[trill] draft-ietf-trill-irb-07 document shepherd review

Donald Eastlake <d3e3e3@gmail.com> Wed, 02 December 2015 02:39 UTC

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From: Donald Eastlake <d3e3e3@gmail.com>
Date: Tue, 1 Dec 2015 21:39:13 -0500
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Subject: [trill] draft-ietf-trill-irb-07 document shepherd review
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Hi,

I did a pass over this draft to fix nits and polish the wording a bit.
My suggested changes, all pretty minor, are as follows:

Section 2: It would probably be good to add FGL to the list of acronyms.

Section 3.1, Section 6, and Section 6.1: I don't think the example IP
addresses used here would actually cause a problem, particularly the
use of addresses in 10/8. Nevertheless, we are supposed to use the IP
addresses specifically set aside for examples in publications.... I
suggest the following substitutions:
   "10.1.1" -> "192.0.2"
   "20.1.1" -> "198.51.100"
   "30.1.1.2" -> "203.0.113.2", "30.1.1.0/24" -> "203.0.113.0/25"
   "40.1.1.2" -> "203.0.113.130", "40.1.1.0/24" -> "203.0.113.128/25"
   "30.1.1.3" -> "203.0.113.3", "30.1.1.0/24" -> "203.0.113.0/25"
   "40.1.1.3" -> "203.0.113.131", "40.1.1.0/24" -> "203.0.113.128/25"

Section 3.2: Not very important but in the second line of items 1 and
2, there seems to be an odd triple space.

Section 5: I think "network operator should ensure" should be "network
operator MUST ensure".

Section 5.2: 4th paragraph, page 12, there is a reference to "a
reasonable amount of time". Could that be made just little more
specific by changing it to something like "a reasonable amount of
time, for example twice the IS-IS Holding Time generally in use in the
TRILL campus,"?

Section 5.3, 2nd paragraph, line 4: "through ARP/ND process" ->
"through the ARP/ND process". Also, towards the end of that paragraph,
"based on local load ballancing algorithm, then" -> "based on least
cost or, if costs are equal, the local load blanacing algorith. Then"

Section 5.4, 4th paragraph, page 14: two instances "path" -> "paths".

Section 7.1: first and second bullets, 2nd line of each: More odd triple spaces.

Section 7.2, at the end: "SHOULD not" -> "SHOULD NOT"

Section 7.3: first and second bullets, 2nd line of each: More odd triple spaces.
Section 7.4:: first bullet only, 2nd line: Another odd triple spaces.

References:

   There is one reference in the document to "[RFC6425]" which should
be "[RFC6325]"

   [RFC7357] should be removed from the Normative References section
since it is not actually referenced anywhere in the document.

   Also, there is one line is this draft that is longer than 72
characters: in the Normative References section, the entry for
[RFC6325], for some reason the 2nd line is 73 characters long. The
final comma of that line is the 73rd character. Lines in Internet
drafts are not permitted to be more than 72 characters. The line needs
to be wrapped before 'Specifiction",'.

Thanks,
Donald
=============================
 Donald E. Eastlake 3rd   +1-508-333-2270 (cell)
 155 Beaver Street, Milford, MA 01757 USA
 d3e3e3@gmail.com