Re: [TLS] Updated draft: Minor Edits

<peter.robinson@rsa.com> Mon, 04 January 2010 06:14 UTC

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Thread-Topic: [TLS] Updated draft: Minor Edits
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From: <peter.robinson@rsa.com>
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Subject: Re: [TLS] Updated draft: Minor Edits
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Hi Eric,

Here are some minor changes that David Makepeace and I recommend to 
draft-ietf-tls-renegotiation-02.txt:

Section 1.0, last paragraph, eighth line: "date" should be "data"

Section 1.0, last paragraph, last line: Inverted commas (") at the end of the 
paragraph should be removed.

Section 4.0, first paragraph, fifth line: This currently reads 
"..."renegotiation info" may find handshake failures". I think the word 
"extension" should be added to "renegotiation info" to match the usage 
elsewhere in the draft. I think that "find" should be changed to 
"encountered". Hence, the revised version would read:
..."renegotiation info" extension may encounter handshake failures.

Section 4.0, first paragraph, eighth line: I would capitalize the first letter 
of the words which make up the acronym SCSV so there is absolutely no 
confusion over what the acronym stands for.

Section 4.0, first paragraph, eleventh line: I think the word "exactly" can be 
removed - having it here implies that elsewhere when one reads "has the same" 
means that in some way things are not really the same, and are just similar.

Section 6.1, second paragraph, ninth line: This currently reads "...no set of 
client behavior which..." I think this should be "...no set client behavior 
which..." (removing "of" and implying one behavior), but perhaps it should be 
"...no set of client behaviors which..." (adding an s to behavior implying 
multiple behaviors).

Peter
------------------------------------------------
Peter Robinson - peter.robinson@rsa.com
Engineering Manager
RSA, The Security Division of EMC - http://www.rsa.com/
Level 32, Waterfront Place, 1 Eagle Street, Brisbane, Queensland 4000, 
AUSTRALIA.
Phone: +61 7 3227 4427, Mobile: +61 407 962 150, Fax: +61 7 3227 4400.


-----Original Message-----
From: tls-bounces@ietf.org [mailto:tls-bounces@ietf.org] On Behalf Of Eric 
Rescorla
Sent: Thursday, 17 December 2009 7:32 AM
To: tls@ietf.org
Subject: [TLS] Updated draft

I've just submitted a new draft that is intended to enact most of
Pasi's message as well as the noncontroversial editorial comments
people have raised. Here is what I know still needs work:

- The final resolution to what's sent in the legacy renegotiation
  case (see Pasi's message and the text I sent earlier).
- New text for the identity section in Security considerations.
  (Pending closure on the list).
- Make a pass through for clarity for implementors.
  (Also, I have some text here that Pasi contributed that I
  need to work in).

If you think you made a comment which is noncontroversial
that didn't make it in and/or I screwed up incorporating your
comment, please let me know and I'll try to fix.

For some reason, the submission tool is forcing manual
submission. In the interim you can find it at:
https://svn.resiprocate.org/rep/ietf-drafts/ekr/draft-ietf-tls-renegotiate.txt

Thanks,
-Ekr



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