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From: James Guichard <james.n.guichard@futurewei.com>
To: "draft-ietf-teas-applicability-actn-slicing@ietf.org"
	<draft-ietf-teas-applicability-actn-slicing@ietf.org>
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Date: Mon, 22 Jul 2024 12:34:04 +0000
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Dear authors,

Thank you for a nicely written document. Please consider the following comm=
ents (I have used line numbers from idnits to help identify where in the do=
cument the comment applies):


  =3D=3D Outdated reference: A later version (-05) exists of

     draft-dhody-teas-ietf-network-slice-mapping-04



  =3D=3D Outdated reference: A later version (-26) exists of

     draft-ietf-ccamp-l1csm-yang-25



  =3D=3D Outdated reference: A later version (-29) exists of

     draft-ietf-teas-actn-vn-yang-24



  =3D=3D Outdated reference: A later version (-20) exists of

     draft-ietf-teas-enhanced-vpn-17



  =3D=3D Outdated reference: A later version (-13) exists of

     draft-ietf-teas-ietf-network-slice-nbi-yang-10



  =3D=3D Outdated reference: A later version (-05) exists of

     draft-ietf-teas-nrp-scalability-04



138     At one end of the spectrum, a virtual private wire or a Virtual



Jim> s/virtual private wire/Virtual Private Wire (VPW)



174     Section 3, "Abstraction and Control of Traffic Engineered (TE)

175     Networks (ACTN)", this document highlights how the ACTN approach



Jim> Section 3 has a longer description so either remove the section title =
above or correct it. Personally, I would just say Section 3 and remove the =
title text.



338     *  Physical forwarding plane sources, such as wavelengths and time

339         slots.



Jim> s/sources/resources (?)



386   3.2.  ACTN Virtual Network for and Scaling Network Slices



Jim> Please correct the above title. Is it =91for=92 scaling network slices=
 or =91and=92



450     Note 2 - The MDSC-to-MDSC Interface (XMI) is an interface between t=
wo

451     MDSC functional elements encompassing different MDSC service-relate=
d

452     functions which is not defined in [RFC8453].



Jim> is it MDSC-to-MDSC or Service Orchestrator-to-MDSC interface? From fig=
ure 1 it looks like the latter (?) - please clarify.



673     The TE-service mapping model [I-D.ietf-teas-te-service-mapping-yang=
]

674     creates a binding relationship across a L2VPN Service Model (L3SM)



Jim> s/L2VPN Service Model/L3VPN Service Model - RFC 8299 is for L3SM not L=
2SM.

Thanks!

Jim

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<p class=3D"MsoNormal">Dear authors,<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"MsoNormal"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"MsoNormal">Thank you for a nicely written document. Please cons=
ider the following comments (I have used line numbers from idnits to help i=
dentify where in the document the comment applies):<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"MsoNormal"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"apple-converted-space">&nbsp; </span><span c=
lass=3D"s1">=3D=3D Outdated reference: A later version (-05) exists of</spa=
n><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"apple-converted-space">&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; <=
/span><span class=3D"s1">draft-dhody-teas-ietf-network-slice-mapping-04</sp=
an><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p2"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"apple-converted-space">&nbsp; </span><span c=
lass=3D"s1">=3D=3D Outdated reference: A later version (-26) exists of</spa=
n><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"apple-converted-space">&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; <=
/span><span class=3D"s1">draft-ietf-ccamp-l1csm-yang-25</span><o:p></o:p></=
p>
<p class=3D"p2"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"apple-converted-space">&nbsp; </span><span c=
lass=3D"s1">=3D=3D Outdated reference: A later version (-29) exists of</spa=
n><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"apple-converted-space">&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; <=
/span><span class=3D"s1">draft-ietf-teas-actn-vn-yang-24</span><o:p></o:p><=
/p>
<p class=3D"p2"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"apple-converted-space">&nbsp; </span><span c=
lass=3D"s1">=3D=3D Outdated reference: A later version (-20) exists of</spa=
n><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"apple-converted-space">&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; <=
/span><span class=3D"s1">draft-ietf-teas-enhanced-vpn-17</span><o:p></o:p><=
/p>
<p class=3D"p2"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"apple-converted-space">&nbsp; </span><span c=
lass=3D"s1">=3D=3D Outdated reference: A later version (-13) exists of</spa=
n><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"apple-converted-space">&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; <=
/span><span class=3D"s1">draft-ietf-teas-ietf-network-slice-nbi-yang-10</sp=
an><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p2"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"apple-converted-space">&nbsp; </span><span c=
lass=3D"s1">=3D=3D Outdated reference: A later version (-05) exists of</spa=
n><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"apple-converted-space">&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; <=
/span><span class=3D"s1">draft-ietf-teas-nrp-scalability-04</span><o:p></o:=
p></p>
<p class=3D"p2"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"s1">138</span><span class=3D"apple-tab-span"=
>&nbsp;&nbsp; </span><span class=3D"s1"></span><span class=3D"apple-convert=
ed-space">&nbsp;
</span><span class=3D"s1">At one end of the spectrum, a virtual private wir=
e or a Virtual</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p2"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"s1">Jim&gt; s/virtual private wire/Virtual P=
rivate Wire (VPW)</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p2"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"s1">174</span><span class=3D"apple-tab-span"=
>&nbsp;&nbsp; </span><span class=3D"s1"></span><span class=3D"apple-convert=
ed-space">&nbsp;
</span><span class=3D"s1">Section 3, &quot;Abstraction and Control of Traff=
ic Engineered (TE)</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"s1">175</span><span class=3D"apple-tab-span"=
>&nbsp;&nbsp; </span><span class=3D"s1"></span><span class=3D"apple-convert=
ed-space">&nbsp;
</span><span class=3D"s1">Networks (ACTN)&quot;, this document highlights h=
ow the ACTN approach</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p2"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"s1">Jim&gt; Section 3 has a longer descripti=
on so either remove the section title above or correct it. Personally, I wo=
uld just say Section 3 and remove the title text.</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p2"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"s1">338</span><span class=3D"apple-tab-span"=
>&nbsp;&nbsp; </span><span class=3D"s1"></span><span class=3D"apple-convert=
ed-space">&nbsp;
</span><span class=3D"s1">*</span><span class=3D"apple-converted-space">&nb=
sp; </span><span class=3D"s1">Physical forwarding plane sources, such as wa=
velengths and time</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"s1">339</span><span class=3D"apple-tab-span"=
>&nbsp;&nbsp; </span><span class=3D"apple-converted-space">&nbsp; &nbsp; &n=
bsp;
</span><span class=3D"s1">slots.</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p2"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"s1">Jim&gt; s/sources/resources (?)</span><o=
:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p2"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"s1">386</span><span class=3D"apple-tab-span"=
>&nbsp;&nbsp; </span><span class=3D"s1">3.2.</span><span class=3D"apple-con=
verted-space">&nbsp;
</span><span class=3D"s1">ACTN Virtual Network for and Scaling Network Slic=
es</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p2"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"s1">Jim&gt; Please correct the above title. =
Is it =91for=92 scaling network slices or =91and=92</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p2"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"s1">450</span><span class=3D"apple-tab-span"=
>&nbsp;&nbsp; </span><span class=3D"s1"></span><span class=3D"apple-convert=
ed-space">&nbsp;
</span><span class=3D"s1">Note 2 - The MDSC-to-MDSC Interface (XMI) is an i=
nterface between two</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"s1">451</span><span class=3D"apple-tab-span"=
>&nbsp;&nbsp; </span><span class=3D"s1"></span><span class=3D"apple-convert=
ed-space">&nbsp;
</span><span class=3D"s1">MDSC functional elements encompassing different M=
DSC service-related</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"s1">452</span><span class=3D"apple-tab-span"=
>&nbsp;&nbsp; </span><span class=3D"s1"></span><span class=3D"apple-convert=
ed-space">&nbsp;
</span><span class=3D"s1">functions which is not defined in [RFC8453].</spa=
n><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p2"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"s1">Jim&gt; is it MDSC-to-MDSC or Service Or=
chestrator-to-MDSC interface? From figure 1 it looks like the latter (?) - =
please clarify.</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p2"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"s1">673</span><span class=3D"apple-tab-span"=
>&nbsp;&nbsp; </span><span class=3D"s1"></span><span class=3D"apple-convert=
ed-space">&nbsp;
</span><span class=3D"s1">The TE-service mapping model [I-D.ietf-teas-te-se=
rvice-mapping-yang]</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"s1">674</span><span class=3D"apple-tab-span"=
>&nbsp;&nbsp; </span><span class=3D"s1"></span><span class=3D"apple-convert=
ed-space">&nbsp;
</span><span class=3D"s1">creates a binding relationship across a L2VPN Ser=
vice Model (L3SM)</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p2"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"p1"><span class=3D"s1">Jim&gt; s/L2VPN Service Model/L3VPN Serv=
ice Model - RFC 8299 is for L3SM not L2SM.</span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"MsoNormal"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"MsoNormal">Thanks!<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=3D"MsoNormal"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></p>
<p class=3D"MsoNormal">Jim<o:p></o:p></p>
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