D is associated with an IETF working group,
the
   name of the working group should appear on the line below the
   "INTERNET-DRAFT" label.

4) Please include the working group contact information in the MIB
module's CONTACT-INFO field.
   - If the module was developed by an IETF working group, then the
     ORGANIZATION clause MUST provide the full name of the working
     group, and the CONTACT-INFO clause MUST include working group
     mailing list information.  The CONTACT-INFO clause SHOULD also
     provide a pointer to the working group's web page.

5) MIB modules cannot contains reference citations of the form
"[storm-iFCP]"
use the format 
REFERENCE      "RFC 4172, iFCP Protocol Specification"
The extracted MIB module might be used separately from the surrounding
text, e.g., used in a help file.  

6) see RFC4181 section 4.5
The LAST-UPDATED and REVISION field dates seem out of date, and are
missing the comment with the date.
In the revision description, please identify the RFC, not an Internet
Draft. 
          REVISION    "200212132358Z"  -- December 13, 2002
          DESCRIPTION "This MIB module published as RFC yyyy."
   -- RFC Ed.: replace yyyy with actual RFC number & remove this note

please include a description of the changes between revisions in the
DESCRIPTION clause.


David Harrington
Director, IETF Transport Area
ietfdbh@comcast.net (preferred for ietf)
dbharrington@huaweisymantec.com
+1 603 828 1401 (cell)