Re: [trill] RtgDir review: draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach-03
Alia Atlas <akatlas@gmail.com> Mon, 27 July 2015 18:19 UTC
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Date: Mon, 27 Jul 2015 14:19:31 -0400
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From: Alia Atlas <akatlas@gmail.com>
To: Michael Richardson <mcr+ietf@sandelman.ca>
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Cc: draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach.all@tools.ietf.org, trill@ietf.org, "rtg-ads@tools.ietf.org" <rtg-ads@tools.ietf.org>
Subject: Re: [trill] RtgDir review: draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach-03
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Michael, Thanks very much for the review. Regards, Alia On Sat, Jul 25, 2015 at 8:50 PM, Michael Richardson <mcr+ietf@sandelman.ca> wrote: > > Hello, > > I have been selected as the Routing Directorate reviewer for this draft. > The > Routing Directorate seeks to review all routing or routing-related drafts > as > they pass through IETF last call and IESG review, and sometimes on special > request. The purpose of the review is to provide assistance to the Routing > ADs. For more information about the Routing Directorate, please see > http://trac.tools.ietf.org/area/rtg/trac/wiki/RtgDir > > Although these comments are primarily for the use of the Routing ADs, it > would be helpful if you could consider them along with any other IETF Last > Call comments that you receive, and strive to resolve them through > discussion > or by updating the draft. > > Document: draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach-03.txt > Reviewer: Michael Richardson > Review Date: 2015-07-25 > IETF LC End Date: N/A > Intended Status: Proposed Standard > > Summary: > > This document is basically ready for publication, but could benefit from > some simplication of language. The forest is often lost for the inline > details of the trees. The world would not end if it was published as is. > > > Comments: > > Given that the introduction precedes the glossary, it is very TLA heavy. > I wonder if the Introduction could be simplified, or if it is even > necessary to say so much so precisely. > > Terms that stood out without definition: clumps. > (I suspect that this is a TRILL core term) > > Minor Issues: > > I find that the english is rough in places, perhaps a some words or > half sentences obvious to the authors is missing. e.g. last paragraph > before section 4. Sentences seem needlessly long. > > If I were implementing in an Agile setting, I'd be writing multiple user > stories per sentence. Consider the development manager trying to reconcile > tickets back to parts of the document. > > I'd rather that more periods and more new paragraphs were used to explain > things. I don't consider this an english issue, rather an issue of > too many nested ideas: > (A (and also B (except C (unless D))) then E) > > I think the document was started with the idea of trying to explain why > Option C has been chosen by walking the reader through all the choices, and > comparing them. Yet, that actually isn't what is happening: the options > are > not well enough explained to understand the path not taken. Either say > less > about options A and B, or say more. > > I found section 5 (meeting design goals), while dense, to be very well > written and presented. Kudos. > > No major issues found. > > > > -- > Michael Richardson <mcr+IETF@sandelman.ca>, Sandelman Software Works > -= IPv6 IoT consulting =- > > > >
- Re: [trill] RtgDir review: draft-ietf-trill-aa-mu… Alia Atlas
- Re: [trill] RtgDir review: draft-ietf-trill-aa-mu… Mingui Zhang